Terrible Two’s

 

There are more parenting books on how to discipline a 2 year old, than there are on any other age group.  You would think that at two years old, they grew horns and went on the attack purposefully.  At just two years old, which is, just 730 days old we expect them to behave politely and automatically give up a fantastic toy they were playing with and come to the table and eat their veg, and if they refuse, they are automatically tagged as being naughty.  Yes the terrible two’s have arrived, although you may have been experiencing challenging toddler behaviour for sometime now, the two’s just have a long history of being ‘terrible’.

 

What really is going on is they are becoming very active, you may notice it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep up with your little one.  They maybe running, jumping and climbing by now and a toddler’s body and limbs are becoming stronger and bigger with age and use.  While it’s true that toddlers can be tough, they are also lots of fun and full of life.  You may be discovering that your toddler has some typical toddler behaviours, but is also a unique little person, all of his own.  Depending on your child’s temperamental style, budding personality, and relationship with you, you both may make it through the “twos” with few major struggles.  Or, you may find yourself challenged and exhausted every day!

 

The most important job for a toddler now is to ‘separate’ from the parent and to discover their self; by doing this a toddler needs to test their abilities and limits and to see how an adult responds to them.  They don’t do it deliberately to make us crazy, though it does seem like that sometimes, they cling to us one minute and push us away the next, and it almost feels like your toddler is two different people sometimes.

This period of growing and separating is very hard for toddlers.  They are experiencing a range of moods, emotions and needs that can be overwhelming.  Easily adaptable or even-tempered toddlers may be able to adjust and adapt to these intense experiences with little difficulty.  Other children may struggle with changes in routine, separations or limit setting.  Toddlers have to do things by themselves and in their own way in order to define who they are.  They need adults to be supportive of their struggle for independence in order to feel good about their selves.

The most common characteristics you may notice your toddler going through in his search to find himself are:

 

Impatience Your toddler will want everything and right now!

 

Hitting, Biting and Kicking to name a few, are the most common forms of a tantrum for your toddler, it’s his way of communicating and showing frustration and anger

 

No In an effort to become independent, your toddler will frequently use the word no.  This in not a deliberate attempt to defy you, its his way of letting you know he’s becoming ‘himself’ and understanding and patience is the key

 

Strong Routine With so much happening with a toddlers emotional development, a strong routine is key, although this is not always possible, taking you little one out grocery shopping during his nap time, is a tantrum waiting to happen.

 

Baby Behaviour During your little one’s second year, you may notice him reverting to his baby behaviour, this is his way of coping with his new found skills and underdeveloped emotional skills. It is okay to respond to this behaviour, but it is not recommend that you encourage it.

I’d like to pass on a few suggestions, which I found helped with controlling my son’s toddler destructive tendencies and temper tantrums.

 

Distraction Try to distract your toddler to another activity, by switching on the radio or TV

 

Separation If you’re in the park or at a friends and he bites, quietly pick him up and take him straight home, it doesn’t work to scream and shout, just do it quietly.  If he is having a tantrum but is in a safe environment leave him to work through his tantrum and let off some steam

 

Explanation Explain why you act a certain way, setting rules without explaining them first is unfair and will confuse your toddler

 

Compromise Yes, sometimes give in.  Allow your toddler to win some arguments; by letting him win the small arguments means you’ll have a better chance to win the big ones.  Be fair though and set strong rules, if you say no to something, knowing that after a while you will probably give in just say yes in the first place or keep firm

 

Comfort your child.  Sooner or later, the screaming will subside, let your toddler know that your sorry he was upset and your glad he’s now feeling better but don’t bring up the reason that caused the tantrum.  Some children even respond well to being held during a tantrum.  The security of an adult’s tight embrace can be reassuring and calming.

 

The tantrums and other trials of toddler hood, can be very difficult for parents, yet the ‘terrible two’s’ are an important part of growing up, some parents will realise that ‘terrible’ isn’t the right word to use for their toddler, adventurous or self assured might be a better description.  If you spend the whole of your child’s ‘second’ year worrying how naughty or embarrassing your toddler is being you will miss that year of importance

 

Try to remember that they will only be 2 once and as my Gran said to me ‘this two shall pass’

 

Good Luck!

This is a members article written  by RIN1983