Health Forums

Posted: 15 March 2007 at 10:47am | IP Logged

Hi

I have 4 gorgeous los which i love to bits and after my last 1 i could never say that she was my last because the thought of having no more made me feel sick. She is coming 2 in April and i think i have just about come to terms with the fact that yes she will be my last and now its maybe a bit of time for me.

Well that was till yesterday and i suspected i was pg so did a test and yes i am but i feel so gutted and have seriously been thinking of a termination. I was so poorly with my last pg couldnt do a thing for most of the 9 months and had to be induced early. I have ulcerative colitus (bowel disease). I dont even agree with terminations so for me to be thinking about it is no easy thing but i dont think i can go through with it. I cant ask my mum for help because she gave me grief when i had my 3rd and 4th and would basically cause me more problems. I know i would get negative comments from everyone.

The worst thing is we only just manage now my dh works 6 days a week and im stuck at home with the 4 we have and i know if we continue with this 1 that will get worse.We went out together 3 weeks ago for the 1t time in about 3 years and it was lovely but its so hard to get sittters for 4 let alone 5. My mum is the only 1 that does really and i know she would have 5. we have booked up to go to spain in july so i would be starting to get fat and uncomfortable have no clothes to wear. and wouldnt be able to afford another holiday for years it hard enough trying to get places for 6 let alone 7. we also have booked to go away in oct so that would have to be cancelled. It just seems everything is against it. Then the thought of the actual procedure i dont know if i could go through with that. Im so confused.

I feel so guilty as i know some women are desperate to have a baby im sorry if i have upset anyone.

My mood is far from chirpy i never changed it and it just doesnt seem right sorry again

Posted: 15 March 2007 at 11:03am | IP Logged

You wont upset anyone on here hun. We all understand.

I cant offer much advice I'm afraid, just support. I know there are lots of mums on here with 5 children who can give you support and also one mum at least with UC so she might have some words of wisdom.

What has your dp said? I think you both need to sit down and decide what is best for your family and yourselves. If you decide to go ahead with the termination make sure you have counselling as it will be hard for you and you'll need to be able to move past it. Dont worry about what your mum or anyone else thinks, this is about you and your dp and children.

How old are your lo's? Are any of them at an age where they might be able to help out more.

Sending big hugs. I wish I could help more.

Posted: 15 March 2007 at 11:09am | IP Logged

aww hun i really feel sorry for you, i have 3 kids who are 5, 2 and nearly 6 months also my stepson who is 13 lives with us and my stepdaughter who is 10 comes over every weekend and i find it really hard that im stuck in the house every day and my h2b works 7 days a week.

i knew when i was preg with amber that she would be my last and i wanted to be sterilised and i have a appointment on the 27th of this month to book me in for sterilisation, i have never been against termination cos i know if i got pregnant now i would have a termination cos i know i couldent cope with another baby.

its your decision hun i hope everything works out for you.

if ever you need to chat you could always pm me.

luv bev.

Posted: 15 March 2007 at 11:09am | IP Logged

Thanks for replying. My dp will support my decision either way but knows it will be a hard one. My eldest is 8 and i dont want her to grow up to quick to help me out if you get what i mean.

My uc was really bad with my last pg and i suffered sickness for most of it. i am already fell nauseous and my uc is starting to flair up im not sure if i can go through what i went through last time. I dont really have anyone except dh to talk to this about as it really is a sensitive subject.

I just wish i had a crystal ball and could see what to do for the best.

I know i would cope if i had onother 1 because you just have to but i feel now that i dont put enough 1 on 1 time with my eldest 2, i find it difficult when i pick them up from school to listen to them read, watch the youngest and cook tea. I want to do the best for all of my family but if a termination is going to screw me up then thats no good either

Posted: 15 March 2007 at 11:29am | IP Logged

its good that your dp will support you on what ever your decision is.

i also feel that i dont give my eldest daughter who is 5 enough 1 to 1 but i think most mums with more than 1 child feels the same.

luv bev.

Posted: 15 March 2007 at 12:52pm | IP Logged

It is at the end of the day your decision, and to be honest I can really see where you are coming from!  I have 5 children, my eldest being 16, my youngest being 8 months.  You cannot give that many children the one on one care that you feel they need, having said that, children do adjust!  I think you really need to go and visit your gp or hv, as they will be able to help and advise you with the care you will likely need, especially as your health wil suffer if you go through with it.  I made the decision during pg with my 5th to be sterilised, as I knew taht mentally I would not be able to cope with another one, and I am another that doesn't agree abortion, but if I got pg again (as it is possible) then I would have that as a consideration.  Having said that the fact that you are considering it even tells me you are that worried.  And financially people may say well what's one more, but I have noticed a difference in my shopping!  The nappies and milk alone are a nightmare.  I would strongly advise you visit your gp, so you can see what the ins and outs of everything.  It sounds like you have looked at both sides, but don't quite feel that you can go through with a termination.  Your dp sounds very supportive, however he's not helping by letting you make a huge decision with little input himself.  I know my dh said it would affect me more than him, when I found I was expecting the 5th, and it was my decision, however, the thought of having no6 made him put his foot down and said if I did conceive again I would have no choice!  If you need to chat you can always pm me, I am on the computer on and off during the day.

Don't worry about what other people will say, when I had my first i had the same comments as when I was expecting my 5th.  Others can be hurtful, and no matter what you decide it is YOUR decision at the end of the day and only you will have to deal with the outcome, whether it be a termination, or a little bundle!  Good luck with your decision, and I hope I can be of some help for you.

Posted: 15 March 2007 at 1:12pm | IP Logged

Hi Vickimom

I have gone through every arguement in my head and i really feel deep that that the best thing for my whole family is to have a termination. I dont think we could cope with me being ill for 9 months and then having to look after a newborn but i love babies so much that i know if i do have it done it will crease me to see a newborn and every Nov i will think about it. My dh is being great he doesnt want to put any pressure on me i know that if it was down to him we would have it but he works so much as it is and i know having 5 would cost more and they definalty cost more as they get older wanting to choose their own clothes and computer games even to eating more. I want to be able to give my kids the best start that i can and thats going to be hard enough with 4 let alone 5. My dh was going to have the snip after the 4th but we kept putting it off it seemed so final but i wish he had now.

I have been reading up on the internet about it and it all just sounds so horrible i dont know if i could go through with it and i think is the worse that they say on the nhs that you have 2-4 weeks to wait. if i made the decision i would just want it over and done with.

I have never listened to what people think they all think we are mad having 4 but i think that i agree with with them if we have the 5th. I think if my health was such a big issue it would be different to.

Thanks for listening

Posted: 15 March 2007 at 1:17pm | IP Logged

Having a supportive dp is really good! This is a decision that only you can make. I got pregnant in 2004 and I wasn't ready to have another child. Joshua was still only a baby, but like you I had always though I'd never have a termination. However, when you are put in the situation you begin to realise that its not something thats taken lightly and it is an option.

I opted for the termination, and I have never regretted it. I never regretted it because i knew it was right for me. I know that some people cant have children, I even had a molar pregnancy (miscarriage) in 2002 so I know how it feels to loose a child, but the termination was still the right thing for me to do. However I didnt come to the decision lightly, and on the day and days leading up of course it was hard and I cried. No one can make any decision for you, not even your dp, hv or gp! Discuss the medical complications with the medical proffessions, and the financial and emotional complications with your dp.. but at the end of the day it is your body that has to carry the child for 9 months.

Is there any chance you could leave the children you have with a family member for a weekend and take yourself away or just stay home and have the space to think things through?

No one on this site will judge you for your decision, and we are all hear to listen. Listen to yourself and you will know what is right for you to do. Which ever path you chose to take, it will be a hard one to make, but in time you will know you made the right decision. Sending you a huge hug!

Posted: 15 March 2007 at 3:31pm | IP Logged

Thanks again im sat in tears at all the supportive things that have been said. I wish i could afford to go private as i think its going to be the waiting thats going to be hard and the fact that i dont want anybody except dh to know, so arranging childcare may be a problem. I know in my head that the best thing for me would be to get the termination but my heart does say otherwise but i do have to make a decision and one quite fast. Thanks for all the hugs they are very much appreciated

xxx

Had a long chat with dh last night, cant get into the drs till Monday but i guess least it will give us all weekend to make a firm decision. Thanks again for the hugs and support xxx