Parenting Forums

Posted: 02 September 2005 at 7:30pm | IP Logged

OK, this is a question on behalf of my sis. She has 3 boys aged 20 months, 3 and 5. The 20 month and 3 year old just don't eat and both will do all in thier power to avoid eating. As they're not malnourished or anything and their weights are OK, the health professionals won't take her seriously. Here's the problem.

Joe - aged 20 months. Will only eat olives, cheese, pom bears and cheese snak-a-jacks. He'll eat the occasional grape, bit of apple and did eat ham, but has now stopped that too. He will however drink anything. So sis purees veg and mixes it with his juice. This morning, she was giving him shreddies for breakfast and he flatly refused to eat them. When she insisted he have 1 mouthfull, he ate it and actually made himself sick as he didn't want it.

Noah - aged 3. Doesn't like eating at all. He'll keep a bit of sandwich in his mouth for over an hour rather than swallow it. He'll sort of eat crackers and cheese, bananas, carrots, chicken breast, toast... but he won't eat potato, pasta or anything like that.

She's tried everything, and I mean everything! Making the food into interesting shapes, giving them a time limit to eat it then take it away, serving the same food at each meal, bribery for a nice pudding - everything. But the pair of them would really prefer not to eat.

Can anyone offer any advice? She is at her whits end and hates meal times as they are so stressful. She gives the boys vitamin suppliments etc and they'll drink milk. Joe will drink anything, Noah will drink if you tell him to.

Certain other sites have been very judgemental and extreely unhelpful, but I know we're not like that!!! Anyone? Please?!?!?!?!

Posted: 02 September 2005 at 10:12pm | IP Logged

I think the big thing is to relax a bit about it.  No child will starve themselves at 3yrs old.  Although it may seem they eat virtually nothing they must be eating or drinking enough to keep their weight up.  Fran would only eat yoghurts and spaghetti hoops at 3yrs old.  So I let her have them for lunch every day.  She grew out of it eventually.

Once meal times become stressful for the parents they will be stressful for the child too.  If your sis has tried all the normal things not sure I will have anymore suggestions.  Does she let them touch the food?  I mean touch it and not have to eat it?  So they are playing with the different textures.  You have to balance this against what you feel are exceptable table manners.  Sometimes it's best to forget the table manners until a later date. 

Personally I found a regular meal time was helpful, I sat with the girls for their meals at lunch and dinner regardless of whether I was eating or not and talked to them.  In that way they saw meal times as a sociable event not just as food.  Also I found with Fran she used to think the meals were too big.  So I used a large adult plate and small portions, it then looked like she had hardly anything to eat as opposed to a small bowl and a full portion which is daunting.

Another thing I did was bake a cake, the stickier the better and we used to have to eat it without useing our hands and without cutting it up.  Makes a huge mess but great fun.  Good for a wet sunday afternoon.  Can do the same with things like Angel Delight and Trifle too.

I think the big thing is try not to worry.  It is normally just a stage and they will outgrow it.  Try and give a big variety of food and let them touch it and play with it so food isn't a big issue.

Also maybe they just haven't been hungry with the warmer weather and once the autumn weather kicks in their appetites may pick up a bit.  I can remember being sick myself as a child because my Mum would make me eat when I just wasn't hungry.  Children are the same as us they have hungry days and days where they just don't want to eat.

Posted: 02 September 2005 at 10:22pm | IP Logged

Good ideas MumSam. Will print it off for her!

Its a difficult one. Her eldest, Ethan, would always be funny with his food, but he grew out of it by 2 ish.

Thanks though, thats fab!!

Posted: 03 September 2005 at 9:07am | IP Logged

I can sympathise with your sis, when my eldest was a toddler for a while all he would eat is breakfast cereal, meat and yoghurt, if anything else was put in front of him he would have a big tantrum.  It turned out it was all connected to him being dyspraxic and it was a texture thing.  He couldnt (and still cant) stand having certain textures in his mouth and the smell of certain foods make him feel ill.  His diet has improved over the years, but he still wont touch fruit or most veg, altho he loves fruit smoothies and homemade soup.

What I am trying to say here is to tell her not to worry, for all my sons poor diet he has is now a strapping 5'9 at the age of 12 and is hardly ever ill.  All I can suggest is things like smoothies and soup as they help them get their vits, and definately not to make an issue over meal times (altho I know at times it can be very hard to keep calm)