Parenting Forums

Posted: 08 April 2007 at 8:17pm | IP Logged

Its coming up to Joshua's birthday and I everyone here was reminding me of it and how I have brought him up alone for almost 4 years. Im at my parents and my nan is up here, and they have been going on how lonely being a single parent must be. My nan asked me if I was ever going to settle down and find happiness.

Everyone assumes that single parents are never happy, lonely, no social life. That everything stops. This thought has been playing on my mind all day. I know I am happy, I have done a great job with Joshua, I work and I am trained in counselling, studying to do child psychology. Nothing in my life has stopped. I have had to make scrafices, but no more than a 2 parent family. I am truely happy in my life, yes settling with someone would be great, but I dont get upset about not having that in my life right now.

Im really grateful to my nan asking me this, although I was upset she thought I wasnt happy or whatever, it has made me think and realise that I have done a great job and I am strong and happy for doing it. So nan, can single mum find happiness, yes she can!! And Im sure that many single parents on here will agree with me. I know 1 parent on here recently became a single parent and she is great inspiration to me she truely has found happiness as a single parent! And those that havent found it yet, and just going through a break up I want to tell you that it comes along, give it time it comes!

Posted: 09 April 2007 at 7:46am | IP Logged

Aww m2j thats really nice

As everyone on here knows uv done a great job with Joshua on ur own & even when u settle down nobody can take that away from u

Seeing u with Joshua & how clever he is has got me thru some tough times as a single parent when i wonder if im doing a good enough job on my own

I think ur doing a great job with ur life & bringing up Joshua & ur definately an inspiration to single mums

Posted: 09 April 2007 at 7:55am | IP Logged

    You are doing a great job with Joshua and I think single parents can be happy. Even though I am married sometimes I wish I was single and could bring the kids up how I wanted and not have to consult another person about what needs to be done etc ( if that makes sense). It is nice to have the support but sometimes I do crave for time when I can be on my own just with them.

Posted: 09 April 2007 at 11:47am | IP Logged

Wow, this really is a post that has made me think.  Chris, you've done an excellent job with Joshua and I'm proud to say I'm his aunt.  You've been through ups and down but you've got through them, and I can see your happiness.

HarrysMum, please dont wish single parenting on yourself.  I was in a relation for 10 years, married and together for 6 years.  I used to say "I might as well be a single parent for all the help I get" or "If I was a single parent the kids would have to listen to me and not play us off etc".  Well, as much as I love each and everyone of my kids it's hard work.  I've now been on my own for 17 months and I never even dreamed of some of the difficulties I've encountered. 

One day Chloe was so poorly she couldn't even get out of bed, because there was no one else to take her to school I had to keep the other two off as well as still having Aimee at home.  I wasn't feeling well myself but had to cope with all 4 kids and their needs. 

Simple things like having to drag all the kids to the shop which is just 2 minutes away, especially if its cold and wet, the time it takes to get all the coats on, shoes on etc I could have been there and back.

It's not all bad though, I'm having a bad time in a new relationship, difficulties beyond my control.  Its making me think it may be better to be just me and the kids, even if in just 3 months time I'll have another new baby to bring up.  I'm proud to say these are my children and I've done this myself.  When they get good reports from school, they achieve something new, I can say I've helped with that. 

To top off, yes, a single parent can be happy, be it to 1 child or 5 or more.  It's hard work, and can get too much sometimes but the rewards at the end of it are amazing.

Posted: 09 April 2007 at 11:56am | IP Logged

i think single parents can be happy and sometimes happier than the likes of us with a partner, myself I'm married and very happy and grateful we get on so great without Carl i know i would struggle but i also know i would just get on and still be a great mother to molly, i have alot of single friends who are mothers and the only thing i feel for them for is they have there child 24 - 7 no breaks at all, no family helps them out there ex's dont have the children etc i think that must be hard as sometimes the min carl gets in from work i know i can have some me time alot of my mates dont get that. xx jue xx

p.s any single parent gets a bigfrom me,

Posted: 09 April 2007 at 1:56pm | IP Logged

I think you do a grand job chris! As do all our single madmummies!

I went through a stage a few months ago where dp and I werent getting on and I thought me and eds would be better off on our own but now dp and I have sorted things out I know I would have really struggled. Its nice for Eds to spend time with someone other than me and hes so close to his daddy!

I also enjoy the company in the evenings and being able to discuss what eds has done and achieved with someone who honestly cares as much as I do.

I dont envy you but I do think you do a fantastic job and Joshua is a credit to you.

Posted: 09 April 2007 at 4:14pm | IP Logged

This post really struck a chord with me, Chris, being a single mum like yourself.

Having known you for the past 2 years I find you to be strong, wise beyond your years and compassionate.  Your son is a credit to you, he is a well adjusted, bright and loving little boy who, because of you, will grow up into a remarkable man and when he does only one person is responsible for that and that is you.

As for happiness, define it?  I was in a relationship for 10 years, but it is only now after being on my own that I have 'found' myself and feel that, although there is a long journy ahead of me, I will find peace.

Yes, I've got a new guy, but the relationship is developing at a speed that I've determined.  I'm very happy with him, but other things take priority over him (and he knows it and respects that), yet he is there for me, supporting me, but not controlling me like I've felt being in a marriage.

As for a social life mine has never been better!  It gets so busy that I end up turning offers down because I can't find a baysitter!!  lol

Chris, some women are more independent and stronger than others and you're one of those.  You will find happiness, but not through anyone else other than yourself.  You will form a relationship with someone special and deserving of you, but that will happen when you least expect it and when it does it will be you in the driving seat. 

Thanks for being my friend, Chris, you are truly special.

Zo xxxx

Posted: 09 April 2007 at 6:21pm | IP Logged

Zoe, I love you to babe!

Define happiness.. well you describe it babe, finding yourself. Being in a relationship does not automatically make you happy. Since becoming single, and soon after a single parent I have learnt to find myself. What makes me smile or cry, what I like doing. I do things for me at my own time and pace.

I just made this post because my nan inparticular just assumed being on my own Id not be happy, but she couldn't be further from the truth! I will find different happiness when I meet someone and settle down, but going through everything I have had to inthe last 4 years I have learnt to have confidence, respect myself and be happy in all that I do. Thats how I managed, and thats how Joshua has turned into the child he is.

Harrysmum, I know just what you mean about making the decisions. That is weirdly one of the things scary about moving into a relationship, having to discuss what shoes I buy Joshua, having to discuss which week I go clothes shopping and what the clothing budget is lol Right now I chose what colour top, which shoes, which shirt looks best on him. But I guess it'll be a whole new experience to enjoy once I find it!