Parenting Forums

Posted: 30 April 2007 at 9:08am | IP Logged

Hiya everyone!!

Well, sorry in advance ladies, in case this turns into one of my long posts.

I know very rarely I post due to lack of time, surprise surprise lol, but i feel like Im losing my marbles...

Rightys, bascially dh and I decided after having April that she would be our 5th and last. He is booked in to the vascetomy (sp) clinic tommorow for his assessment.  I have stumbled along to be really honest since having april, and to say its been easy having 5 kids and a business to help in where needed, would be a complete fib..  April bless her has NOT been an easy baby from the minute she was born, and she hasnt changed now as shes got older, she has an awful temper which Im putting down to being 2 now, and is so clingy its unreal. Which makes things a million times worse!

Well, my very dear friend had a baby girl on Saturday, after an awful labour she had a emergency c section.  I went to see her and bubs yesterday and OMG well, broody or what??  Then hubby started being broody, he is worse than me about new babies.  I have been the voice of wisdom saying about how the hard work kicks in when youve had them home for a few days and the high wears off a bit (well for me it did anyways) . Plus, I would be the one coping more or less on my own! He is always too busy to do much for the children, and I feel guilty if I ask him to do anything..

We had both agreed that our 5 would complete our family but now I feel that Im not making the right decision .. I know that I would be 'pushing it' to have any more,, I feel that at my age 38 I personally would not cope with anymore, I can just about cope with 5, and some days feel I dont at all, and also after the problems and scares we have had with two of our los health, then having anymore would be just greedy tbh. It would not be fair on our other children, and also having a business to run as well, its near on impossible.. So deep down I know stopping at what we have is the right thing to do ..

Or maybe its just a woman thing, we all get clucky over little babies, then they grow up!!  Sorry for waffling girls, I think I sound very mad.... Someone tell me I'm not!!

Phew, what a waffle!!

luv lilybxxx

Posted: 30 April 2007 at 9:26am | IP Logged

Aww hun, you really need to think long and hard about what you both want.  It's only his assesment tomorrow so nothing is final just yet.  If you are not 100% sure if you want another baby yet or not then dont go ahead with the surgery, they'll always be another time.  It has to be the right decision and it has to be definite.  It may be that in a few days you really dont like the idea and chose to go ahead, though it may be that you want to start trying straight away.

Only you will know what is the right decision for you and your family. 

Posted: 30 April 2007 at 9:34am | IP Logged

Hey Lily

Me and Brent were having this same discussion yesterday. I don't think you're mad at all. 9 weeks ago I had my fourth child, Jasmine. She was not planned but we always wanted a girl after having 3 boys it's a blessing. But I feel now is the right time for us to stop and to enjoy our children. It's just too hard to enjoy the older ones when you always have a baby to look after. I constantly find myself having to tell the older ones 'I can't do this or that with you right now cos I need to see to the baby!'

Not only that, but when the kids get older they may wish to go to uni, or put deposit on flat, or get driving lessons, first car, travel etc. and it would break our hearts not to be able to help them out financially if they were to need it. We are not on the best of incomes and even though we are coping ok now, we all know that childrens need become more expensive as they grow older.

I think I'll get sterilised now. Me and Brent havn't been able to have 'fun' without worrying if the contraception is working, or if I might fall pregnant again. We need time for ourselves too now.

We would also look forward to the time we could look after our grandbabies and of course give them back lol!

crystal xxx

Posted: 30 April 2007 at 11:58am | IP Logged

I think if you are having doubts then now is not the time for a vasectomy. Even if you do decide to stick with 5 in the future you are obviously not at the point where you can make that decision for good now.

It is understandable to feel this way as you are very maternal person and a loving mum. It is a big deal to make a decision like this and I think you need to be 100% sure before you go through with it.