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Posted: 17 May 2007 at 7:01pm | IP Logged

Its almost a year since my friend Danny Committed Suicide, he was buried on 2nd June 2006, the same day i gave birth to Liam...

I have been having a recurring dream about him for a week now and i can see his face so clearly and hear his voice, laughing and joking and playing the guitar like we used to. Its real, but its in a dream, and i felt close to him, it was nice...we were smoking spliffs (i dont smoke in real life) and that was normality. Then i see this huge blood puddle and Danny isn't there anymore, i am then greeted by the old gang from high school and we are all searching for Danny, we can't find him and its very very sad. All we see is the blood puddle.

I have been crying about it all today, i miss him, and i cant believe he is gone. But i have to, i visited his grave, he has a lovely hand carved wooden guitar with his name on it, not real but it was his life.

I still have pictures of him on my pc, but they seem tainted now, and its almost wrong to look at them too long. I have a voice clip of him saying "Fat Cat mulechrla" dont ask about that last word, its all random, that was Danny!

Aaaaand to top it all off i just found his bebo page...im gutted. I just cant accept he is gone, i think about him daily, and it plays on my mind. Really plays on my mind, there was no evident personality change, he was planning to go to college with a mate, up til the day before. Then bam he's gone. Random, thats all i can think. But why? There must be a reason. I just hope he's happy now.

Posted: 17 May 2007 at 7:20pm | IP Logged

aw hun how terrible,

your bound to be sad still hun and dont ever feel bad for remembering your friend,wether its looking at his pictures,listening to his voice or other...having dreams about him obviousy shows hes still very much in your heart,dont be ashamed to continue to greiv if thats what you need to do,a year is an aniversary,remeber all that you shared and try not to think about the what ifs and why's,he must have had his reasons just remember what good friends you were. if it helps to talk you know there are always people here for you.

thinking of you hunny,lots of love xxx

Posted: 01 July 2007 at 4:41pm | IP Logged

Awwww Rin, I know exactly how you feel.

I had a lovely friend, who very sadly died at the age of 25.  She was amazing, so fun and full of life.  It was a terrible waste and such a shock.

She had died from epilepsy followed by an heart attack.

It took me a year to accept her death.  In that time I lost my two grandmothers and grandfather in law, but their deaths didn't affect me the same way.  They had had their life, loves and children. 

Different people have different ways of dealing with grief.  I have an album dedicated to Claire and our circle of friends and fun times we had together.  When I feel sad about her I get it out and have a giggle.  That is what she would've wanted.

It's about how you can accept your friends death.  Until you learn that you will always be going around in a downward spiral of despair and depression.

I'm here if you ever want to pm or chat.

Zo xxxx

Posted: 01 July 2007 at 6:14pm | IP Logged

oh hun i am sorry for this awful lost. I lost a very close friend to sucide and the one thing that has helped is the fact he is now free from the thigns that caused him pain ....whatever they were.

With broomie.....i elt i wanted to do something to celebrate his life and as he was  pssionate about youth work myself na dfriends decided to raise funds for a youth project in the community he loved.

As broomie said many times before he died "No one ever really dies cos the love they give lives on for ever" Let the love of Danny live on hun and celecbrate him .

I wish you all the best hun .

kim x