Parenting Forums

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 5:41pm | IP Logged

Martha I can totally relate to you and your sister, I was too sexually abused by a family member for a number of years. I suppose people let these events effect them in different ways. Because of this my dad will not bath the kids in the family, or allow himself to be in a situation where someone else could prejudge it. My dad is the most caring man in the world, and dotes on all his grandchildren, but because of one man in our family, and the judgemental attitude of todays world, he doesnt feel he can have that kind of contact with children. Even when I asked him to check Joshua once as I didnt know one end of his manhood from the other pmsl my dad was really wary, and made sure he did it with us present not in the bathroom.

It really is a sad time in the world when man cant be just man who are good with children. No matter what happened to me, I wouldnt turn a male childcarer away from looking after Joshua. Of course unless you as a parent had a gut feeling, I have had this with female carers and not let them near Joshua, I would do the same if I was uneasy with a guy, but on the whole I would not mind.

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 5:53pm | IP Logged

There is no 'type' of abuser, they come in allsorts of shapes and sizes.  So unless you want to assume that every man you meet is a pedophile you'll always feel edgy, scared and prejudice against them.

I have male friends in their 20s, 30s and 40s who aren't fathers and some of them are concerned with how society views them.

My chap was married, but they never had children.  He's 35.  Does that mean he could be a child abuser?

The care taker at my children's nursery is a 50 something man.  Am I concerned that he's fiddling with my boys? [no is the answer].

Then you watch the news and there's Catholic priests, doctors, policemen convicted of rape, molestation and abuse...

At work I hear about the most awful and shocking cases, but where do we draw the line and not become too suspicious of men in general.

I'm off my soap box now...had a loooong day at work discussing sensitive cases.  It was horrid.

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 6:56pm | IP Logged

I do not trust ANYONE (minus DH) We have a regular babysitter but I am overprotective and usually allow my eldest a 6 yearold to stay up and watch a DVD in our room, while she is here. We usually  get home at 11pm (if we go out...we have not in the last month)

Both men and women can be abusers. Trust me, they are the people you would least expect.

I cannot say any  more as there is a case pending ( does not include sexual abuse but attempted murder) So I guard my children like a lioness does her cubs.My atitude is tainted and I believe you can not trust any person with your children. it is sad but true....hopefully time will heal

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 7:51pm | IP Logged

When Ellie goes to nursery there are 3 nursery nurses in her group, 2 women and 1 man. They all seem equally good and Ellie likes all 3 of them. I think its good that there is a male carer and I have absolutely no problem with it.