Parenting Forums

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 10:55pm | IP Logged

I spoke to my stepdaughter today and she was telling me about school. She had to spend 2 hours with her new teacher for next year today and she was telling me that she really doesn't like her at all.

Sian will be 11 in Sept but is still in primary school because she lives in Dorset they do an extra year in Primary school and only 4 years in the senior school. School is a big issue for Sian she claims she doesn't like it but I think deep down she does. She is very bright and has a chance of going to the local Grammar school if she passes the test for it, however if she takes the test and fails she then can't go to the other school she would like to go it which would be St Edwards (They only accept pupils if it's your first choice) so next year Sian has to decide whether is is going to try out for the Grammar or just go to St Edwards. If she fails the Grammar exam she would have to go to the local comprehensive which Sian has said to me she wouldn't be happy with as she doesn't want pink hair and a pierced nose - I have tried to explain to her that I went to a comprehensive and these are not necessary requirements. (I was tempted to tell her that I'm sure pink is out at the moment and it's actually blue and that it's no longer your nose but your tongue but I didn't think she would see the funny side).

Anyway, sorry I'm waffling again. Sian doesn't like her teacher next year because she doesn't feel that she is going to push her hard enough, this is the teacher that during the two hours she spent with her today has set her class for next year 6 maths sheets to work on over the summer. I admire her for thinking about what she needs but sometimes think she worries too much, I'm sure the teacher wouldn't be teaching at the school and at that level if there was a risk of her damaging the potential of any children going onto grammar school. During this conversation with Sian whilst I was trying to assure her that if she felt there was a problem she should discuss it with her Mother so she can speak to the school and find out why Sian feels like this. However, I get the impression that Sian's Mum hasn't done anything about it which could be genuine, afterall I'm not there and it could just be a rumour through the pupils as we all know what that is like at school.

Well Sian has taken things into her own hands and has written a letter of complaint already about it to the school and has discussed her feelings to her current teacher and even requested that her current teacher should move with the class and teach them as she feels it would be better for them all. Her teacher has explained that it is down to the head teacher to make decisions like this and that she won't be moving so now Sian has decided that the Head Teacher is just very stubborn and wasn't interested when I tried to explain to her that there may well be a genuine reason why the teachers are teaching the classes they have been set. Sian is adamant that there is no reason at all.

I tried to make the conversation a bit more jokey and asked her again how many sheets of homework she had and she said 6 and that she would bring 3 or maybe 4 over with her (she is staying with us for 3 weeks). So I said to her.. that's a good idea I'm assuming you are going to try and do 1 a week then to which she agreed and I said jokingly OK I will write it down on our itinerary that Sian must do 30 minutes homework everyday - Long story but itinerary is a jokey thing in our house after we went to Florida and DH insisted that we had to have a plan and stick to it, both myself and Sian picked on him for it. Well Sian decided that it wasn't funny and the reply I got was 'You sound just like my new teacher and I hate her... I mean really hate her' I chose to ignore it but felt it was quite hurtful. She was on speaker phone so DH heard it as well although I'm not sure he was listening too much. Usually I would say don't use the hate as it's such a strong word but I could pick up on an inner message somehow and not sure whether I'm just reading too much into it so tried to brush it off. 

In the end I said to Sian that she really needs to discuss her concerns with her Mother in more detail if she hasn't already and also mentioned to her that just because she isn't aware of any reasons why the teachers can move doesn't mean that there isn't one... that's the joy of being a child in the adult world you don't always need to know everything, however if it's worrying her that much an adult is more likely to discuss these issues with another adult.

As I have already said I admire her for taking such a keen interest in her education at such a young age, I certainly wasn't that keen.

Posted: 18 July 2007 at 12:53am | IP Logged

Couldn't she insist on extra homework/classwork to meet her needs? Surely the teacher would teach at a level suitable for the individual. I know when I was 11 and preparing for high school 2 year 6 classes as it was then were divided on ability, and we all did what we could.. some of us were reading at level 15 ginn 360, when others were still on 7/8/9 etc It was the same for math and science. Im sure if the teacher was aware that she was aiming for the grammer school, and was sitting the exams, then they would make sure she was at entery level.

maybe you, or dh, could have a word with her mum, explain how upset Sian was, and how concerned she was. maybe her mother didnt take her seriously? Could one of you not ring the school and discuss the matter with her teacher or head?

It is good that she is taking such a healthy interest, but she also needs to remember she is only 11 and the school will have her best interests at heart.

I hope this gets resolved for her, and she can start the new term feeling more confident and settled with her new class teacher.

Posted: 18 July 2007 at 10:53am | IP Logged

I must admit I have mentioned to him a number of times that he should discuss Sian's schooling with his ex because at the end of the day Sian is their child not just hers. He has tried in the past and has basically been told to stay out of it... even Sian has said to her Dad before what has it got to do with him (which has obviously come from her mother).

I'm going to mention that he needs to try again but the biggest problem and I think one of the factors that caused the divorce is when Sian was born Kath shut Colin out and if he tried to do anything she mocked him and belittled him.

She is a very determined girl and will try anything to get what she wants which is very good in one sense but she's not worried about hurting people to get to where she wants to go either.