Are you influenced by others? - Parenting - Parenting Forums - Madmums

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RIN1983
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Posted: 15 August 2007 at 8:35am \| IP Logged

When parenting your child, whether it be learning, playing, discipline, weaning and feeding etc...

Do you think you are influenced by others? Family, people from forums, friends?

When I had Harrison my first lo, I was given lots and lots of advice, but i was kind of influenced by what my sister did with her children and how my mother raised us.

But with Louis, i kind of just did what I though was best. I listened to others but chose to do what i felt was right and didn't let others influence my choice.

But, if you hear something that your friend does with their lo, or you read about what others lo's are currently doing which your lo isn't doing, like, say for instance knowing a nursery rhyme most of the way through, would you be inclined to teach your child that same nursery rhyme?

I have seen this at school quite abit where other mums are not so much in competition but comment about what there lo's are doing and then the very next week another lo is doing the very same.

Come on be honest I think in a way i was a little like this especially with harrison maily with Potty training but in the end I gave up and realised that each child is an individual and will learn what they have to at a pace they set themselves.

bensmum
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Posted: 15 August 2007 at 8:52am \| IP Logged

I think its hard not to be influenced by others, especially with your first. Like you I had loads of advice thrown at me, most of which I tried to ignore, but if it sounded like a good idea, I'll give it a go. I try not to compete with others re: Ben's development, but do sometimes get dran it ot it (well MY son can already do that! lol) I think as long as you listen to your heart as well as others opinion then you can get a balance and parent in your own unique way.

I must admit, I found it easier to take on board strangers, or friends advice, rather than parents or inlaws! I think I didn't like being told what to do by family, but didn't mind others advice. Funny but true!

Madzwalker
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Posted: 15 August 2007 at 9:18am \| IP Logged

This is a tough one. My first thought was No! I am not at all. I have raised Edward my way from the start.

This is basically true. I was very lucky - my mum never pushed any views on me and I asked her if I needed advice. She knew I was capable and was really worried about forcing her views on me. I have brought Edward up much the same as my brother and I were brought up - mainly because I dont think my parents did too bad a job.

Obviously I am influenced by other people on madmums if they post about a discipline technique or weaning method that has worked well. I try to follow my heart though and take only the advice on board I feel fits into my parenting style.

As for competitiveness I do think I am above it. Obviously there are times when it is hard. Edward was slow to talk whereas my friends little girl (same age) was chatting long before. However I just reminded myself that Edward was crawling, walking and climbing before her and all children are different.

DP can be bad for competing. If my friends daughter is over and completes a puzzle of Eds I have DP whispering in my ear - Can Eds do that yet? He seems relieved when I say yes. I keep telling him Eds is a bright kid and not to worry but I suppose I get a lot more reassurance from you guys.

I think on whole - If I need advice, I ask for it - after all this is all new to me! However I have my own way of parenting I am comfortable and works well for us so I dont tend to change it. I am frequently complemented on my parenting style - both by my friends and family and by complete strangers (for example on the plane last week) which is always a nice boost!

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Posted: 15 August 2007 at 9:49am \| IP Logged

I wouldn't say I was influenced by other parents, but I do ask for help and advice (esp here, lol) and do take that on board.

steph
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Posted: 15 August 2007 at 9:55am \| IP Logged

lol...erm tbh not really. Ive done what my parents did with us and kind of expanded on it to suit me. Ive seen a few peeps give it oooo you have to do this and you have to do that...but that tends to go in one ear..smile sweetly..nd promptly ignored...but thats just me.

amypiper
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Posted: 15 August 2007 at 10:12am \| IP Logged

Ermmm probably not. I do what I feel is right I guess!

Dizie
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Posted: 15 August 2007 at 7:40pm \| IP Logged

I would say I was and am influenced by my sister (ok 3small, this is a compliment, don't milk it

). I'm older than her, but she did the getting married bit 1st and the having kids 1st and her 3 not-so-small boys are lovely, well balanced boys (no really, the are!) so things like their routine, discipline etc I've cribbed from my sis.

If I see something that works for someone else that I like the look of, then I'll probably try it with Ella and equally, if I'm after some help or advice, I have no qualms about asking on here or asking friends.

That said, I adamantly won't be pushed into something by peer pressure so for example, a friend of mine potty trained her DD at 17 months and said I should do the same. No way was Ella anywhere near ready or interested. Her DD had loads and loads of accidents and although the mother was adamant she was potty trained, her DD had at least 4 or 5 accidents a day.

It is hard though sometimes, for example some of Ella's friends have all stopped sleeping in the day and the pressure is sometimes on to go out in the afternoons and do something - but Ella needs a sleep still and so I won't cave. Its is hard sometimes though.

MUM2MAXTOM
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Posted: 15 August 2007 at 7:49pm \| IP Logged

I give and take advice.

Not too proud to take some advice on board, but can be selective what advice I do take. Afterall parenting is all trial and error.

mum of 4!
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Posted: 15 August 2007 at 8:35pm \| IP Logged

I have always appreciated any advice i have been offered, weather it was good or not so good, worked or not.
Not being close to my Mum was really hard at first, as i had no one to turn to for simple problems and questions when lo's were young, but the most important thing i've learned being a Mum, is to always trust your own instincts.
If you feel something is right or wrong for your own child, then go with it.
It always helps to share your experinces with others, as everyone has a different way of doing things, and so your bound to find some way of sorting out what problems you have, but I've never done anything i didnt feel happy with just because someone suggested or said it was better to do it that certain way.
x-x-x

MumSam
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Posted: 15 August 2007 at 8:38pm \| IP Logged

If I thought that what somebody else did or does would help within our family then yes I would try it and maybe adapt a technique to our needs. I don't think I am in to the my son is better than your child bit though and wouldn't teach them to say count to 10 just because someone elses child did it, I let Ols develop at his own pace. When I was younger with the girls I think I worried much more about their development and whether they were doint what other peoples children were doing but over time I have realised that they all catch up in the end even the late bloomers.

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