Pregnancy Forums

Posted: 11 October 2007 at 12:45pm | IP Logged

Hey all.

I'm here to ask for advice regarding my sister.

On the 10th March this year she attended for her 20week scan and was sadly informed that her baby (Lily) was dead. She went through an induced delivery of her daughter (which was rather complicated and required surgery).

We awaited the results of Lily's post mortem to find out why this had happened. She had suffered a placental abruption and Lily had died only 6 days prior to her being scanned.

Following the funeral, my sister had an extended period off work, she was finding it very difficult to cope with her grief(her very first pregnancy) and was extremely angry with the entire world. Eventually she did return to work during the summer.

She then blew me away by announcing she was pregnant again. I was proud of her for having the guts to go for it despite her previous suffering.

Today she attended for the fated 20week scan. She has been told her child is smaller than normal and she must return next week to see the obstretician.

Basically she's in bits, how can I help her? I'm all she has besides her partner(she is still unable to tolerate her own friends as most have babies and she has cut herself off from them). She can just about tolerate my 2 girls but they are school age so not quite as poignant and she already loved them prior to losing Lily. Our parents are currently touring the world and won't be back in the country until December, I don't want to worry them and spoil their trip but am at a loss as to how to offer her support.

Advice will be gratefully received.

/K

Posted: 11 October 2007 at 12:50pm | IP Logged

All you can do is be there for her...listen to her when she wants to talk..hold her when she crys...and give her a kick up the bum when required.  Theres not really a lot else that you can do, otherwise known as 'chocolate fireguard' syndrome.

Shes bound to be in pieces, which is fully understandable and shes likely to stress loads until she holds her baby.

Its a toughie chick, and i wish her and you all the luck in the world

Posted: 11 October 2007 at 1:00pm | IP Logged

The fact she has to return to see the obs person next week is good.  It means that they are keeping an eye on her.  I went in for a few scans with my last one as he was small for dates they even put my dates back by 5 weeks, and although according to the docs he was born at 37-38 weeks, the fact that everything had stopped working, meant that he was actually 43 weeks, even the consultanat agreed with my dates then.  She will be worrying more so because of the miscarraige that she had, and unfortuneatly there is nothing that will make it any easier for her.

As Steph just be there for her to cry on your shoulders, as there really isn't anything else you can do.

Posted: 11 October 2007 at 1:04pm | IP Logged

Nothing I can add really - just wanted to wish your sister the very best of luck. It's totally understandable that she is worried - all you can do is be there for her.

xxx

Posted: 11 October 2007 at 1:08pm | IP Logged

I'm sorry to hear of your sisters loss.

I cannot add to what has already been said as Vix and Steph have said all that i can think. Just be there for her when she really needs you which i'm sure thats what you are doing anyway.

My girls were 8 weeks prem and were tiny but they are fit and healthy and more and more tiny babys make it. My auntie had the same problem with her daughter. They told her she was 2 small and she had to keep going back and she weighed just over 5lb when she was born but if you saw her now she is huge lol. She is 5 in december and could pass as 6 or 7.

Fingers crossed everything will be fine. They will keep an eye on her anyway or should because of her previous pregnancy. Keep us updated. xxxxx

Posted: 11 October 2007 at 1:20pm | IP Logged

Wow

Thanks guys, you lot know how to make a newbie welcome!

They are indeed keeping a very close eye on her, today's scan was I think the 6th shes had. Once her obs lady found out she was paying for a private one she immediately told her off and insisted she come every fortnight on the NHS so there may be hope for the Health service yet!

I am trying to be there and support her, geography and my life as mum to 2 girls make this harder than I would like.

And Steph the kick up the bum thing does indeed work work well at times. Mines always a chocolate teapot not firgeuard tho.

/K

Posted: 11 October 2007 at 1:35pm | IP Logged

Hun you doing a remarkable thing, i'm sure the mum's at school will help you out and pick up your girls and have them round to tea whilst you support your sister. I have found out that the school network is just fab. for stuff like that (hospital appointments always seem to be at school collection time, if they're not once you add traffic and travel they are!)

The girls above have said it all. Be there for her hun, if she's feeling brave enough invite her on here.... my mum was a natural abortionist her womb was (has had a hystroectomy now) the wrong way round and she had an incomitant (sp?) cervix and she lost 5 children before she carried me and when i was born, 1 day early but i only weighed 5lb 1oz, so i know's it's difficult but it doesn't mean doom, she just gets more peeks for her lo and the clothes don't seem so scary when you hold them up against the bump and think oh my god!!! ( I did and it made me panic about how to get it out!! lol)

Chin up hun we're here for you both. It's not easy when you have kids of your own but you seem to be doing a fine juggling act hun so remember that. You're doing fine, it is hard but we'll all help to get you though it. xxx

Posted: 11 October 2007 at 2:06pm | IP Logged

Sorry to hear about Lily. But offer my congratualtions to your sister on this pregnancy.

I think you are already supporting her by doing what you currently doing. As others have said she proberbly wont stop worrying until she hold the baby in her arms.

I hope this pg continues to be healthy