Pregnancy Forums

Posted: 14 November 2007 at 7:10pm | IP Logged

Well Hannah, I think his mum and dad should be held partly responsible. Do you get on with them? If he is old enough to get you pregnant then he is old enough to take some of the struggle that you re going to face.

Jain

Posted: 14 November 2007 at 7:13pm | IP Logged

No i aint. It may sound stupid, but if i cant be bothered with his daughter its him thatw ill lose out, not me i will not miss out on her growing up but he will. Its his choice to take care and care about her or not, but if her dont choicew soon eh def wont be on the birth ceticifate

Posted: 15 November 2007 at 9:02am | IP Logged

Hiya Hannah. 

Welcome to the site.  I'm Beckiy, I am 22 and expecting my 2nd baby in March. 

I have 1 DD Louise who is 2 years old and live with my DH in Lincolnshire!

Good luck with your pregnancy. 

xx B xx

Posted: 15 November 2007 at 10:22am | IP Logged

Hi Hannah,

This must be a very difficult time for you, i was 19 when i fell pregnant with my first but was 20 by the time he came along but it was difficult then as my chap (now ex) had found a way to cut off my family and he wasn't much support at all.

It's a difficult decision and i hope you've spoken to the various departments like social services etc for some help and guidence and help in getting benifits etc as i found it all so confusing..... Just knowing whats out there to help you other than your parents might help you make a more informed decision..... i'm glad your parents are standing by you as it must be a huge shock for them too.

I'm tsena by the way and i live with my dp in cambridgeshire with my 2 boys (6yrs and 18mths)

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Posted: 15 November 2007 at 1:10pm | IP Logged

Hi I'm Helen, mum to Ben whos 3. We live in Rutland with dh Dean.

Good luck with the rest of your pg. I agree with madz about putting the father on the birth certificate. If anything it'll shame him when your daughter asks about him and you can tell her he wanted nothing to do with her. And it'll help with money too, I should think. You need to get all this checked out, before you make a decision not to name him. I tihnk you're very brave in all this, and hope you can make the right decisions for yourself and your daughter.

Posted: 15 November 2007 at 3:11pm | IP Logged

My DH isn't on his daughter's birth certificate, however he was still contacted by the CSA because she gave them his details. He of course verified that he was Beckie's Dad so that wasn't a problem, but if he's not on the birth certificate he can choose to deny he's the father which will make getting maintenence far more difficult. The problem Hannah may have is that she can't put his name on the birth certificate (unless they were married which I'm assuming they aren't) unless he goes with her to register the birth and signs the birth certificate. So unless Hannah and the Dad or on speaking terms by this time, it could be rather difficult either way. Just random information there, hope it helps.

Welcome Hannah I'm Clare and I'm married and 26 weeks pregnant with my second child (I already have one daughter who is 8) I know you've got a lot going on at the moment hun, but I just want to wish you lots of luck and well wishes in whatever you decide to do for yourself and your baby {{{hugs}}}

Edited to add: I just realised that my explanation of DH's situation with his daughter makes it sound like he doesn't pay He does. It's just we refuse to give Beckie's Mum cash (because we know for a fact that she spends 90% of the money she gets on going out clubbing and designer clothes and other random rubbish for her dodgy BF) so instead we buy Beckie the stuff she needs or give the money to her Gran to spend on her and keep the receipts, which keeps the CSA at bay. Sorry for going OT, just wanted to get that across so my poor DH didn't look like a lousy father LOL

Posted: 15 November 2007 at 3:43pm | IP Logged

I can prove he is the father, i dont want him on the birth cetificate, but will make sure if she ever wants the details of her father i have them to give to her. No hima nd his family are all the same theydont want anything to do with Faith, but its their choice they are the people loosing out on her not me, i will get all the joy from looking after her, and bringing her up and teaching her to talk etc.

Posted: 15 November 2007 at 3:58pm | IP Logged

I don't want to appear to be throwing problems up, but if you're referring to DNA to prove he is the father, then that isn't always an easy answer. DNA tests aren't cheap and if he refuses to take one, it would all have to go through the courts which of course will be very stressful and you and your family. Also because of the costs of courts etc, the CSA would not be overly enthusiastic to go down that path so it could all become very long winded As silly as it sounds you'd probably have more chance getting DNA tests done in a quicker time via something like the Jeremy Kyle Show, but TBH I could never imagine having my personal life publicised on National TV so it certainly wouldn't be an option I could ever consider.

It's such a shame that he and his family don't want to be involved in your little girls life; they are truly doing themselves a discredit. She's very lucky to have you and your family that are going to love her and have her best interests at heart.