Parenting Forums

Posted: 19 December 2007 at 9:32pm | IP Logged

I've just had an email from Joshua's auntie (dad's sister) arranging a time to meet over Christmas. I dont mind at all him seeing his dad's family I have always kept up communications with them. However, I havent seen any of his dad's family since I told them that his dad was not going to have any part of Joshua's life, ever. His dad lost his millionth chance by letting Joshua down AGAIN earlier in the year and I have since told him that he is to stay away. His sister (Joshua's auntie) took the news fine. She understood, and had always said that Joshua need stability and his dad couldnt provide that. No one told his mum, we waited for my ex to do that, but he never did. She was recently told by his sister and she has taken the news quite bad. She has mixed feelings abouti t, so I have a feeling that this meeting may be slightly awkward. I know she understands, but I think she feels like she is going behind Joshua's dads back by staying in contact. Hopefully we'll get to talk about it and I'll be able to explain.

To add to my problems I've yet to tell my parents that Im taking him to see them. My mum doesn't really like the idea of his family having anything to do with Joshua. I try to reassure her that she is Joshua's grandma and no one else, Joshua only see's his nainie (ex's mum) 2-3 times a year. My mum still hates it, but I am Joshua's mum and I think it is important to let him stay in contact with his dads side of the family. For as long as they want contact I wont stop it.

I love being a parent, and I am not unhappy being a single parent, but boy sometimes having an absent parent is awkward lol And Ive had to go out and buy 2 more Christmas presents lol

Posted: 19 December 2007 at 9:53pm | IP Logged

Awww mate I can relate to your dilemma being a single mum myself.

I think you're doing the right thing keeping the communication and contact open to Justin's family.  Afterall, if they've done nothing wrong why should there be punished (not that I'm saying you're punishing them because you're not)?  I think it's lovely that Joshua's Auntie has been a constant person in his life and if her mother has any common sense she'll adore Joshua and be a support to you.

In real life we know that not everyone thinks the same way, so be prepared for some awkwardness.  And if it doesn't work out then no-one can blame you for not trying because you have evidently done your upmost to sort it out.

I'm in a slightly different situation with my ex-in laws as they live abroad and see the boys when their dad can get leave.  It's usually for about a fortnight a year, but that's the best they'll get while he's abroad.  I haven't seen my ex sister in law since we split and his parents have stayed away as well.  I think they want to give me space to heal more than anything, but I wouldn't be surprised if I don't see them again. 

They email me frequently and I send photies, but my ex needs to understand that he also has a responsibility to his boys to ensure that they get to see his family.

Yes, it is hard being a single parent and we do tend to over compensate, don't we?  Guilt plays a factor, but I'm trying to put that into sort of perspective.  I think it's a common single parent symptom.  I'm still coming to terms with the fact the boys don't have their dad, but they are managing without him.  I feel like it's been a long journey so yours most have felt like an expedition! I find myself getting stronger by the day, rediscovering who I am.  I'm so proud at how my children handled what life has thrown at them and like you've said so often, Chris, there's only one person who's responsible for that and that's me.  You're a great mum, one of the strongest, most determined women ever and I hold my hat off to you.

Bless you, sweetheart.  xxx

Posted: 20 December 2007 at 7:56am | IP Logged

I cant stand my ex..and the feeling is mutual...even if he has behaved for the last 12 months.

However, his family are a different kettle of fish...he tried his best to erm make me the bad person...however, because I have never stopped them from seeing tasja or having contact with her he kind of failed.

Early on in the year, his sister and her hubby came to pick tasja up to take her away on a holiday..and they were trying to book into a hotel, i said they could stay here..was a bit awkward for first 10minutes, then we started to have a giggle...as long as we all steered clear of talking about the ex then we were fine.  His sister didnt realise what we went through when tasja went away without isla...and when isla is in floods of tears as tasja is getting in the car, his sister started crying as theyd never even considered about isla.  His mum and dad phone me once or twice a week, which is nice and have always backed me with decisions where madam is concerned.

Just go with the flow chick is all im saying.  Youve not done anything wrong at all, his dad is the waste of space, yet his family want to stay in touch.  Cant argue with that one at all.  Just agree to disagree, be yourself, be strong and explain that you want your decision respected.....sounds easy, reality harder...but once thats out the way you can and so can joshua enjoy yourselves