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Posted: 06 January 2008 at 10:45am | IP Logged

I have always suffered from feeling a bit insecure in my life.  If I have to attend a meeting then I feel really nervous about it before hand.  Over the years I have managed to cover it up really well to the extent if I tell anyone that knows me they think I am joking.  In the past this has stopped me going for promotions of doing jobs that were maybe a little more taxing.  In my current job I have refused to let the feelings rule my job and have gone for the promotions and achieved them.

Just before Christmas I had to attend a big meeting in Manchester and give a presentation.  I refused to feel nervous before hand and successfully managed to ignore my feelings and with only a little shaking deliver the presentation.  However, all over Christmas it has played on my mind, maybe someone noticed me shaking, maybe I was crap, maybe I am not good enough to do the job, when will the fall come and will I get the sack.  Those sorts of feelings.

I am not sure I am explaining this all that well but I guess it's a feeling of vunerability and lack of self confidence.  How do you get over this, are there coping techniques, I don't really want to take medication as I battled for years to get off anti-d's.  Is it just the way I am and is ignoring it the way to go?  I suppose it would be classed as anxiety, can that get worse over time, I am petrified I will have a panic attack and not know what it is even though I have never had one before.  Am I just cracking up??  Ok don't answer the last question....

Posted: 06 January 2008 at 11:25am | IP Logged

Sam I feel the same. To the extent that I hate to answer the phone if I dont know whos on the other end and hate calling call centres etc. I wont even call dh's office and always call his mobile instead. Its horrible and I find that when I can feel my depression sinking in, or my SAD, I am much worse.

I have stuggled with anxiety in the past and had a breakdown a few years ago where I couldnt eat, sleep or leave the house. DH was away and I had to move in with my parents, take anti d's and have 4 weeks of work to recover. Since then I have made a conscious effort not to let it take over me.

I have a book with self help tips which I will hunt out and give you some advice. You sound like you are doing really well though. Just take some time to congratulate yourself on what you have achieved! 

Posted: 06 January 2008 at 11:27am | IP Logged

Mate...what youve had is perfectly normal and natural with no need for medication whatsoever.

I had to give a full briefing every friday when i was in the RAF...both to the peeps in our office, but also the whole station.  So had to stand up in front of 250 plus people and give a briefing on the 'week that was' as well as what was coming up in the following week.  What equipment was working, what wasnt, when it was getting fixed, downtime to get it fixed, exercises and full info on the exercises, weather reports (which we had to compile ourselves), as well as an intelligence brief (i know full contridiction of the term) on a subject matter that the station commander would choose....so no pressure.

It is incredibly nerve wracking...as we are not designed to do stuff like that.  I would start stressing about it on the wednesday, not sleep properly, sneak off into the briefing room and load up all my disks and practice and practice and practice.  I had to do my brief in front of my cpls first, and they would nit pick it as well as my performance. Then on the friday morning...off I went.

I hated doing it...would be shaking like a leaf..brain would forget what i had to say..stuff like that.  But the more I did, not the easier it got, but I found ways of doing it.  I would only look at the station commander (well he was the boss)..i would do what looked like a sweep of the room with eyes..but in fact was looking at the walls. 

The tips my cpls told me were: pretend confidence even if your shaking in your boots, take your time over speaking and pause at the end of each slide, no hands in pockets, no fiddling with anything in your pockets, no eeerrrrms, or ummms. 

They told me that it just comes in time, nobody likes doing it, but its the nature of the beast.

Of course you are good enough to do the job..they wouldnt have given it to you if you werent.  You can do it...just shoulders back, back straight, deep breath and jump straight in.  All you can do chick

Posted: 06 January 2008 at 2:14pm | IP Logged

Yup hunny, I think you are about as normal as everyone else (scary isnt it!)  I used to suffer badly with anxiety.  I found that relaxation techniques and visualisations really helped to keep the nerves at bay.  I could dig some of my stuff out for you if you wish, I would be more than happy to help.

Dont worry about it hunny, we're all here with you sweetheart xxxx

Posted: 06 January 2008 at 5:30pm | IP Logged

Sounds perfectly normal to me, Sam.  If you didn't have nerves before a presentation I would think there was something wrong.

I used to get absolutely petrified just before taking a driving test.  I equate my feelings of pre-driving test jitters to how you must feel in a presentation as I would stammer, shake and sweat and be on the verge of having a panic attack.  I ended up failing 6 tests due to nerves so sought advice from my doctor who refused to prescribe me anything. 

So I went to the herbal remedy store and bought a bottle of Kalms which are  herbal sedatives.  After taking a couple I felt an instant calm take place and I passed the seventh test!

With work I've been doing the same sort of high level meetings for well over a decade now so I'm a little more blase about it.  I still get nervous before going to a meeting but experience has told me that getting enough sleep before the night often helps to focus me as does being totally prepared. 

Another tip is that there is bound to be someone else at the meeting feeling the same way.  For example, my manager claims she feels intimidated by the big Chief Constable (who is a pussycat-lolol), yet I would've never guessed as she had always appeared confident and in control.

I don't think you're insecure, you've just lost a little confidence. Yet you've done so well so far so please take some comfort and self satisfaction in that.

Hope I've helped in some small way.

Zo xx

Posted: 06 January 2008 at 10:34pm | IP Logged

Yay I am normal .  I used Kalms for my driving test hadn't thought to use them for anything else in fact had forgotten all about them, might be worth a try.  I seem to get post stress, I can ignore the build up to an event but it's afterwards when I start to analyse what I did or didn't do, worry about whether I was ok or not.  Most of the presentations I have to do are away from my familiar environment too so I normally have had to stay in a hotel the night before and drive a hire car (manual and we have an automatic) the day before, hmm no wonder I feel a little anxious.  Maybe I just expect too much from myself.  When I look at where I have come in my life I can't always believe it's actually happening to me.

Thanks girls you have made me feel a little better.  Next time I have a presentation or an interview I will be asking your advice lol