| Posted: 27 January 2008 at 9:23pm | IP Logged
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I am so upset, i weighed myself to see where i would be "starting from" and i have put on over a stone since october! I am mortified, i can't break free from convinience food, and junk, yet i know it is detrimental to my health to continue this lifestyle!
I just wish it was as easy as celebs make it out to be! I can't stand being deprived of things like chocolate, yet i can't eat it in moderation no more! I think i have an issue with food, i'm terrified to become my mum's size, yet i can't stop myself! And i am pretty damn close to being her size...For some reason my brain still thinks i am slim! Yet everytime i pass a shop window or mirror i am painfully reminded that i am no where near that size, and that i am more than twice that weight!
It is getting me down so much, we are TTC currently, yet i have no sex drive because i am paranoid about being naked in front of my own hubby! It hurts me so much that i can't enjoy a sex life without it being ruined by the sudden thought of what it must look like!
To top it off i really think my depression is back with avengance! I have been having some rather disturbing dreams and thoughts, and dare i say it..wishes!
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