Parenting Forums

Posted: 05 February 2008 at 4:39pm | IP Logged

Sorry for not knowing whats gone on and what your dd has done, but please think long and hard before telling her to go, if she does eventually come back. My mum made that mistake with my eldest sister when she was 16, she was terrible and absolute nightmare to live with, she used to beat me and my sisters up, she attacked my mum and all sorts.  Nearly 11 years on she still has not forgiven nor spoken to my mum.  She is in daily contact with me and my siblings and I am closest to her now but all the bridges have well and truely been burned where my mum is concerned.  Not for want of trying on my mums part, my sister has two lo's which my mum has never met.

Teenages seem to think they are adults and ready to take on the world far earlier than they are ready too I dont know what to advise as i dont have a teenager. 

Will she have somewhere to stay? Eat? Money?

Posted: 05 February 2008 at 4:59pm | IP Logged

She is staying with her bf just now and as far as I know, he will be paying for her keep which wont last long.

I've had a long, long think and if and I mean IF, I let her come home, she is going to be living under extremely dstrict rules and bunking in with Sophie as I feel she has lost the right to her own space if she is just going to wreck it.

Posted: 05 February 2008 at 6:25pm | IP Logged

Aww hazy i know this must be so hard! If and when she does come home i would sit her down and see if you can both come to an agreement over rules and space. I know i would be acting the same as you but please be careful on your decisions. Maybe seeing a councillor or someone who can help with the stress and locked up feelings that are causing all this. She has to make her own mistakes hunny thats just the way it has to be. I do hope you get all this sorted. xxxx

Posted: 05 February 2008 at 7:00pm | IP Logged

I just want to send you huge hugs as i cant imagine what you are going through and dread the days that my dd becomes a teenager but like the others have said please think about what you are doing as my mil fell out with 1 of her dd and i know she regretts what has happened.

In 5 years time things could be so different, you could be sat around chatting and she may well be saying sorry mum i cant believe i put you through all of that, or you could be sat saying i wish i had just given it 1 more try, who knows what will happen but i would hate for you to live the rest of your life regretting shutting her out now.

If you get the chance try and talk about what she is so angry about, to be honest you might not like her answers or even agree with them but think about it from her point of view, somehow teenagers do think differently, hormones are raging it is a difficult time and some cope with it better than others.

I hope this doesnt come across wrong i just dont want you to lose your dd, she may be a pain but i have to say i cant imagine never speaking to any of mine again there would have to be a very very serious resons for that to happen. Good luck xxx

Posted: 06 February 2008 at 3:42pm | IP Logged

I wanted to go for counselling together but she wouldn't hear of it, so that was that.

I have tried to get her into an anger management programme, but nope.

All I really want is some respect for me, andy, the wee ones and our house which we are trying so hard to make a home, but she is hell bent on destroying it.

I really feel at the end of it all, it's my fault as I gave in too much when Sophie was born as I had PND and she took advantage of me being so down.

Posted: 10 February 2008 at 10:49am | IP Logged

Hun don't blame yourself! Hindsight is a wonderful thing...... i'm sure there are things we'd all like to do differently....

I suppose the ladies above are just trying to make sure you don't with hindsight in 5, 10 years time look back and think fudge i could have done this.... Teenagers are very good at being blinkered to the hilt and it's often their way of the highway...... try not to say never means never and just be willing to reasses it when and if the time comes x

Posted: 11 February 2008 at 4:01pm | IP Logged

I'm sorry ladies and I feel like I'm throwing all your help back in your faces but this child has to go and go now.

Today she had to stop herself from launching a glass in my face.

The cheek and hurtful words are one thing, but I refuse to be made to feel afraid for my own safety in my home.

I have been slapped, punched, had juice thrown over me, my home kicked to bits, and now this.

Sorry, but she has to go for my own safety.

Posted: 11 February 2008 at 4:34pm | IP Logged

I'm sorry it has come to this Hazy. You are quite right though - she cannot be allowed to use violence against you, or anyone else in the house - and you can't live in fear of when she will turn on you. She definitely sounds like she could do with some kind of counselling/anger management - I hope she eventually manages to get some help.

Sending you a hug - I am thinking of you.

xxx