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Posted: 11 February 2008 at 1:41pm | IP Logged

It was a long morning at the hospital today, especially as I had mini me in tow. After much prodding, poking, looking and stabbing my consultant called me through.

He asked me how I have been, and so I told him how I have been almost pain free since starting my medication, although no period. I also explained to him the pain I had in January, and the pain when I engage in sexual activity. He said to me that everything seemed to be getting under control, and he thinks the pain I experienced mid January was related to the bad sexual experience I had at new year. He said so long as I stay on the medication he can not see why I wouldn't be pain free continually (or at least no where near as bad)  He then followed that with, 'assuming you dont want to try for a baby. I laughed, told him I wasn't ttc and that I had no intention of in the near future, and just laughed saying although I am extremely broody lol He said, "thats the bodies way of wanting what it cant have".

I got all serious and asked him straight out what my chances of ever being able to conceive again. He said, and I quote "Christine, your ovaries have almost completely packed up working, honestly, I dont think hormone treatment would help you conceive"... "but, never say never if it is something you want in the future we'll cross that bridge then" He didn't say it, but I could feel it, if you know what I mean, my chances are getting slimmer by the day, and I dont think a natural conception is even an option anymore. He tried to cheer me up by saying when he gives this news to most women its bad news, but he hoped that knowing I was pain free would bring me some good news, even if it was in a weird way.

I know he's right, and he's probably right about me only wanting a baby now because its something I cant have. It doesn't make the news any better. I am glad everything is under control, and I am glad that the pain is practically gone. I'm also a bit glad knowing the full truth. I just kept holding on to a bit of hope that one day it'll all magically go away and I'll be a 'normal' woman again. Its really hard to explain, but although I'm all woman on the outside, I feel really empty and inadequate on the inside. I just need to get rid of that thought of maybe, and accept its unlikely. That will hopefully stop me getting disappointed everytime something else goes a bit wrong.

He's not concerned about the post-intercourse bleeding. Swobs, smear and examination show no infection, no scarring, or any other problems. He has said if I continue to bleed then regular smears would be a good idea although he didn't think it was anything to worry about. He doesn't want to see me now for 6 months, unless the pain returns monthly and he'll reassess the medication, but he doesn't think thats likely. He's also referred me to a hormone specialist to see if there is anything else that can be done to kick start my monthly cycle, however he did say that I shouldn't hold much hope in that, but it was worth a try.

So all in all, I think its all good news lol Nothing has actually been solved, I have PCOS, and I still dont have any periods and now my ovaries have given up lol, but at least Im pain free (so long as I behave and stay away from horny men lol)