Parenting Forums

Posted: 20 February 2008 at 3:46pm | IP Logged

I need help at the mo.

I'm at a loss my girls are becoming so independent they are now trying to tell me what i should or shouldn't do. Their attitudes are funny but frustrating at times i feel like pulling my hair out.

They start nursery next month and i'm dreading them getting in trouble as if i shout at them in front of other people they go and hide and it really upsets them. So i try to tell them but they know they are in trouble and still try and hide.

I shout at the girls and they get an occasional smack if they really deserve it. The problem is i know they are trying to find themselves and try to be big girls but its frustrating when they shout back at me. Ashleigh has even tried to hit me a few times which i will not stand for and she knows its naughty. I try and make them go to their room but they get so upset it doesn't really seem to do anything. I can't do time out on the naughty step as my stairs are in the living room and they just sit and watch telly so its not really time out. I can't turn the tv off as the other one probably hasn't done anything.

I just feel i am losing at the minute and they are controlling me rather than the other way around.

What forms of punishment do you use?

I don't want to stop them being independent but they need to know that what i say goes. I stick to what i say as i know its bad if you don't. I just feel i am not in control and always giving in to their demands.

Posted: 20 February 2008 at 4:08pm | IP Logged

We use the naughty step as we have steps leading down to our kitchen

I would put a cushion or a rug for each of them in an area away from the tv/toys etc and explain to them thats where they'll go if they are naughty - the key is to give warnings before using and then placing them in the area - always returning them if they leave before their 3 minutes are up. You'll spend the first few times constantly taking them back but they will get it.

We also have used the taking toys away method - we gathered together a group of their favourite toys and explained one would be taken away every time they got into trouble and then returned upon good behaviour - this worked well for a spell but they have so many they just found something else!!

On the other hand though I would set up a reward chart/sticker chart for good behaviour - working towards a treat at the end of the week. Its important that good behaviour is given a lot of praise etc and fussed over so they see how good a reaction they get from it.

If your girls are anything like mine they'll love stickers so every time they are well behaved/do as they are told they get a sticker and if they get a certain amount for the week they get something nice - ie trip to the park etc etc

I know what you are going through and you feel helpless sometimes but they are just testing their boundaries and once they realise there behaviour isn't acceptable they'll get bored and give up!

I think nursery will be great for them and will help them with knowing right from wrong a bit better - I know it worked wonders for Ellis and I am hoping it'll improve Lily's sharing skills!!

Good luck - its tough to stick to it at first but you'll get there eventually

xx

Posted: 20 February 2008 at 4:32pm | IP Logged

Thanks ladies i am going to use the naughty cusion in the kitchen.

Fee i do praise them for being good but it doesn't seem to make any difference, i have decided to do the sticker chart.

I have got a piece of A4 paper for each one. I have put a name at the top of each sheet and put numbers from 1-10 down the side. I have told them that every time they are good they get to put a sticker down the side of the numbers and when they get to ten they will get a treat.

Every time they have to sit on the naughty cushion they will lose a sticker. I have only just done this but they are already behaving lol.. So fingers crossed this will work.

P.s i have stuck these to the fridge so they can keep an eye on it. I have told them that if they get ready for bed without a fight and go when they are told they can have another sticker. They go to bed when they are told its keeping them there some nights thats the problem.

Posted: 20 February 2008 at 7:10pm | IP Logged

Well it worked. They started playing up and i took the sticker away and made them sit on the naughty cusion in the kitchen.

They cried and then as soon as i said now go and sit on the sofa they couldn't get there fast enough.

Then i told them if they went straight to bed they could have another sticker. So they have 1 sticker again.

Which they are just about to lose if they don't stay in their room.

Posted: 20 February 2008 at 7:13pm | IP Logged

Awww hun just don't forget before they come off the cushion/chair etc to get an apology (sp??) and tell them again what they did wrong and why they where there ie... right i asked you to go to your naughty spots because you where jumping on the sofa and that is naughty behaviour, i asked you not to do it..... do you have something to say? wait for the sorry then let them off it.

If they hit or hurt each other don't give the warnings straight to the naughty spot as you don't want to end up in a situation where you are going ok you hit me once if you do it again etc etc

Have fun hun