Health Forums

Posted: 03 April 2008 at 4:22pm | IP Logged

I'm not up on legal stuff but just wanted to let you know that you can unburden yourself here whenever you like.

Now my welcome, I'm Hazel and have 3 kids, Bex is 16, Sophie is 5 and 1/2 and Adam is 3. We all live with my hubby, Andy up in the Highlands.

Posted: 03 April 2008 at 4:37pm | IP Logged

Hi there Hazel,

I should have introduced myself when I came on this site.  I just suddenly threw my problems at everyone lol.

My name is Susan. I've got a little boy whos 16 months old called Arman and a second one on the way (i'm 6 wks pregnant) EDD 27th November.  I live in Slough, Berkshire "down south"  and have done so for the last 5 years. I'm originally from Dunfermline in Fife, way up there in bonny Scotland.  I've been on many many visits up there to the Highlands and I love it.  My aunt and uncle live in Orkney and I have other relatives who live in Oban and Fort William.  Here's me rambling on about Scotland, I've gone into a day dream now wishing I was there. lol

Posted: 03 April 2008 at 4:52pm | IP Logged

Hi Susan,

I'm Amanda, im 26 and i have 4 children, we live in Staffordshire with my dh.

Reading all through your posts and replies, it sounds like you have so much to deal with. I'm certainly not suprised your feeling so down and depressed.
I think you should start dealing with all your problems one by one.
Take a bit of time to pick out most important thing first and work on that as best you can just so things dont seem to build up making you feel out of control.
That way, everything will get sorted without you feeling like your stuck in the middle of nowhere.. give you something to focus on.

It must be such a hard situation to be in with your parents though, and all i suggest is give it time.
I'm sure they do really love you and your son, and soon enough they will realise what they are missing out on.

I hope things turn out well for you and all of your family, we will try to help out as best we can hun.
Take care.
Amanda
x-x-x

Posted: 03 April 2008 at 7:43pm | IP Logged

Hi Amanda,

I just read your post now... 4 children!!!! wow that's amazing.  I am also 26 and as I mentioned in my prev post I am expecting again with my second.  By the time I have this one, my son will be 2 years old. I keep thinking over and over again how will I cope with 2 kids, but when I read that you had 4 its made me think that its not impossible!  If you dont mind me asking how old are your children?

I need to relax a lot, and as you say, take things step by step.  I just feel that I've had a lot to deal with and nothing seems to get better.  I dont want anyone to think that I just talk negatively all the time, but its just been so hard. 

I've even had to adapt to my husbands culture which takes a long time to get used to.  I am used to a very private life, and then when I married my husband, suddenly we were swamped with visitors every day (these people are friends of his family back in their village in Pakistan).  They would come to his sisters house (where I am living) and sit for hours on end talking in their own language and when you have to put up with this day after day it gets really annoying.  These people who come round treat the place like its their own.  When I put my son to bed, they ask to see him and if i dont bring him downstairs they come upstairs to the room where he's sleeping without seeking anyones permission and my husband and his sister think this is acceptable.  The village culture where my husband comes from is full of people who live in each others pockets, they dont understand privacy and often visit each other at any time of the day and night,  (their relatives live here in Slough). They come to visit us almost every day, and turn up at ridiculous hours like 10pm at night and stay through till 1am in the morning.  I've told my husband that I dont like this way of life, but we end up arguing and fighting.  He always insists that even though we have 2 children, we should go to peoples houses every day and pay respect.  I can't stand this kind of life, because all these people want is some juicy gossip about what is going on between me and my husband so that they can spread the news to others.  Despite this, hubby thinks its our duty to pay respects to those living here who are related to his "village people" back in Pakistan.  It drives me utterly crazy, not to mention I have problems with my parents at the moment, an awful pregancy and problems with trying to find somewhere to live. Ohhh never mind hopefully things will get better...just have to smile! 

Posted: 03 April 2008 at 8:16pm | IP Logged

Hello and welcome to Madmums.  It does sound like you are in a difficult situation but you can only tackle one at a time.  I think that you probably need to tackle your housing situation, especially with a baby on the way, the other reason why I think you need to tackle this one is because it's a practical thing to do where as trying to sort out the emotional turmoil with your parents at the moment when you are not starting from a strong base might just be a little too much especially with pregnancy hormones racing around your body.

I would have thought you would be entitled to working tax credit and family tax credits do you claim these?  You may also be entitled to help with your rent so deffinately a trip to the job centre to discuss housing benefit.  Don't let the job centre fob you off either make sure you get all the forms you need and are able to speak to someone.  This link might help you work out if you can get housing benefit. 

http://www.slough.gov.uk/services/10212.aspx

Posted: 03 April 2008 at 9:47pm | IP Logged

Susan, My children are now 8, 7, 6 and 4 years old.
I was still pretty much a child myself (17) when i had my 1st boy, and becoming a parent is hard at any age of your life, but you will get through and cope just fine!
Do you actually have any time for yourself, with all that visiting and paying respects to your husbands friends?
I was just wondering if you could maybe join a few mother and tots groups or coffee mornings, to mix with other mums in that area and to give yourself a break from things?

I agree with MumSam, that your housing needs to be a priority for your own privacy and space, so best of luck with it all.
x-x-x

Posted: 03 April 2008 at 10:38pm | IP Logged

On the legal side of the housing situation I'd be surprised if you would not be classed as "homless". Therfore entitled to priority housing, usually taking under 6 months although depends on local waiting lists.

If you can find the time to contact the housing section of your local council to arrange a meeting about 30mins or so, although from my personal experience we did have to wait all morning to be seen, its worth a try.

Also I'd get social services involved with a supporting letter for moving, even if you just want to show them the cramped conditions your living under. From personal experience I would contact your local MP as well. Just after my DD 1st birthday my DP & I were "homless" - living & sleeping in one room at my mum & dad's with all our belongings & sharing my mum & dads kitchen & bathroom facilities. We were rehoused by a housing association within a matter of weeks of contacting our MP.

 I would seriously advise you to get applications from all housing associations offering properties in your area. These generally have shorter waiting lists but do not have legal rights to rehouse homleless but frequently have their own "homless" policies - one housing association (not the one were with) just said if a letter was wrote by our landlords (ie my mum & dad) saying we were being evicted we'd automatically get maximum waiting list points for priority rehousing.

Posted: 04 April 2008 at 2:45pm | IP Logged

Sorry I havent replied sooner - My name is Maddy, I'm 23 and mum to Edward who is nearly 3. We live in Cambridgeshire.

I wish i could offer you some real support of advice - all I can say is this site if wonderful for support and everyone on here will help you all they can.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

As for legal advice - have you contacted the CAB? I'm sure they would be able to advice you on where you stand as far as benifits and housing are concerned.

I agree with Zany that you need to see your GP and explain the situation so  your GP can arrange for some councelling for you to help you though such a difficult time in your life.

Good luck - I look forward to getting to know you further!