Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 5851 Gender: Female
Posted: 29 April 2008 at 9:14pm | IP Logged
How do you prepare you child for a parent going into hospital?
Ella seems to be really bothered about me going into hospital to have the baby. I thought that talking to her about it would be better than just springing it on her and me disppearing, but at the moment she keeps saying things that suggest she's actually really worried about it. I also think this has a lot to do with her night time antics.
I'm having a c-section so will probably be in for 3 nights. We've arranged for her to go to my Mum's for 1 night, my sisters for 1 night and then home with DH for the last night so that she knows that the next day, she can come and collect me. She'll also be coming into the hospital to see me, although I don't know about day 1 as last time, I was really very ill and I don't want her to see me like that.
I've explained to her that I'll be going to hospital to have the baby and that she'll be able to come and see me and will be seeing Granny and her Auntie so will have lots of fun. I've told her it will only be for a few days and we've looked at books about Mummies going into hospital to have babies. When we talk about it, she seems OK but then later she'll get really upset.
Does anyone have any ideas about how to reassure her or any experience? Ta.
Joined: 17 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 3600 Gender: Female
Posted: 29 April 2008 at 10:02pm | IP Logged
hello lovely lady!
I would get her used to staying away for overnights now rather than making it such a big deal when it's time for you to go in. She's at the stage she'll bring up topics you talk about again and again, even when she's talking about something else- so it might not be as worrying as you think for her.
(edit) - also wee ones Ella's age have no real concept of time, they don't know what a few days means and don't understand things are going to happen a few weeks into the future so I wouldn't focus on the "you going away" bit at the moment, just talk about what fun it'll be to be a big sister. Sometimes at this age the best preparation is to leave the topic until a couple of sleeps before the event and being confidently dissmissive that everything is going to be fab and not even mention "don't be worried..."
Do you have the Dora big sister DVD? It's brilliant- Emilie loved it and would role play being Dora and going on an adventure to see her "mommy" and the new baby- (the mum actually has twins- boy and girl which was a bonus for us!) In fact she still sings the big sister song. BTW- The "mommy" looks fabulous for just delivering twins and the twins themselves are amazing for just being hours old- the wee girl even has a bow in her hair.
When you talk about going to the hospital make it light and fun sounding (which you'll be doing anyway)- and yes- I'd leave it a day or two before she comes to the hospital, that's what we did too.
Another good bribery-type thing is to pick out with Ella the special pressie the baby is going to bring her. Emilie "brought" Alex a wee Vtec laptop he had chosen and he was more excited about that than his new sister. Get the Argos catalogue out!
Joined: 29 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 2235 Gender: Female
Posted: 29 April 2008 at 10:09pm | IP Logged
this is a tough one and one im going to have to face pretty soon myself,at christmas time
have you thought about taking her to the hospital one time,maybe ring and ask the midwife if you could pay a visit,they usually encourage mothers to go have a look around themselves anyway so i cant see them having a prob if you take ella and show her around and show her its a nice place with friendly ladies that will be looking after you....she may feel more happy having a picture in her head of where you are as aposed to letting her imagination run riot???
sorry cant think of anything else....hope shes okay xxx
Joined: 11 September 2007 United Kingdom Posts: 2384 Gender: Female
Posted: 30 April 2008 at 8:30am | IP Logged
Awww hunny i know how this feels mine was 4 when his little brother came along so he understood it all quite well. We choose a teddy and played babies and nappy changes etc so he could help, he packed his bag when i packed mine and i pretended to get jealous as his clothes etc and what he was talking was so much more fun and exciting.
He was told that mummy goes into a hospital to have the baby and when mummy's had the baby she will call him to let him know i'm ok etc and nanny will be playing all his fav games (play do'h and messy bits) to decorate his room etc.
We also did the present thing.... he chose a cuddly toy for the baby and he chose a teddy from the baby (but we got it a personalised t-shirt saying i'm the big bro!) He had practice sleep overs and in the end nanny showed him the bits they where going to be doing and he didn't want to come home! lol
Good luck hun it's not easy..... but get the parent line so if she wasnts to talk (yes it's expensive to call in) but it'll make her happier.
Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 5851 Gender: Female
Posted: 30 April 2008 at 8:46am | IP Logged
Thanks all.
She has stayed over at my Mum's and my sisters before, so is quite excited about that. I think I will see if she can stay again before B-day though.
We've bought some bits for the baby with her, which she was excited about too, she's got him a teddy and a comfort blanket and can't wait to give them to him. She is very excited about the baby and likes to talk about him and say how she's going to help change him, bath him and feed him weetabix (!). We've not got the Dora DVD, she's not a big Dora fan but I think I might try and get it anyway to show her. Good call Lynie!
Sadly, Burton hospital where I'm going don't have patientline. The phone is in the hall by the midwife station, which was hilarious after I'd had Ella as I went to call my sis having sent her a morphine induced text the night before which scared the hell out of her, and I had to hobble over to the phone with my drip trolly and catheter bag all attached. Very glam...
I've got another few appointments at the hospital, so may well take Ella along so that she can see. My Mum is taking me (I'm struggling with driving at the mo) so she could entertain Ella whilst I see the consultant.
I'm going to take some colouring stuff into the hospital too so that she's got some bits to do when she comes to see me. I just hope I can get a room this time as I think that will make quite a difference to me and to Ella.
Joined: 27 February 2006 United Kingdom Posts: 2136 Gender: Female
Posted: 30 April 2008 at 8:48am | IP Logged
I was going to suggest the same as mamma2bronze, ask if the hospital would let you and your dd look around so she knows where you will be and that you are safe and she can come and visit everyday.
We also did a present everyday for ds, as i was being kept in for a week, that he got to open everyday on his visit.
Having your own room makes all the difference, you get to be on your own with just your family and friends and in private too.
Edited by mum2willNkimi on 30 April 2008 at 5:55pm
Joined: 27 October 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 1497 Gender: Female
Posted: 30 April 2008 at 3:13pm | IP Logged
I really hope you get a room to yourself as that made all the different to my recovery after Harry. As I was an elective c section I was booked into a room beforehand so I hope this is the case for you. A present waiting for her at the hospital from the baby is a good idea. I was 4 when my brother was born and I can still remember and still have the present that was waiting for me and that is 40 years ago ( it was a jemima doll from playschool for anyone that remembers it). Even Gregory who was 9 when Harry was born brought in one of his cuddly toys for him and we still gave Gregory a present from him. Kirstin was 13 and had just been on an expensive school trip so as she was older the pressie was forgotten.
Take her to the hospital etc if you can beforehand and don't worry, she will be having a great time being spoilt by her auntie and granny. Best of luck xxxx
Joined: 05 July 2006 United Kingdom Posts: 2184 Gender: Female
Posted: 30 April 2008 at 5:25pm | IP Logged
Hi Hazel, Even at a young age, im sure Ella assosiates hospitals with being poorly or sick and so is picturing those sort of images in her head which may be upsetting her when you mention having to go in. Taking her with you on a little visit should reasure her, that you will be absolutely fine, and return to her safe and well with a lovely little baby brother. Maybe start making plans now about what she wants to do when she stays over at Rachel's and your Mum's house, give her ideas or make lists of exciting things she can do, like making a card or a small present for you and your lo.. just to give her something to take her mind off you not being there with her.
I do agree that this could be contributing to her night time behaviour problems, so hopefully if she learns a bit more about whats going to happen, she should be more calmer about it all. x-x-x
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Topic: Preparing your child when they're worried
