Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 8739 Gender: Not Specified
Posted: 05 May 2008 at 9:15am | IP Logged
The boys' father has been living abroad since they were both born, enjoying a comfortable lifestyle with his new family in the Caribbean.
Me and the boys live here in the UK and have done for two years now.
It was hard for me at first, but having the full support of my family and friends I've just about managed. Sometimes I feel like a lousy mum, especially after a stressful day in the office, but the boys have always maintained stability and their unconditional love for me - I just wish I had more energy and time with them. But the bottom line is we've got ourselves into a routine, which seems to work well and we're settled and happy.
About two weeks ago the ex dropped a bombshell. He was looking at settling down in my town and wanted to know about the job market, schooling for his step-kids, the house renting market etc. To say I was dumbstruck is an understatement.
But I responded by being as civil as possible, but didn't sleep well that night for worrying. Then the next morning I get an email at work from him saying he had found a house to rent on the next street to me!!
Panic bells start ringing. This is the guy that dumped me and the kids in the UK so he could start a new life with his new partner and her kids. For years he has lived abroad with the bloomin huge Atlantic ocean between us and now he wants to live just 5 mins walk apart.
I was in a quandary, for I really wanted the children to have more access to their father and in time a stronger bond, but not at my expense.
The the ex-mil phones up (on Tom's b'day) and gently asks for my opinion on the situation. Well, I couldn't hold back, could I? She was in total agreement with concerns, and had been trying to dissuade them for living on our doorstep for which I was thankful for.
The next day I get an email from him apologising. They're now taking a house in Great Yarmouth - a 2 hour drive away - hurrah.
I know I'm lucky in that although split from the kiddie's dad he still wants access. I realise that not single mums have that luxury and I am grateful that he still wants to remain in his sons' lives. That was never the issue. The issue was the fact that he wanted to come over and live on our doorstep - something I just can't handle and don't want to. The other concern I have, knowing my ex-husband the way I do, is how long will it be before he gets bored and wants to jet off again? I guess I'll have to deal with that as it comes but it's something I dwell upon.
Joined: 24 April 2007 United Kingdom Posts: 1896 Gender: Female
Posted: 05 May 2008 at 10:22am | IP Logged
Thank goodness he's decided to put slightly more distance between you. The next street?! I would hate it if my ex decided to move beside us. When we were first seperated, I only lived 5 minutes away - and he came round every second day - even if it was just to speak to the girls. It was really difficult. Then we moved 3 hours away, which was much better. At least then it's near enough to visit, but not TOO handy.
Now we're 8 hours away, which is more difficult because it's too far to come for a weekend visit, and means as soon as we head back to visit family and friends, he expects us to hand the girls over to him. This means it eats into our limited time with my family, and drives me mad.
It must have been a shock to hear he's moving back to this country though. It's good that your ex-MIL agreed with you and understood. It was very thoughtless of him to even consider moving as close - thankfully he's come to his senses there. I hope his moving back causes you and the boys minimum upset - as you've said, your in a wee routine now and settled fine - just don't allow him to rock the boat for you...at all.
Joined: 11 September 2007 United Kingdom Posts: 2476 Gender: Female
Posted: 05 May 2008 at 10:30am | IP Logged
Awww hun i can understand why the panic set in, and i'm so glad he's been brought to his senses about living further away.
Question: do you have a contact order in place? (just wondering)
But definatly don't let him go changing your routine... if he loves your boys then he won't expect them to change their weekends and parties/clubs that they attend to go see him if he's after more contact.
Does make you wonder if he's going full circle.
Sorry good luck hun.... hopefully things will work out for the best.
Joined: 07 June 2006 United Kingdom Posts: 4057 Gender: Female
Posted: 05 May 2008 at 11:04am | IP Logged
Blooomin heck.....had small issues with him coming back to your town, but you already know that after we had a chat on the phone...but 5 mins away...does the guy have NO SENSE...no dont answer that one, we all know the answer to that one...bloomin plank.
Methinks your exmil had a bit of chat with him and has erm persuaded him to erm go somewhere else. 2hours away is better...it warrants a phonecall at least, instead of ding-dong hiya...which would drive me loopy.
Ben is kicking off about us being here, and why couldnt we have moved south...ooo let me think about that one...you live there lol.
Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 8739 Gender: Not Specified
Posted: 05 May 2008 at 7:26pm | IP Logged
Yep, Steph, ex-Mil told me via email she'd had a word in her son's ear, thankfully. In fact, she's been very supportive to me and will be visiting the boys and me in a couple of weeks. She'll be staying over at my mum's, but only because my home is in chaos at the moment.
That in itself is daunting as we've not seen each other for two years!! I'm quite nervous really.
The ex phoned this afternoon upon hearing about his son's trip to A & E and I've found out some other things that have been going on in his life. Let's say I've always been a believer in Karma and his input earlier has just enforced my belief. What comes around, goes around...or is it vice versa- lololol.
I still can't believe that he actually wanted our kids and her kids to go to the same school, and listen to this, he even had the nerve to ask advice on how I got my job for her!
Well, at least he had the common decency to apologise - I got the apology both verbal and in text - lololol
Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 8739 Gender: Not Specified
Posted: 07 May 2008 at 10:05am | IP Logged
It's more her.
Let's say she's got a v. shady past and some bad connections. I can't say more than that...it may all kick off and I don't want to get embroiled in their seedy affairs.
The less I say the better.
I spoke to him a couple of days ago and he's still insisting he's tired of living abroad, misses his sons too much and really is ready to settle down. In which case this could have a real impact on the boys and one I need to prepare the boys for.
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Topic: Ex is coming back to the UK
