Parenting Forum

Posted: 14 May 2008 at 8:23pm | IP Logged

hi all hope you are all well. i was not to sure where to put this post so i apologise if its in the wrong place.

Well i am very happily married with four lovely children. we had decided that 4 was definately enough but hubby did not want a vascectomy so i was put on the list to be sterilised. Well know hubby has decided he will have it done so i dont need to (yay) lol. Over the last couple of weeks he has been talking about babies again. How lovely it would be although i will have to look after another one lol. He has been bringing it up even more day by day. 2 nights ago he asked me if i would have another one if money was not an issue. I think i would and told him that. Thing is we cant afford anymore really and i dont know if i could cope either but i have kind of come around to the idea.

Am i being really silly? my mum will have a right go and prob some of my friends to lol. Im all confused. Do i like the idea and not actually the reality? sorry to go on , i just really needed to get it off my chest. x x x

Posted: 14 May 2008 at 9:06pm | IP Logged

Hun

If your not happy then speak up, your dh is probably just thinking though it all in grate detail as if there is a possibilty that either of you might want more kids and the other might consent and agree then it's not worth continuing on the path of sterilisation.

This next bit is probably out of order but it's the way i think. It's lovely to think of the pitter patter of little feet running round the house and how lovely it would be to hold and nurture a wee one, but the years you have to put into the growth and well being of a child along with cost has to be weighed up and only if you know it's truely what you both want then i personally wouldn't consider it as i would be too worried about personal guilt etc.

Sorry if that sounds wierd, hope i've phrased it so it makes sense.... but at the end of the day only you and your dh can come to a decision at the end of the day on whats best for you both and your family.

Good luck hun

Posted: 14 May 2008 at 10:12pm | IP Logged

You do have to think pratically at some point about how many children to have.  They don't come cheap even though they are free to make for most.  Things like school trips in the future could you afford to treat them all equally, i.e. if the first one has a school trip to France for example one year can you afford every year to send the others on the same trip.  Do you have the space in your car, in your house?  Would it affect your other childrens quality of life?  If the answer is you can afford to treat them all the same, you have a big enough car, a big enough house and you both want another baby and feel you can look after another baby then go for it.  If you are doubtful that you can afford to upgrade the car, buy a bigger house, treat all the children exactly the same then you probably need to think long and hard of the consequences.  Would you be wiling to compromise in some areas, cut back on holidays, etc.

At the end of the day the choice is yours.  My brother has 6 children and I think after the 3rd they stopped noticing that the family grew so much bigger as they all look after each other.  The older ones help with the younger ones, they aren't made to but they just do it's part of being a family.  I would have loved a huge family with loads of children.  It is hard work but brings its own rewards.

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 8:27am | IP Logged

Me and dh were having discussions about sterilisation etc near the end of last year - and it became apparant that I maybe hadn't finished adding to my family. I just felt that for either of us to have it done was too final. Funnily enough, I was actually pg, but didn't know it!! I love kids, and would always have wanted another, but felt that 3 was enough just space-wise in the car, house etc. Now that we have Adam on the way, which we are extremely happy about even though he was a wee surprise!, space isn't an issue. We've changed our car for an MPV, and he'll be in with us to start with, then share with Cameron when he's bigger.

I think what I'm trying to say is that you would adapt if another came along? I'd say it's definitely a decision that only you and your hubby can make - but if either of you are thinking that you may like another addition to the family, then I wouldn't be going ahead with any ops - until you're both sure you are making the right decision. Don't even think about what your friends and family would say - it's your decision, and yours alone.

xxx

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 2:39pm | IP Logged

I have the same problem, i have 4 gorgeous los and am happy but the thought of saying definatly no more makes my stomach go, my dh was going for the snip after the 4th but i cant let him go because its so final and i know if i know i cant have anymore then i will want another one even more, i cant let go. my baby is 3 and starts nursery in Sept and it will be the 1st time in 10 years that i wont have a lo at home, im finding really hard to come to terms with but i guess i have to at some point, all my friends think i will have another but i guess time will tell lol

Good luck with whatever You and Your dh decides xxx

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 7:28pm | IP Logged

Yup, another one here in the same frame of mind i think.
I have 4 children too, and would always love to have more, but the practicality of having more far out weighs the wanting feelings we both have!

For me also, having a vasectomy or being steralised sounds so final and no turning back from if circumstances change in the future.. so although i know i deffinately dont want any more children, im fully covered from falling pregnant, but the option is still there if we so choose!

Its a very hard decision you have to be more than 100% happy with, so if its what you both want, then go for it, but if either of you have any doubt what so ever.. then i wouldn't go for something so permenant.
Take care
x-x-x

Posted: 16 May 2008 at 6:35am | IP Logged

hi, i have 2 girls, after my youngest my dh couldn't wait to get a vasectomy, it was all really rushed. I had spd and was hopsitalised, couldn't look after my little girl or myself, he had to take time off work, he is self emplyed and could only work two days a week. I think we lost about 10,000 in that twelve months. I knew he was right and my body couldn't cope with another pregnancy, i am still sufferring with spd now and milly is three. That didn't stop me bawling my eyes out when i dropped him though, I felt like i was grieving.

wow that feels better already

much love

jackie

Posted: 16 May 2008 at 4:07pm | IP Logged

Thank you for your replys i think no more kiddies is the option

for their sake and mine

love to you all and thanks for sharing your experiences to it has been a great help

x x x  x