Parenting Forums

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 4:48pm | IP Logged

Hun firstly what happen's in your family is up to you.....everyone can say well i'd handle it differently etc but unless there are in the same situation it's very difficult to say.

I personally agree with what you are doing.... expecially after reading your last post where she was strangling you and not showing any signs of stopping that had me really worried and concered for you life! I'm amazed you've given her so many choices, options and chances that you can only hold out an olive branch.

I hope you, andy and the rest of your clan can now settle down and have a stable happy home.

Good luck hun, it's a hard path but stick to your guns. x

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 5:00pm | IP Logged

I agree, Hazy. I think you've put up with an awful lot over the last few years - and just because your her mum doesn't mean she has any more right to treat you that way than anyone else! It must be painful for you though, even if you know it's the right thing to do. I hope you are ok. I can totally understand why Andy doesn't want the wee ones to witness all that. I hope everything will settle down for you now.

xxx

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 5:22pm | IP Logged

Hazy im so sorry you had such an awful time especially regarding that terrible last post but i do however agree with you and to be completely honest if that was me my mum would have given me less chances than you have given your Bex ! I really hope she finds it difficult living without you being at her beck and call and i mean that in the nicesed (sp?) way but it might make her think about how she has treated you all and choose to be a politer respectful young lady in the future .

I really hope ive not offended you and hope you understand what im trying to say . xx

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 5:25pm | IP Logged

I'm not offended at anything. I'm so glad that you are all here for me and aren't judging me by her behaviour. I brought her up to know right from wrong and she wouldn't have said boo to a goose a few years ago.

I am really hoping she does find it hard out there by herself as well, might make her see just how much I did do for her.

Sophie is really happy as she will have her room all to herself now, well, as soon as we have got rid of all Bex things and furniture oh, and replaced the door which she has kicked to bits.

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 6:19pm | IP Logged

I am sorry you are going through this...it must be one of the hardest times in your life.

My sister was very similar to your daughter...an uncontrollable temper and very nasty and violent to my mother and father. She left home at 16 to live with her boyfriend...The relationship between my parents and her was frought, as she just took them for a ride every step of the way.

By the time she was 22 she had completly turned around. She now says as a 36 year old mother of 3, that by not being allowed to treat her parents the way she did was the best thing she learnt. As there was never any consequences while she was at home. When she was living away from my parents safety umbrella she learnt very quickly the way to treat and respect people.

So I think you had no other options with Bex...you showed her love and forgiveness...yet she still abused it

Look after you and your family.

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 6:32pm | IP Logged

Awww Hazy hun we would never judge you on your childs behavoiur hun... After all she is of age and it's not like any mum would stand there saying come on have a go at me and see if you can give me an early grave!

You are doing a fantastic job even though it doesn't feel like it, you've been compasionate, understanding, taken her back and given her second chances, put your trust in her to have her misuse it all over again.

Write her off as a bad egg which spolit with age and focus on your others.... keep doing what you are doing as it's nothing you've done.

Yes where here for you hun. X It's defiantly not an easy job being a mother. x

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 6:59pm | IP Logged

Hazy,
You know we will never judge you on whatever you decide.. but i hope you dont mind me saying this.. but no matter how bad she has treated you, you will always be her mother and have unconditional love for her as your daughter, so please just just keep in mind, that in time.. the door hopefully will still be open between the two of you to try to build on your relationship.

I have never got on with my Mum at all, and i was forced out of my family home at 16 years old through no fault of my own, without much contact with her at all.. but as we've both moved on with our seperate lives, we've come to see the things the we didn't see before!
I'm not condoning her behaviuor towards you at all, and i would have done exactly the same thing, but it would be such a shame to cut your losses completely, well i think so anyway.

As has been said.. giving her that push towards independance and the reality of this world, she may come to see the way she has been treating you all is wrong.
Big hugs hunny.
x-x-x