Birth and Labour Forum

Posted: 16 May 2008 at 11:07am | IP Logged

hi everyone,hope you are all well.

its not actually the homebirth i need advice with,its the problems leading up to it thats really stressing me out.im due to give birth in 3 weeks but the problem is i feel like everyone is making demands about what they want and not thinking of me.i have two girls(10,12.from a previous relationship)and they are both desperate to see their little sister being born.i had my son callum 20 months ago (homebirth)and they were sent to a family membr and they feel they missed out. my partner  is instistant that they are not going to be here when i go into labour.my mum is insisting they should be here to see it.to be honest i would like them here too!! only problem is either way someone is going to get upset and cause rows.

at the moment im tempted to just have a hospital birth(something i really dont want)to stop all rows.

any advice on how to deal with the situation without it leading to too much upset????

Posted: 16 May 2008 at 11:41am | IP Logged

Not long to go now then!

Is there a reason why your dp is so adamant that he doesn't want the girls there? I would love a home birth this time - couldn't have one with Cameron as it was too early - and if it happens I'd like my two girls to be there too. They will be 12 and 14. My dh isn't as keen to have them there either, but hasn't really given me a reason why yet - although to be honest he's not keen on me having a home birth anyway (he's worried incase there were any complications, although I've already had three quick, straight-forward births!)

I really feel that although obviously our partners' wishes should be taken into consideration, at the end of the day our birth plan should be exactly that - what WE would like to happen at the birth of the baby. Don't feel that you have to have a hospital birth if that's not what you want though - it's important your birth experience is as near to how you want it as possible!

As for advice on how to deal with this without too much upset...hmm...I don't really have anything useful there I'm afraid. Try and sit down with him and explain how important it is to you, and how important it is that you are relaxed about your birth plan. I'm going to have to do a similar thing with my dh I think, it's just that I have longer to sort things out than you do.

Very best of luck with the birth - I hope you can get this sorted out quickly, and look forward to holding your wee baby soon.

xxx

Posted: 16 May 2008 at 12:05pm | IP Logged

I think if you and your children want to be there at home when your in labour, then thats how it should be.
Like you said, your daughters missed out on your son being born.. so if they really want to be with you this time, then surely your partner wouldn't want to upset everybody else apart from himself now?

Its the womans rights to make her birth plan with who and what she wants envolved.
I'd do as Kim said, and ask him why he feels the children shouldn't be part of the experience, and also get your girls in on the discussion too, so he can see for himself their opinions.

I wouldn't go into hospital either, just to avoid arguements, because then it not what any of you would like!
Best of luck.
x-x-x

Posted: 16 May 2008 at 12:46pm | IP Logged

hi,i think its because he hasnt got a great relationship with them(more so my eldest daughter)and they are at an age where they have attitude.we had a big problem last week where i found out that my eldest daughter had been going on the net posing as a 16yr old in chat rooms and talking to 16+ boys!!!this caused me a great deal of upset and angered him to see me in such a state.so im guessing that he's worried that it will cause more problems with them being here.whereas i feel that they would be on their best behaviour on the day.they have already said that they have felt a bit pushed out since callum was born and taken up a lot of my attenton so i feel that if they were to see their sister being born it would make them feel more involved.

   anyway i really hope that you can have your home birth as it was the best experience ever for me.i had my girls in hospital and it wasnt a relaxed atmosphere with different midwives oming and going.i neede stitches with both girls and hated staying in hospital for a few days.whereas when i had callum,i knew my midwives, felt very relaxed in my own bed, didnt need pain relief and no stitches!!! good luck xxx

Posted: 16 May 2008 at 4:41pm | IP Logged

i only thing i would say is would they find the whole thing traumatic seeing there mum in a lot of pain. my husband hated seeing me in pain and maybe your partner feels they would not like it either. if you feel there are up to it maybe try and sit everyone down to talk about it. good luck with it all hope you sort it out as it is a stress you can really do with out

x x x x

Posted: 25 June 2008 at 2:30pm | IP Logged

i saw my mum give birth to my little sister, it wasnt a planned home birth, she just went into labour and had my little sister within 11 mins !!!

I was 16 at the time and i was traumitised by it, it put me off having kids of my own, i'm 33 now and i am pregnant with my first kid and believe me, it will be the first and last !!!

I am terrified of child birth x