Joined: 29 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 2422 Gender: Female
Posted: 16 May 2008 at 8:10pm | IP Logged
hiya girls,well as you know with the loss of my dad ive not been around much,my mum has been up from swindon to stay with us for the past 2weeks,she left this morning,i feel all alone now. me and andy are going throught a testing time to say the least,everything is happening at once,im pregnant,lost my dad and were buying a house together,and in all honesty i cant bear to be in the same room as him at the min,hes trying to "be there" and support me but is just making it all about him,keeps asking what hes done wrong and why i dont want to tak to him and why wont i go to him for comfort and why do i keep snapping at him....well maybe if he stopped asking and making it about him id want to go to him where as him being so pushy is just pushing me away,he doesnt understand im talking to other ppl because i have to not because i want to so by the time ive listened to everyone else going on the last thing i need is him moaning at me for being moody,what does he expect???? i just honestly dont know how to get through to him that this is not personal towards him i just want to be left alone...??he thinks i dont wana be with him and is feeling sorry for himself!! the loss has just hit me these past couple of days now i have sorted all i can and have nothing left to do....i feel like curling up in a ball,crying lots and not ever waking up,i dont feel strong enough to deal with this but i know it wouold be the most selfish thing i couold do to my brother and bronia to do anything stupid,thats all thats stopping me.
Joined: 24 April 2007 United Kingdom Posts: 1937 Gender: Female
Posted: 16 May 2008 at 8:50pm | IP Logged
What a difficult time for you,Lauren. It will jut be sinking in properly about your dad now, once everything starts to return to 'normal'. I can understand your feeling of wanting to be left alone - I'm the same when it comes to emotional things, and often my dh doesn't understand, as he feels helpless and wants to comfort me. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things - and he will just have to understand that you need a wee bit of space to come to terms with your loss. That may take a long time - and you've got your pregnancy hormones etc racing about too - I really feel for you.
We are all here to listen whenever you need to chat. Stay strong. I'm thinking about you.
Joined: 11 September 2007 United Kingdom Posts: 3057 Gender: Female
Posted: 16 May 2008 at 10:01pm | IP Logged
hun firstly hugs, it takes time and everyone grieves in their own way. Perhaps write him a letter explaining to him how you feel and what support you feel you need and the most important thing is to have him around incase you just need a hug.
It's hard to know how to support each other in times like this and i can only think he's feeling left out and usless for not being there for you and everyone's coming to you.... kinda like a choc tea pot, so he's trying to hard.
Hugs hun take time out and take it steady and slowly, and you know where here for you hun x
Joined: 29 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 2422 Gender: Female
Posted: 17 May 2008 at 9:49am | IP Logged
thanks girls,i do need andy n love him v much but as youv all said,rite now i just need him there for me to go to for a hug,not to be smothering me with affection etc....im sure itl be okay,so long as i dont throttle him....xxxx
Joined: 11 September 2007 United Kingdom Posts: 3057 Gender: Female
Posted: 17 May 2008 at 9:54am | IP Logged
lol you wouldn't do that hun..... you might start but then you'd think of something like bart and homer and end up laughing so hard that you'd not succed!
Glad your feeling a little better hun... i write things down all the time and my dp who has trouble communiating as it was something that wasn't done in his family tends to write me letters to let me know how he's feeling when he's feeling pants etc.
Joined: 05 July 2006 United Kingdom Posts: 2389 Gender: Female
Posted: 17 May 2008 at 11:57am | IP Logged
Hey Lauren,
I understand the different stages of grief, and how people react to you in different ways.. so just wanted to lend you a hand or a shoulder if you need one. Big hugs hunny. x-x-x
Joined: 11 January 2008 United Kingdom Posts: 586 Gender: Female
Posted: 17 May 2008 at 11:57am | IP Logged
Not really sure what to say hun as I cannot imagine how you must be feeling right now but just want you to know im thinking of you and sending hugs your way xx
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Topic: dont know what to do with myself
What a difficult time for you,Lauren. It will jut be sinking in properly about your dad now, once everything starts to return to 'normal'. I can understand your feeling of wanting to be left alone - I'm the same when it comes to emotional things, and often my dh doesn't understand, as he feels helpless and wants to comfort me. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things - and he will just have to understand that you need a wee bit of space to come to terms with your loss. That may take a long time - and you've got your pregnancy hormones etc racing about too - I really feel for you.
