Pregnancy Forums

Posted: 31 May 2008 at 9:04am | IP Logged

Hi all

I just feel so low right now and I want to get my feelings out before they consume me….

Today is the first time my chap has had a go at me about the spd and how it affects me. It’s all my fault everything’s going wrong and I’m trying to ignore it but I can’t help it.

I hardly slept last night and I know it’s not his fault but I don’t like being like this the restraints it places, I know he ends up doing a lot by himself but I can’t help it I do all I can but it’s not good enough.

This morning he had ordered concrete (ready mixed the night before) to be delivered at 8…. Well they came 30 mins early and then it started he was I have to do it all….. I couldn’t move easily so it’s my fault it’s not level and there’s too much in the middle.  I did my best but I hate the way he made me feel.  I have never felt so low or made to feel like such crap since I was with my ex and that was a different type of hurt.

It was years of resentment coming back out at me and all I could do was stand there and take it trying not to cry as I didn’t want him to know how much he was hurting me…..

Sorry all I know he just needed to vent but boy does he pick his moments.

I feel a tad bit better now I’ve got this out in the open.  Thanks for listening x

Posted: 31 May 2008 at 10:01am | IP Logged

Hug hug hug hug, aww hunny, I know exactly how you feel, cos dh does exactly the same to me!  He thinks Im lazy and I feel I have to justify everything!

You know where I am if you need me hunny, its not easy and I can fully relate to this xxxxxx  Keep your chin up hunny, most people who dont have the pain just dont understand, it hurts 100% more when its your nearest and dearest.

Stay strong xxxxx Im here if you need me xxxxx

Posted: 31 May 2008 at 10:20am | IP Logged

Thanks nikki, he has apologised and said i just forget that you can't do that much...

My reply:- your entitled to be angry at the disablity, cause i sure am, but try not to make me feel like a spare part or a useless one at that.

I'm pleased to say that the concrete base for the oil tank's new postion is now done! (this is being moved due to when we got the house they had just dragged it 3mtrs away from the house in the middle of an old concrete path which was going to be a patio of sorts!)

Posted: 01 June 2008 at 10:03am | IP Logged

tsena, sending gentle, loving, self esteem boosting, protective hugs. poor you, and thank you for sharing. i hope we can at least return the shoulder to cry on that you offer us.

it might not be helpful but you are not alone. that might not give you comfort.

the words from those you love are always the ones that cut the deepest. apologies after sometimes help but i do know that it doesn't take away the sting. it's bad enough to suffer at the hands of the medical world and work.

i wished i could make it better hun, but all i can say is i understand and whenever you need me call/text. you know that you have my number.

as funchick said....and i have the same problem, my dh thinks i am lazy, blurts it out in a row or snipe or text so i am left feeling constantly needing to justify myself. his latest thing is that i have had to make a deal not to offer rationales or justify anything! i have asked him to be upfront and honest with me instead of harbouring his thoughts then subjecting me to themin a not very nice way. sadly, despite this i get brought up on every time i start to justify myself and yet he's made me feel even worse. he's turned in to a i want my dinner by this time, get the kids fed, why do i have to go to the ironing, your looking grumpy onslaught. he's working alot and so i have been trying my best. as i am medicated and not at work. i try not to leave him things to do but i had to the other day, which one of them he always does, and yet i was reprimanded for leaving instructions! i get told stop trying to make me rest if i say i am fine then i am, then when i let him get on or ask him to do stuff like he wants me to do, i am had a go out and work is pointed out. now he has told me that he can't talk to me because i get upset. i can ignore when you are crying in pain but sort myself out!

i hope things are better now, tsena. remember you are not alone! 

Posted: 01 June 2008 at 10:27am | IP Logged

Awww thanks hunny. it's definatly not easy is it....just because we have this thing that no one can see or understand doesn't make it any eaiser but ton's harder.

I know i feel like 'cause i'm home all day trying to potter and do things because i can't get comfy or adequate pain relief it's hard to keep going and like you say it's hard enough fighting the tears trying to be normal and do everyday things, and it's not always a case of cause you want to do something but cause it needs to be done. Which if we can't complete we feel pants anyway without it being pointed out.

It kind feels like to me or i end up getting in the mind set that he's working all hours to feed, house us etc and i'm home all day a sahm and a housewife, but where does the disability come in where is there room to get things going easier and slower, when they try with the best intentions at heart to help you often (well i do) end up feeling useless and inadequate, which is hard to take in itself....

everyone who has ever had kids knows how demanding they can be and that partners can be worse than the kids but there just seems to be no let up just a ever going battle and cycle.....

I know i'm not alone and yes it still hurts but life goes on....... after all what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger somehow!

Hugs to everyone out there with spd or any form of disability x

Posted: 02 June 2008 at 8:25am | IP Logged

OMG my hubby does exactly the same chappiesgirl!!  Definately not alone Tsena hunny, understanding is very rare, but at least we can put the world to rights all of us together hunny xxxxxxxxx