Health Forums

Posted: 30 September 2005 at 11:47am | IP Logged

Hello girls,

Well, I dont want to raggle on in all your ears, but if I dont tell anyone, then Im going to lose the plot completely.

I dont know if Im on the verge of or if I have undiagnosed pnd/depression/manic depression or something else.

As many of you know my dh is a therapist himself, but to me that makes no difference whatsoever, bit like being married to a builder and never having your house finished if you get my drift.

Basically not boring you all with the gorey details but over the years we have had some terrible luck and knock on effects of which that have lasted years.

From the moment we met things were very very hard indeed, then our ds was born, and I didnt cope very well at all, him being a hard baby, always screaming and always ill, then he was diagnosed with kidney stones and we went thru hell seeing him suffer.  Then he got better (touch wood to this day)

We then had dd1 and she nearly died from undiagnosed coeliac disease.  Shes fine now. But some of the effects still haunt me to this day.

Now at last we have come thru it, we at last managed to buy our dream home recently, and now recently have got another newer car, making a lovely change to the ones weve had to put up with up to now.

So why I am not Happy??? Ive 5 beautiful healthy children, a beautiful home, nice car (not that that is the be all and end all , a car) and a dh who says he worships the ground I walk on......

We have had a serious fall out, not shouting matches or anything, but just the not speaking type of row.  He came home last night, I cooked his dinner, which he left, then we sat in front of the telly with not so much as two words to each other.

I know he is peeved off with me because Im not interested in anything other than SLEEP at the end of the day.  I dont feel attractive, I feel like a bad mess, I have to kick myself out of bed at the beginning of the day, and I just cant be bothered

Ive made a few lovely friends round here where I live, everyone is so friendly, they want me to go out and about with the girls but I just make excuses. Anybody knocks at my door Im hiding, I dont answer it, I dont want to know.

Its been like this more often than not these last few months, well, since we moved I suppose.  Things jog along quietly then it all kicks off again, and dh and I dont speak and god can that man blank somebody for England.  I feel like the hired help here, to look after the house and his children, and clear up his mess.

I wonder if I had undiagnosed pnd from when I had my son, and Ive just gone along and not acknowleged it.

About a year ago I went for councelling thru my docs, but I couldnt open upto her, she always said I was good at putting on a front, so as you can imagine I didnt get on with her.

What should I do?  I feel really down and fed up, but I cant cry

Sorry its long girls, but I needed to get this off my chest, as I couldnt tell anyone,nobody knows in my family upto now, so I feel very very alone

HELP

lUV LILYBXX

Posted: 30 September 2005 at 11:55am | IP Logged

Hun

Sounds like it,  i feel like that most of the time thats why i went to the docs.  I really would suggest going to the doctors and just be honest about how u are feeling.  It really does help just getting it off your chest.  Its a big big step to admit something is wrong and you are so brave for doing so. xxx

Plz go and see the doc hun and have u told your dh how u are really feeling.  I never told mine but broke down on monday and told him.  John was great and really supportive. 

I hope u get the support and help that u need hun

If u wanna chat just pm me hun i know how u feel xxxx

Posted: 30 September 2005 at 11:58am | IP Logged

aww im sorry 2 hear u feel like this & the fact uv bottled it up for so long u poor thing

Im no expert in any type of depression but i think u really do need 2 speak 2 some1 u feel comfortable with - a female doctor or hv that might b able 2 help u find some help

I sometimes feel the way u do not wanting 2 go out or meet new people, iv even shut myself off from my old friends cause i feel they wouldnt understand - really hope this is the start of recovery for u or a least a little bit of relief that uv got things off ur chest

As for ur dh i think its just a man thing but hopefully if u get some help with ur problems ur relationship with ur dh will start 2 improve

Posted: 30 September 2005 at 12:11pm | IP Logged

OH LILY!

COULD YOU GO TO YOUR DOCTOR AND SEE WHAT HE SAYS-BUT YOULL HAVE TO TELL HIM ALL OF IT OR EVEN PRINT THIS PAGE OFF AND LET HIM READ IT

IF HE SUGGESTS RUBBISH COUNCILLOR THEN ASK FOR ANOTHER THERE HAS TO BE MORE THAN 1!

BIG HUGS WINGING THEIR WAY TO YOU

PM IF U WISH 

Posted: 30 September 2005 at 12:12pm | IP Logged

Lily you inner feeling are telling you something. I would go to the doctors I also find it very hard to open up to people. i dont like people to judge me, they dont even know me!! you could imagen the person ie Dr is a really old friend and just expalin eveything how you feel, your ups and downs. It will help you in the long run I cant even tell dh how I feel some of the time I just can't express my self well enought and tyhen try to push it under tha carpet..I have been diagnosed with PND and have had suicidal feelings in the past so they watch me now.. I wouldnt no anything to hurt lo or myself Its just flashes in front of you. i'm sending you a hug Hun XX  But at the end off the day if you dont sort out your problem it wont go away it will just sit there bugging you and will make live even worse, so take the bull buy the horns and see you Quack. Good Luck LILYB

HelenC

Posted: 30 September 2005 at 12:16pm | IP Logged

Thats good idea Jopsy if you dont have to tell some one its written down Its so much easyer then they can ask you questions..

HelenC

Posted: 30 September 2005 at 12:56pm | IP Logged

LILY WE ARE HERE IF U NEED US!

THINK I CAN SPK FOR US ALL X

Posted: 30 September 2005 at 1:06pm | IP Logged

Lily just by having written this you know you need to do something.  It is no wonder you feel like hiding and want to sleep all the time you have had a lot to cope with and still have with 5 children.  Moving house is a big stress in it's self and on top of that you had a new baby.  Your children have been ill at different times too.  How you are feeling now is probably a back lash from everything you have come threw and now you are in a slightly quieter period of your life it's all catching up with you.  Whether you have pnd or just good old normal depression doesn't really matter what matters is that now you recognise it you do something about it.  Like everyone else has said I think you need a trip to the doctors and explore that avenue see what they can offer you.

Keep talking, either to a friend or pm me or on here, don't bottle up how you are feeling.  As for dh let him stew for a while on his own and concentrate on yourself.  Men can sulk for England and I would just let him get on with it he will sort himself out in the end.  With him being a therapist probably makes it worse.

If you get no joy from the dr you could try speaking to your hv if you get on with her.  Or try some alternative medicine I am sure you can find out about them easily...

I hope you feel better soon and don't worry you will get better and this will all pass in time I promise. 

Posted: 30 September 2005 at 1:18pm | IP Logged

AWW GIRLS THANK U SO MUCH

You are all such a great support.

I feel better already, but I do know I must do something otherwise it will keep rearing its ugly head every now and then

Its our 13 th wedding anniversary on Monday, not good timing for a row I feel.

thanks for being here for me you are all such good friendsx

lots of love

sharonxxxx

Posted: 30 September 2005 at 1:20pm | IP Logged

ps Im not living up to my signature either oopss