Parenting Forums

Posted: 09 July 2008 at 4:22pm | IP Logged

     Hi Just after some advice as I am sure dd is planning to go away this weekend without telling us with her internet boyfriend. Some of you may remember the incident at Easter when she told us he was coming to stay without asking us the night before he was coming. She has been dropping hints all week like saying I am going to run away and its the look in her eyes as she says it. She has also brought loads of new clothes from the internet. I keep saying oh how long are you going for etc giving her opportunities to tell me but apart from asking straight out what she is up to, don't know what to do.

    To be honest, if I was given the chance to meet him, get to know him etc I would probably let her go away if I knew where she was etc. Perhaps I am just imagining all this but something isn't right. Oh and she brought him a pair of £30 shoes from internet this week. She is always texting, on msn or the phone etc. I even stood outside her bedroom door last night trying to overheard her conversation and that makes me feel bad. I just wish she could find a local bf and not someone 300 miles away she has picked up on bebo. Perhaps if they meet they will hate eachother.

  Just needed to get this off my chest. Haven't said anthing to dh yet as I know he will go mad and she would leave. Maybe she is up to nothing but she is acting really strangley.

Posted: 09 July 2008 at 7:52pm | IP Logged

  I knew it. She has just told me she has been invited down to a friends house for the week on Sunday. His dad is going to drive all the way here to pick her up. No mention of boys name etc. However she did tell me she met him on a school trip to Alton Towers a couple of years ago. I kept my cool and listened but she wasn't going to tell me much. Told her she needs to speak to her dad. I have spoken to dh and he says no way is she going if she is going to be this secretive and can't discuss this with us properly. I am so tempted to let her go just to get it out of her system but I don't think there will be anyway I can persuade dh to let her go. She is still to speak to dh. She is already in a foul mood which of course will now only get worse. I have told her she needs to be more open about this relationship and then we might take it a bit more seriously if she can show she can be treated like an adult.

   I am really beginning to feel out of my depth. I don't want her resenting us because we wouldn't let her go away and doing something silly but I know she needs to realise that to be treated like an adult who can take decisions she needs to start acting like one.

Posted: 10 July 2008 at 9:54am | IP Logged

I was going to say the same as Sam pretty much, I moved out at 16 but my Mum just wasn't interested anyway, where as you obviously are concerned for your daughters safety and well being.. so if it were me, I would be as honested and open about everything and hope she would be the same.
When it comes to your dh, thats a different matter, but if she feels like she is being spoken to like an adult by you at least, maybe she would open up a little more and show you the respect you desrve as her mother.

It is an extremely hard call, as we all know from being teenagers ourselves, they do tend to do the complete opposite as there told.. but personally i would show a little trust in her and maybe you will recieve a little back in return!!!
Wishing you lots of luck with it.
x-x-x 

Posted: 10 July 2008 at 10:06am | IP Logged

I don't envy you this one. I remember your post from before.  It's so difficult - saying an outright no to a teenager sometimes makes them even more determined to go ahead and do what they want. I agree with the other ladies - and I would ask my Becca outright if I had suspicions that she was planning something. Obviously at 14 next month, she's younger than your dd - but I still think at 16 it's very young to be heading off to spend time with someone you don't know.

If I was in your position, I'd definitely do what Sam suggested, and ring and speak to the parents - and I'd be wanting to meet with them before I even considered letting her go.

Very hard to know the best way to deal with it though - I really do wish you luck, and hope you can sort something out so that you feel reasonably comfortable if it turns out she does go and stay with them. Surely the parents will understand that you need to speak to them beforehand. If I was them, I'd want to talk to you and your dh too.

xxx