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Posted: 23 July 2008 at 8:18pm | IP Logged

Hi all

I’m after some advice and guidance to make sure I’m not over reacting.

My ex who remarried less than a year ago has split from his wife… they used to have Kieran (when they could) every other weekend over night. Now they have split I am worried about contact. I know she has no rights legally as his step mum…. But his dad is the one who worries me…. I have a contact order saying I have to make him legally available etc as he contested custody which I am greatful I won.

He is planning on moving into a shared house with his workmates in Sleaford, now this worries me for contact….

 1) I don’t know these people

2) will he be able to give Kieran his own space and bed to sleep in (this was an issue when he was with his wife so I’m not too sure) it just turns my tummy.

I’m unhappy with Kieran sleeping at his Nan’s so that daddy can see him at some stage as she has Parkinson’s and I don’t want to make a big issue but the whole idea is for him to see and care for his son not someone else.

Now this hasn’t been discussed yet as he’s boxing up his belongings this weekend etc. I just am unsure of what to do and what I should be considering agreeing too. I don’t want to cut off all contact but at the same time I’m worrying myself stupid or so it feels.

Anyone have any ideas or views on this I would be grateful to hear them as I don’t want to over react etc.

Posted: 23 July 2008 at 11:27pm | IP Logged

I don't know where you'd stand legally, but TBH if I was in your position I think I'd be suggesting that he just takes Kieran for the day/s and lets him stay at home overnight until he gets himself sorted properly. I don't think you're over reacting at all to the idea of him taking him to a houseful of people that even your Ex may not know the full background of. Legally (if that is a problem with the current legal standings) I would have thought because of your Ex's change in circumstances, you would be well within your rights to ask for his new circumstances to be taken into consideration with regard to how it affects him having access to Kieran.

Sorry I can't be any real help. Good Luck Hun xxx

Posted: 24 July 2008 at 11:01am | IP Logged

Thanks hun for replying it makes sense and it's nice to know i'm not being hasty in saying stop and take a step back.

I have managed to find a free childrens legal helpline... whom where fantastic they've told me where i stand, all my options legally and the costs that would be involved and alternative ways to deal with it so that i'm not in a huge breach of the order.... and how to go about getting it changed slightly. Also areas that would cause the courts cause for concern.... i feel ready for a battle now. lol

So first step i'm going to take is wait for him to settle into whatever home/housing he goes for then i will broach the subject, either way i have to wait till he's told kieran as he wants to do this.... i hate lying to my own son but i suppose needs must.

Then i will tackle the issue of contact again.

Thanks for listening ladies.

Posted: 24 July 2008 at 7:46pm | IP Logged

Thanks sam i'm not sure if there is an age where they can't share a room but acording to the legal helpline i called today as long as kieran has his own space/bed as it's for 1 night the court won't see it as strange or not suitable... but i will definatly do some hunting.... have sent an email to parent line to see what they say.... will let you all know the answer.

He has just texted me and cancelled his contact for this saturday as he's packing up his stuff etc. so i hope to be able to chat to him in the next two weeks, at least it gives me time to compose a polite letter.

Posted: 25 July 2008 at 10:12am | IP Logged

This is a very difficult situation.

I think its important Gary speaks to Kieran soon and explains it to him. It isnt fair on you to be made to lie or keep things from your son. He also needs to make sure he explains things properly to Kieran as with his ADHD/DAMP if he doesnt explain properly I'm concerned Kieran will get confused or even blame himself.

Your a fantastic mum and I'm sure you'll do the right thing by your wonderful son.

Call me if you need to talk it through babe.