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Posted: 08 August 2008 at 8:53pm | IP Logged

Didnt know quite where to put this so hope in here is ok!!

Im actually pee'd off! Im the first of my non mummy group of friends to have a child! when pregnant everyone was excited and was interested in the baby!

now a year on from my daughters birth,im the forgotten soul. Havent seen any of my non mummy friends in weeks....some months! i wouldnt mind if i hadnt made any effort but i have, ive texted sent mesages on facebook etc. Sometimes i get a reply most of the time not.

Most of them have celebrated a 21st birthday this year and ive been out with them and brought a presant every time. My daughters birthday was last month and 3 of my so called mates didnt even bother texting me to wish her a happy birthday. My birthdays in less then two weeks and no seems bothered about it, no one has any money to do anything untill end of the month,at which point my mum is going on holiday who is the only person i let look after kaitlyn.

i know when they all have kids it'll change but non of them are planning any kids anytime soon. at which point ill prob be able to go out abit more and i can be abit relaced with kaitlyns routine! but for the moment me and my partner dont get invited out any more unless its a birthday!

i have lots of mummy friends i see during the day but there in the same position as me when it comes to going out on an evening.

im sorry for the eassy just wanted a good moan as i found out earlier,their all off out tonight and yet again i havent been included!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

x

Posted: 08 August 2008 at 8:59pm | IP Logged

Awww hunny i'm sorry to hear your being excluded to such an extent, have you been able to pin any of them down and speak to them? If not have you tried to write them a letter or send them an email that they can read when they find time.

I know it's hard but you need to try and talk to them and not bottle this up. You meantioned you and your dp don't get invited out could he not look after kaitlyn and you for him so you each get to go out? Or with your mummy friends organise something similar, get together and go out after lo's are in bed?

Hope things improve for you hun. Being a mum is a thankless task but the smiles on the kids faces make it all worth while

Posted: 08 August 2008 at 9:22pm | IP Logged

dp gets to go out once a week to poker. This is his hobby and treat for working hard all week and providing for me and kaitlyn.

Me on the other hand dont have much of night life...during the day as i said im fine! would like to go out more but i work weekends so i havent the energy after a week of looking after kaitlyn then working all weekend looking after kaitlyn. (im not moaning about looking after kaitlyn,i love it!)

i want to chat to them but i know they wont understand or think im being childish moaning im not bein invited out....one friend said to me "i never no when your free"

......i was abit like text me and ask...i dont do alot (well....work,look after kaitlyn,housework,run a baby group etc etc lol)!!

i know being a mum is a wonderful thing and one ill never regret. kaitlyn always has a smile on her face and it makes all the hard work so rewarding,i couldnt ask for anything more from her.....well drink milk out a sippy cup but thats it!

Posted: 08 August 2008 at 9:33pm | IP Logged

Aww hunny your not moaning alot of us on here would probably like to get out more...

Try chatting to them they might be a little more understanding than you think.... invite them over for a girls night in when dp's at poker, a bottle of wine, takeaway etc and a chic flick.

As for birthdays this year was the only year mine was remembered and that was by the mum's on here and a few good friends. My dp forgot till the last min and my parents did too. So i know how you feel about that babes but to me as long as they don't forget my kids i'll let them off.

Sounds like you have a hectic life but i'm sure you'll get to catch up with them soon hunny.

Hugs

Posted: 09 August 2008 at 8:54am | IP Logged

I had my first ds when i was 18 and then my second when I was 21.  I had a very close knit of friends who I had known since primary school.  When I had ds1 we still saw each other and went out occasionally, but I found that I had changed just as much as they had.  We didn't have the same things to talk about and our priorities were all different.

The length of time from seeing them grew and grew until I had ds2 then I never saw them and I was fine with that. I would get the odd random text but that was that.  I decided I had to make new friend who had the same things in common as who I am now.  I was upset and I would get upset but I just couldn't do the things they wanted and I didn't want to be going out every weekend carefree because I wasn't.

I did make new friends through a local tots group and now I have a lovely circle of friends.

We go out at Christmas for our 'mum's do' as most are childminders so dont have a work function to go on, we also have nights out for birthdays etc.. and then randomly we all take it in turns to go over to each others houses to have drinks and a takeaway. 

I found that a lot of my close friends now found it hard to stay close to non mum friends as priorities change.

Can you not organise a girl's night at yours and invite them all when your dp is out for the night and Kaitlyn is in bed?

Posted: 09 August 2008 at 6:43pm | IP Logged

Awwww sorry to hear that your friends are treating you like that. I was in a similar situation to you a while ago. There are a group of us that went to High School together that are still friends. Basically I have two kids, my Best friend has a girl the same age as my eldest Daughter and another has a boy the same age as my youngest. There are also two that don't have any kids. Last year (when my friend and I were pregnant with the two youngest) I ended up feeling really hurt. They all kept going out/meeting up without me. What they'd do is just organise stuff at really short notice, even though they knew I couldn't always come because I didn't have time to organise childcare (my family and DH all work so can't always babysit, where as my Best Friends parents are retired so can have her Daughter at a moments notice) I'd casually broached the subject that I felt a little left out to my Best Friend, but then it just got worse. They started actually making a point of hiding the fact they were going somewhere together from me, cos they didn't want it to 'cause a fuss'. Unfortunately my Best Friend let it slip that they's been to dinner on one occasion, so this time I really chucked one. I told them (well I told my Besy Friend and then she rang everyone else to tell them how upset I was) that I wasn't expecting them to not do stuff when I couldn't come, but that I felt completely rejected when they seemed to intentionally leave me out. I also said that I didn't see why (on occasion) they couldn't organise stuff a little further in advance so that I could come.

I reckon being upfront about how they are making you feel would probably be the best idea personally. Also, try being the leader in organising group stuff yourself. Sometimes being pushy is the only way to get your problem solved! Hope they start being a bit more thoughtful soon hun.