Parenting Forums

Posted: 11 August 2008 at 7:59pm | IP Logged

   Well not sure where to start but just needed to get this off my chest. Dd is 16 and has just finished her 5th year at school ( in Scotland) and just completed her highers. She got 3 As and 2 Bs. She decided she wasn't going to apply for uni this year but next year after she had completed her advanced highers at school. She would also be nearly 18 then. She is due to go back to school on Thurs.

   During this summer break she has turned into the most disrespectful, rude child that I have known and I have been the victim of her verbal abuse  ( I am a waste of space etc according to her). She always starts as soon as dh goes out. She has decided she wants to leave school. We are forcing her to stay and do something she doesn't want to do etc. We are not, both dh and I hav e explained to her that she can leave but she must find a job first. No way is she leaving and spending the next year laying in her pigsty of a bedroom. She says she can't find a job because she hates going on buses so won't be able to get to work, so basically have told her hard luck, if she wants to leave and work she will need to go on a bus. She goes on a bus daily to school so its just an excuse.

 All weekend all we have heard is I'm leaving, I can't stand you all and I am not going to school. In fact it has got to a point where I feel like saying pack your bags and off you go. She is causing so much friction in the house.

  Tomorrow she is due to go into school to clarify her timetable and she has decided to change all the subjects she is doing. Last week she was going to be an engineer, over the weekend a speech therapist and today she wants to do a degree in marketing. Anyway according to her as soon as she has filled her uni form in she will be leaving anyway.

  I am just at such a loss what to do with her. She won't sit down and talk to us in a civil manner. I know she doesn't have any idea what she wants to do and not sure whether this is the root of the problem. Also I have a feeling that internet boyfriend( yes unfortunately he is still around is egging her on as suddenly today she is going to a uni near his house)

  I am sorry this is so long and thank you for reading if you have got this far. I am really hoping that once she gets back to school and sees all her friends she will settle down again but who knows. This parenting thing sure doesn't get any easier as they get older.

Posted: 11 August 2008 at 8:12pm | IP Logged

aww hun firstly your not to blame on this - you havent done anythin wrong all teenagers can be some sort of problem i think its just the dreaded age!!! I dont envy you at all, im already worried about my 2 hitting the teens!!! as i know just from thinking back to what i was like myself (not that i was that bad but i thought i knew best, wasnt untill i grew up i realised i didnt) it must be so hard for parents as at the end of the day we just want whats best for our children they just dont see it that way, i dont have any advice sorry but im wishing you loads of luck that when she does see her friends she will settle back down to her usual self - takecare luv jue xx

Posted: 12 August 2008 at 10:30am | IP Logged

I know what you mean about it doesn't get any easier as they get older.  We had similar with my eldest.  Her father decided she had to stay at school to do her A Levels I personally think she would have been much better off at college, the bit od independance that college would have given her would have done her good as that is what she was craving.  Instead he insisted she stay on at school she did her first year of A levels and dropped out with the same proviso as you made she had to get a job.  She worked for an insurance company for a while and then left there to work for PC world, she has now transfered to Currys.  She seems to enjoy it although it's not the career path I would have chosen for her.  She has just applied to the police as well so hopefully she will get a responce from them.

Teenage girls are a nightmare ( I remember I was one)  They know it all and don't need any help.  I think you are doing the right thing, it's either school/colleg or work after all we all have to pay our way at some point if she wants a half decent life.

Posted: 12 August 2008 at 12:14pm | IP Logged

I think that most teenagers go through this stage, my sd is doing what she wants and we back what ever that is, at the moment she is wanting to join the police force and there is a course especially for this, new this year, but you have to be 18 and so she is doing another year at school, in the 6th form and then we will she what happens, she has a part time job and is saving too. Things are not always going to be this way, give her time and she will see that she needs your support and guidence through her life.

Posted: 12 August 2008 at 2:03pm | IP Logged

  Thanks everyone. She hasn't been too bad today. She has been into school and signed up for her courses for this year. She has changed them from her original choice. Only mentioned leaving school once today but now she thinks she is going to leave and move to England to live with her grandparents ages 76 and 80. She says she can look after them. I still said how are you going to afford to live . I think she thought nana and grandad were going to keep her on their pension.

   Teenage girls urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Posted: 12 August 2008 at 3:57pm | IP Logged

I'm sat here with a grin on my face.  I remember me as a teenager! lol Ds1 on the other hand went to college, and is mr attitude and ignorance rolled into one.  The difference is he will bike to the next village if he ha to, there is no way he will stay here forever (his words not mine).  He wn't look for any extra part time work as why should he (again his words) hoever, after having a small chat, I think he will be willing to work as a cleaner when he figured out just how much he could earn in his off hours and obviously work towards his own little car and driving lessons.  Good luck with her is all I can say