Parenting Forums

Posted: 02 October 2008 at 11:27pm | IP Logged

For the last god knows how long Zak wont sleep in his cot, he wakes up several times a night screaming his heart out, when I try and put him in his cot.  I know I have made a big mistake with him as I get him to sleep in my arms then put him on a duvet on the living room floor until I go up to bed. If I try and get him into his cot, he wakes up immediatly and wont go back to sleep for hours. I am surviving on 4 hours a night. I have tried to sleep downstairs on the sofa but he still wakes up and will only go back to sleep if I hold him, again if I try and put him down he wakes up. I have had to sleep with him in my bed.

I am going to try controlled crying during half term, so the girls can sleep during the day if he wakes them up. But Im not sure how to go about it. 1 Mum at the school said dont go back to him just let him scream and cry until he drops off. He gets to the point that he shakes and then I cant calm him down.

I just cant take anymore and need him to sleep all night every night. Any advice?

Thanks

Posted: 03 October 2008 at 12:14am | IP Logged

I can sympathise with you ds only ever slept for 2 hours in one go for the first 18 months to 2 years of his life.

I do differ from your problem though as ds would sleep in his cot but would wake anyway for feeding or his dummy, i thought that control crying should be to pick them up if they haven't settlted after a short while,like 5 mins or so, hold them until calm but not sleeping, then settle them back down and keep doing this until they are deep asleep, it does take a long time to break habits, as this is working for them right now. Hope you crack it.

Posted: 03 October 2008 at 9:50am | IP Logged

How old is Zak?

I think what the mum at school is saying is far to extreme. It is nearly impossible as a mum to leave her child screaming in a cot for hours.

I do have a few tips though.

Have a T Shirt you have worn for a few days or slept in so it smells of you and your body scent, then leave it in your sons cot. It will make him feel close to you.

Because of the way you have been dealing with the issue it is going to take some time to tackle it and break the cycle. Prepare yourself and your household for at least a week of not sleeping. Try not to book anything important during the day as you will be tired - but focus on the end picture - your son spending the night happily in his cot - keep this in your mind because if you give in just once when you have started it makes it 100x more difficult. It teaches the child that if the scream for long enough mummy gives in.

You then do a controlled crying technique - not one where you leave your son to scream for hours - it will take patience to break the habit.

There are two ways you can do it. Firstly you leave the room after settling Zak. If he cries then leave him 2 minutes, go back in and settle him but don't talk to him or play with him, just lay him back down and shhh him. Then leave the room. Next time leave it 5 minutes then do the same, then 10 minutes. You can leave it then every 10 minutes or if you prefer you can go to longer. It will take a long time - maybe hours, maybe all night - but stick at it. Remember why you are doing it. He will fall asleep in the end. If he wakes you need to do it again. It will be much harder at night when you are so tired but you must keep it up.

It wont be cracked in one night, you will need to do it for a few nights but I recon it will take under a week to crack it and get him settled and happy with his cot. I've done this - I know it works. You have to believe in it.

The 2nd way of doing it is one I have never used but I'll try to explain as best I can. You settle Zak then sit down next to his bed. Don't talk to him or engage with him in any way. You are there so he feels safe. make sure you are comfy as you'll be there for a while. It is so difficult not to get up and start comforting him but remember why you are there. Eventually he will settle. Once he has quietly leave the room.

The following night sit closer to the door. The next night sit just outside the door where he can still see you but only just and the final night you can leave, or stay on the landing area. I have never done this so I don't know how it works.

Above all remember he will crack it. Spend some time with him in his room during the day, maybe put him in his cot and play with him so it feels like a happy place. Buy him a new cuddly toy and use the t-shirt.

If I think of anything else I'll add it. Good luck and I hope my post makes sense.

Hugs - you will get there! xxx

Posted: 03 October 2008 at 9:54am | IP Logged

Hi hun

I had a similar problem with my youngest son..... he didn't like to sleep in his crib..... he used to do the same, sleep in my arms or on his playmat or our bed.... i found it was the matterass (sp) i found a pillow in his crib helped him to sleep as it was softer than the matterass which was quite hard.... he slept better when he was in his cotbed though as the matterass was firmer but he's only recenlty started to sleep though the night when he went into a big boy bed....

Keep going it also might have something to do with the fact that where he's nodded off is warm.... try having a fleece blanket under him and picking that up too and putting him to bed onto of that blanket... (i don't like climbing into my bed at night it can be a bit refreashing sometimes.... either that or fleecy pj's.

As for the controlled crying there are 2 methods my hv told me about.

1 the method your mum said where you let them cry and cry till they nodd off.

no 2 takes a bit longer but to me it was more practical didn't wake the rest of the family as much. (can't remember it's name) but you settle them awake in the bed, and stay close no talking apart from to say night night sleep time see you in the morning.... sort of thing..... if they cry try and comfort them without picking them up and talking too much so shhh noises and patting stroking them.... as time goes on you should be able to sit across the room, to the door way and then out of the room and then go pop washing away 1 item, pop back, 2 items pop back, don't leave it 5 mins or anything set vary the time as you don't want them knowing how long to leave it......

I also found if i read a book or played on my mobile it was easier as he could see my face from the light and know i was close but it gave me something to try and keep my mind occupied and not rush over.... it's hard but it seems to have work but it did take mths to slowly ween him into his bed where as controled crying is meant to be quicker.

I was also told that a baby, younger child had a shorter deep sleep cycle (going back a yr to try and remember this now so can't be 100% true of the time) but i think it was approx... every 2 hours they go back into light sleep and then into deep sleep so i'd try moving him 30 mins after he's nodded off..... it worked and it amazed me as i used to go to bed roughly 2hrs later and you could bet your bottom doller i'd just climb into bed and he'd wake.

Good luck hun  it's not easy and i apologise for the long reply.

Just wanted to say sorry if i've repeated some of what the previous posters said we must have been typing at the same time.

Posted: 03 October 2008 at 10:10am | IP Logged

Thanks ladies, I was a bit naughty last night, got him to sleep in the normal way, left him downstairs until I was ready to go to bed, as I put him in his cot he woke up crying. I had taken my mp3 player up with me so I put that on and read a book, his cot is in my room. He cried from 11.30pm until 1am then went fast asleep until 7.15 this morning, the latest he has ever slept in till. He is a much happier little boy this morning.

Madz, Zak is 15 months old

Thanks again

hugs xxxxxx

Posted: 03 October 2008 at 10:23am | IP Logged

Thanks, if I hadnt had my mp3, I dont think I would have been able to do it. Im charging it now for tonight.

Unfortantly I only have a 2 bedroom, and my girls are in the other room, its so small that I have been able to get just their bunk beds and a few toys in there.

The council have told me to move all the kids into the bigger room, but my bed wont fit into the small bedroom.

Georgina xxx

Posted: 03 October 2008 at 10:53am | IP Logged

Hmmm i'd keep on at them hun cause i'm sure there's a rule about no of kids to a room etc.....

Keep going though your doing fab..... it's hard on the old heart strings but it's a great tool for them to learn x

Posted: 03 October 2008 at 12:49pm | IP Logged

thats discusting that the council wont move you to a 3 bedroom and expect your two girls to share a room with their baby brother...

anyway,i always used the controlled crying with my daughter from her being tiny once i knew she wasnt needing a feed or anything and was just waking for the sake of it,and shes always slept through...6.30pm till 8am normally! it will take a lot of breaking the habbit though so you will have to be strikt with both yourself and zak....have a routine and stick to it religiously!! xx

Posted: 03 October 2008 at 1:15pm | IP Logged

Well done! The mp3 player is a good idea as it blocks out the heart wrenching crying and makes it easier to stay calm. Once you have cracked it it will be so worth it.

It is important to teach him to go to sleep on his own. Its hard but otherwise you will still be struggling years down the line and believe it or not its easier to do it when they are younger.

Keep on at the council - sooner or later you wont be able to have him in your room, it just isnt suitable as he gets older.

Contact your MP if you dont get anywhere with the council. Or even the local papers. It isnt fair to keep you living like that.

Best of luck.

BTW - Zany and I tend to repeat each other all the time! We're well know for it!