Joined: 11 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 9209 Gender: Female
Posted: 23 November 2008 at 10:54pm | IP Logged
Hi ladies, again I am having problems with ds2. His so called 'friend' has been thumping him while on the school bus. I call him a so called friend as ds2 actually said he has no idea from one minute to the next whether he is actually friends with this lad. Now over the last 3 months he has come home with bruises, red marks, and now has almost continuous problems and pain with his shoulder. Now I kept him off school on Thursday, and explained I wouldn't be in the following day to be told I would receive a phone call that afternoon. No one called me Thursday, while I was at work on Friday morning, I had a missed call from the school. But no one has tried me since 9:41am. I am going to be keeping him home as he is quite good at getting school work (he is in his final year at school, doing his GCSE's this year) done during the day, as well as into the evening. I am at a loss as to what to do. I can't take him to and from the school as it would seriously mess up the babies routine, I can drop him off on the way to school, but it would mean him getting the school bus back, and that is where the most of the problems are. I am in a catch 22 situation, but this is the same son that was threatening suicide at the beginning of the year. I really am lost and was wondering if anyone had any advice.
Joined: 29 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 2472 Gender: Female
Posted: 24 November 2008 at 10:03am | IP Logged
aww im so sorry to hear this i think its discusting and i can totaly understand why you feel you dont know what to do for the best,its a difficult position,i would call the school back and explain the situation and see what they have to say on it,or what they can suggest,explain that you are extremely worried about your son and at the moment are not happy to send him on the school bus due to this bullying and ask if they are happy to send work home for him untill the issue can be resolved? is this just happening on the bus or is it going on in school time aswell?
Joined: 05 July 2006 United Kingdom Posts: 2598 Gender: Female
Posted: 24 November 2008 at 10:10am | IP Logged
Firstly Vix, I would ring the school back.. tell them you missed thieir call and talk it over with his teacher or head teacher! Make an appointment to see them in person if necessary. If they are aware of any problems, im sure they will do their best to put a stop to it.. especially as it is his last year (and such and important one at that) All schools should run an anti-bullying scheme and will know how best to tackle the problem and students doing the bullying! Poor thing, i know bullying is such a common problem in most schools, high schools especially.. but nobody should have to tolerate it. Big hugs x-x-x
Joined: 11 September 2007 United Kingdom Posts: 3400 Gender: Female
Posted: 24 November 2008 at 10:10am | IP Logged
Hi Vix this is a difficult one and i can understand where your concerns lie. He sounds similar to me when i was his age.
Keep pestering the school and speak to the head. Look into homeschooling if it's something you'd feel comfortable doing with him. This website might be useful. I know of someone who was homeschooled and did well on her gcse's and is now at college.
Failing that if he is getting depressed and your worried about him talking suicide again, have you looked at councelling and seeing if you can get a taxi to and from school for him (if he is that way inclined due to being bullied he might be classed as having a mental problem (no not nuts but unwell due to surroundings))
Good luck vix sorry not much help but big hugs hun x
Joined: 11 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 9209 Gender: Female
Posted: 24 November 2008 at 3:38pm | IP Logged
Well, I have tried contacting the school twice today, they rang again when I was out, wondering where he was, so still not his head of year! I mentioned to him thta I couldn't keep him off indefinitely and said he may have to go back at the end of the week, but bless him, he's been an angelic, subdued child since then. Much as I love this side of ds2, I know it's just not right! I will try the school again tomorrow about lunch time, and see where I can go from there, but yes it looks like I will have to get the work home (if they ever send it). Well at least he'll be kept busy, he's been sat doing his coursework all afternoon!!
Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 8849 Gender: Not Specified
Posted: 24 November 2008 at 4:02pm | IP Logged
I really feel for your son. Bullying is so soul destroying.
The school isn't doing enough. You and the school need to get hold of one another, make an appointment and get this bullying sorted immediately. No messing - this is serious stuff.
Futhermore, why should your son, who is the victim here be removed from a school because of another boy's actions. I really think the school need to be made aware what is happening before you decide to pull your son out. Besides, just because your son is removed from school that won't make the bullying stop, he'd just go on to abuse some other child.
Your son is contemplating suicide - someone needs to take responsibility here!!! If it were me in this situation I'm sorry but I wouldn't be waiting for a call, I would be straight down the school, banging on doors, demanding to speak to the headmaster...
Joined: 11 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 9209 Gender: Female
Posted: 25 November 2008 at 5:48pm | IP Logged
Well I got hold of the school today, and chocolate fireguard seems to come to mind! They have a word with the child involved, and are also going to have another word with him this afternoon (accompanied by the headmaster). Seeing as though it's happening on the school bus I am not sure what they can do. All she was concerned about was getting my son back into school ready for revising for the mocks taht apparently start on the 8th December. Ds is refusing to go on the school bus, and if I am honest I am not willing to force the issue. I told her that he would not be forced, but she said if I could have a word with him, and get him back to school for the rest of the week. It looks like another call or a visit is in order, if they can send his work home with dd for this week, and when his mocks do start then yes he can go in on the school bus, but my reasoning is this, if you know that when you walk on a motorway you are going to get knocked over and killed, would you walk on the motorway? Why should he go to school, if they cannot protect him? I have never taken ds2's roblems seriously as to be honest I have never believed him he exagerates, he lies, and I always thought he was a 'bad un', however the fact dd has told me on a number of occasions what has happened, and I have assumed that he started it, I found out taht it's not always the case, so I am willing to fight with him on this one.
What made me feel really small today, I said mommy's now on your side, and the response was 'about time'. That hurt, and it just goes to show how much he has suffered in silence. I will also be taking him to the docs to see if they can find out what is wrong with his shoulder, and if the damage is permanent.
As you can see I am now fighting mad, and although I don't know where I stand legally with keeping him off school, I am going to find out as much as I can about bullying and the law, because technically what this other lad is doing is assault.
Sorry for the rant, just wanted to keep you all updated!
Joined: 27 October 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 1713 Gender: Female
Posted: 25 November 2008 at 6:21pm | IP Logged
Vicki, I don't know if you can remember that I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago when ds1 was being bullied on the way home. The school said it wasn't their problem as the bullying was taking place outside school even though it was just outside the school gate. One night when he came home having been punched in the stomach and face we got the police involved. As you say it is assault and the other child was given a talking too. It also made his parents take the situation seriously and the bullying stopped. I know it is a big step to get the police involved and I know it was hard on ds as he had to explain what was happening to him, which i know is not ideal but he knew why he had to do it.
Don't feel guilty that you haven't taken him seriously before, you are now and that is what counts. To be honest I thought ds was exagerating or after attention ( i had just had Harry) until he started coming home covered in bruises. Keep him off school if you can. You still have a couple of weeks before his mocks and he won't do well if he is worried about the journey too and from school.
Best of Luck and I hope you find a solution soon. I know how worried you must be and I really hope the bully gets what he deserves.
Joined: 11 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 9209 Gender: Female
Posted: 02 December 2008 at 6:07pm | IP Logged
Thought I'd update you on this one. I was chatting to ds1 over the weekend and he has informed me that Hywel hasn't needed to do a thing, and the other lad used to start on him and that was 2 years ago. Bless him no wonder he's as low as he is these days. I have phoned the school again today and we are taking it one day at a time, Hywel has a French oral exam tomorrow, so I will take him to school at lunch time (weather permitting), and he will get the bus home. We have devised a plan of action for if anything does go wrong, and I have advised him that no matter what this child does to get a rise out of him or wind him up, then he is to ignore him. If there are any problems on the way home tomorrow, I will be in the school first thing on Thursday to get it dealt with and the police will then become involved. I will also give a heads up to his mother and let her know the extent of it. She wants to believe what a good boy he is she will be rudely awoken! But now I feel like things are going forward, and as I said one day at a time especially as his mock exams start next Monday!
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Topic: problems on the school bus
