Parenting Forums

Posted: 18 January 2009 at 9:30pm | IP Logged

I agree with all the advice given so far.
First thing in the morning, i would go and speak to the Citizens Advice. They will be able to help you find a suitable solicitor who deals with family seperation problems and they will be able to point you in the right direction for all the help you and your son need to get you throught this torturing situation your put under.

And i also agree.. cut his access altogether as of now. I certainly wouldn't let any of my children be put in the same confusing situation as your boy unfortunatley is.

Just another thought.. write down in a diary all the things and comments that have been said, not just from the father to your son.. but any contact you have had with him too.

Please keep us updated, we really do feel for you hun.
Stay strong for yourself and most importantly your lad.
Welcome to the site, Amanda xxx

Posted: 18 January 2009 at 9:45pm | IP Logged

im so frightened. Cant stand the thought of loosing my son to someone who has such little regard fo his welfare.

He is supposed to be collecting him on tuesday-god id even agreed to an overnight stay then thinking that would make my son happier but its another opportunity to manipulate further-god what damage will he do then

Dont know what to do anymore - do i let him go on tuesday or not and then risk a judge seeig that badly.

Posted: 19 January 2009 at 8:49am | IP Logged

Husband is in complete shock. He says he has never known such cruelty. He has a son from a previous relationship that although lives a significant distance away sees us every othe weekend and most of the holidays and he is 16 this year and he and my son get on really well. This would upset him so much.

Id like to think that the legal people will see how much ive done for all these years. I mean if i was such a terrible parent he wouldnt need to attempt to do this would he my son would be un happy anyway. My son is so easy to manipulate and due to his condition sees things very literally and the way he exaplins things sometimes example...my mum grounded my teenage brother as he was being really awful in the house with a bad attitude. She said you cant go to your friends this weekend. Simple yes? My son told me....nan has locked charlie in the house and wont let him out again-that is his perception on it.

How can you ask a child like that a question and fully understand the answe with his condition....havent slept all night. waiting for 9 until solicitor opens.

Posted: 19 January 2009 at 10:30am | IP Logged

Let us know how it goes on, take all the legal advice you can and you will be fine. Your ex will not get away with this behaviour.

Tsena is right - keep a log of everything that has happened and everything that has happened.

And just keep reminding you son that he is safe and non of this is his fault. You need to rise above your ex's behaviour, you are better than him. You will not lose your son because your ex is manipulating him, it will not happen.

Good luck with getting all the advice you need.

Posted: 19 January 2009 at 11:47am | IP Logged

"You will not lose your son because your ex is manipulating him, it will not happen."

I really hope not. I just so hope you are right. Appointment is at 4 so just ahve to hang on until then

Posted: 19 January 2009 at 7:37pm | IP Logged

Right the situation is this:

My solicitor is writing to him to agree contact arrangements in writing.

Until she has a response in writing contact has been suspended. The reason for this is that he could take my son and then not return him after contact. There would be nothing the police could do as no court order in place. Cannot get a court order yet as we have to give him the opportunity to agree/contest contact in writing. If he contests it then court order. If he agrees then later it will be harder for him to push for custody after he has agreed to contact.

She will also request that he does not discuss the matter with my son in the way he has been doing as this was detrimental to his health. I had to call him to tell him that contact was cancelled and obviously that didnt go down well.

He told me he now didnt want to go for custody but 50:50

Mmmm watch this space!

Posted: 19 January 2009 at 7:47pm | IP Logged

That sounds positive.

Just stick at it and remember why you are doing it.

Well done for taking this step and getting the ball rolling. I think its always a good idea to have written contact arrangements to avoid this happening.

Posted: 19 January 2009 at 7:57pm | IP Logged

She also said that there is no way i will loose him - worst case scenario is 50:50

Frankly i dont want that now either-not after all this. He has proved to me that he will never have my sons best interests at heart!