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Posted: 31 October 2005 at 6:26pm | IP Logged

Well i was diagnosed with depression wen i was pregnant but they wudnt give me anythin as it cud of harmed josh so i had to jus battle on. Well wen he was born i was happy n thought that id left it behind, but i noticed it creepin back wen josh turned 1month. i didnt want to admit it til now as i thought if i did n i went on meds etc, i wudnt be able to be a proper mum to josh. Im also very scared of goin the docs in case they tell me im over exaggeratin but i av to do sumthin b4 i loose it.

Im always exhausted, so much that i sleep 14-16hrs altogether throughout the night n day but im still so tired i cant even get up n make myself a drink. I cant get up to see to josh wen he gets upset, all i can do is sit ther starin into space with tears rollin down my eyes. My parnter has to do everythin n he as to work too n due to this i feel guilty. I honestly feel like he is goin to get too tired n fed up n leave me soon for sum1 better. i jus feel like a fat, ugly, lazy slob. I reli do wana sort myself out but i jus aint got the motivation to do it. I have panick attacks every now again.

Its jus not fair on both my partner n josh, josh as to c me this way day in day out n it upsets him but i dont kno wat to do, i cant get up til around noon everyday n thats wen i force myself literally to get up so i cant get up early enuff to ring up the docs for an appointment.

I jus feel like a complete failure. I feel both my partner n josh wud be better off without me. I jus want to die most times so i can stop hurtin, but i dont want to do that to josh n leave him mommyless. I cudnt bare the thought of him thinkin i hated him wen he was older. I have tried takin overdoses though quite a few times within the past month but my partner as always had to stop me. I honestly dont understand y he is still here with me. im messed up and make his life so complicated, he as to be on the look out for me all the time now why wud any1 want that life?

Sorry to rant i jus need to tlk to sum1 b4 i explode

Posted: 31 October 2005 at 6:40pm | IP Logged

oh lovey you sound like you have a degree of depression

you are not alone in this esp on this website maybe you could read some of the threads on here that have already started re: depression to get some support

i feel that you see a doctor about this.  not everyone gets on well with anti ds so maybe talking to a counsellor may help

you are not a failure far from it.  being a mother is really hard and you are doing a fantastic job.  it is very brave of you to admit you may have depression but the next step is to try and do something about it.  the sooner the better for your sake and your dps and baby's

hth. sending hugs.  zo x

Posted: 31 October 2005 at 6:59pm | IP Logged

Hi. All I can do is agree with whats been said here... I have post-natal depression and have been receiving treatment now for 5 months. I've also suffered depression before and so do know exactly what you feel.

I'm not bigging myself up or anything, but I did write an article for the site about my experience of PND - you might find it interesting... I can't find it at the mo, but will do and will send you the link.

I really would urge you to see your doctor - you ARE NOT a failure. PND is an illness and you can't do anything to stop yourself getting it any more than you can stop a cold..

If you feel you don't know what to say to your doc, print this page and take it to your doctor.

Sending hugs to you... Let us know how you get on..

Posted: 31 October 2005 at 7:02pm | IP Logged

aww hun ur not alone i have just been diagnosed with pnd.  I would def go to the docs and get it sorted hun.  If u wanna talk just pm me anytime as i know how u feel.  Its so hard but everyone here is great and will help as much as they can x

Big hugs xxx

Posted: 31 October 2005 at 7:14pm | IP Logged

http://www.madmums.com/GH_ShowArticle.asp?HID=84

Here it is (Thanks flip!!)

This is how I was feeling, I hope that it helps. xxxx

Posted: 31 October 2005 at 7:24pm | IP Logged

best place to rant is on here!

i do hope you are feeling better

feel free to share though

Posted: 31 October 2005 at 7:38pm | IP Logged

Aww hun I have had depression and no exactly how you feel.

You need to see a GP, they wont think you're exaggerating they will be very understanding! They will help you find the best treatment for you.

If you need to talk one on one PM me, we are all here for you and as you can see a lot of us have been there and can help you through it!

Love 'n hugs

xxx

Posted: 01 November 2005 at 12:36pm | IP Logged

aww anna, Ive only just seen yr thread, as Im going thru a really pants time at the mo myself and havent been on here as mch as I usually do.  I started a thread 3 steps forward and 9 back so you will see you are not alone

Im not much help at all im afraid as im not in a good sitatuation myself at the moment but i wanted to let you know im with you, and just pm me if you need to sound off.

LIke jopsy said this is the place to do it, we are all here for each other. And nobody will judge you, you will find there is always somebody who is feeling the same or has been thru the same experiences, and you then realise that you arent alone and talking to others really does help you see things a bit clearer.

good luck huni, here if you need

luv lilybxxx