Pregnancy Forums

Posted: 21 March 2006 at 10:02pm | IP Logged

Since Ollie was 6wks old I have wanted another baby.  Mad I hear you all shout, but you knew that anyway...  As the year has gone on I have wanted one more and more.  I think Ols would benefit from a sibling and it's just something I really want to do.

My problem is Keith does not want anymore children.  Until recently he has refused to even talk about it without getting cross with me but he now realises the issue isn't just going to go away.  This doesn't change his mind though.

We had a long talk about it today and he thinks I need to see a doctor as he thinks I am being obsessive.  Now I am fully prepared to see the doctor but I think the doctor will just look at me as if I am crazy for going.

The problem is made worse for me as I only have 13mnths until I will be 38yrs old and I know lots of women have babies in their 40's but with having 3 children already I really don't want to be older than 38 as the risks for a womans health and the babies health jump so hugely then.  I can't hang around until Keith changes his mind in other words.

So my questions are, what would you do?  Do I need to see a doctor?  Should I maybe just sleep in the wet patch  I don't want to end up hating Keith because of this but it is really upsetting me.

Posted: 21 March 2006 at 10:19pm | IP Logged

aww, i really feel for u, its awful when one wants and the other dosent,

i wouldnt say you need to see a doctor though, i think its normal for you to want another so soon, not that i would but were all different,

the hardest thing is that one has to give in, will it be you or will it be keith either way, you will always think was he right was you and so on,

i cant really say much else hun, but i feel for you and hope things work out yourway in the end,

(((((hugs))))) julie xxx

Posted: 21 March 2006 at 10:23pm | IP Logged

You cannot force Keith to have a child. Have you thought that maybe because you are nearing the age where its now or never then maybe thats why you want another baby. My mum had us lot and then as she approached 37 she really and I mean really wanted another. It did not happen and now she looks back and thinks she had a lucky escape. It wasnt the fact she wanted a baby, it was just her hormones telling her it was her last chance.

Im not sure how discussing this with a doctor would help. A doctor will not changed keith's mind. And from what you have said, nor will you. You have 3 beautiful children, and so far the talk of another is causing you problems.

It upsets you already that you have to leave lil Ols when you go out to work. How will you feel going out to work leaving 2 los at home? Personnally I think if keith has made his mind up you should both focus on a happy future with Ols and your girls, pushing the issue might just make you both more upset. if you have wanted another from Ols being 6 weeks maybe its just hormones, as you are still breast feeding then hormones are bound to still be high.

Wait till you have stopped breast feeding, and give it a little bit of time. Many women still have babies in their late 30's and 40's. see how you feel then when the hormones have gone down, maybe as keith see's Ols grow up he'll change his mind.

hugz and kisses sam, i desparately want another lo so I know what the urge feels like. Im sorry if I havent helped any xxxx

Posted: 21 March 2006 at 10:39pm | IP Logged

I am with you 100% on this one Sam. I have always wanted more than one child, at least two. When me and Tony talked about having kids at the start we never mentioned numbers. He always knew children were important to me and would be a part of my future. Edward was unplanned but we ended up very happy, Tony was desperate for a boy and I still wonder what his reatcion would have been if Edward had been a girl.

Because of my SPD I have to wait 3 years before I try again to cut the risks of me getting it really bad. But when I talk to Tony he says we cant have another because we would have to move and with him getting closer to retirement etc we would be able to afford to.

He wants to have the snip I have told him no, I am not ready to make that decision at this time.

Look I know our situation is very different but I fully understand. I dont think a gp would help personally. If it really important to you then you and keith need to reach some kind of agreement on it. None of us can tell you what that will be. Maybe leave it another couple of months and bring it up again - in a non pressure enviroment.

Wish I could help more. I'm sure the fact that it is ols first birthday has raised this issue more today and hopefully you will both see it more clearly tomorrow.

Posted: 21 March 2006 at 10:55pm | IP Logged

awwwwww Sam

I know how you feel, I felt desparate to have another the very second my 4th lo was born. Yep, as mad as it sounds, and dh definetly thought I was mad and just said "ARRRGH 5!!".

But he came round in the end, but from personal experience I found it really really hard being prg with a toddler as well, having 4 already I just was sooo tired out all the time. Whether it was my age or what but I found things really tough at times.

There are times I feel things are really hard having proper time with all my los, and especially when they are being really hard work in their own ways and all at once too, but I would never ever change it for the world.

When April was born I turned to dh and said, " I know this was the most wonderful birth out of all of them, but I def dont want to go thru this again" to which he agreed. But now hes the one who feels omg its a bit final having no more babies, although Im adamant I dont want anymore.

Okay, I do get broody very occasionally, but it passes and I know that within myself Ive come to the right decision.

It is a really difficult situation for you hun, being that you are really wanting another and Keith dosnt. But as the other girls said, perhaps giving things time both your feelings will become more clearer and you might come to the same way of thinking.

I guess Im trying to say, that you are being totally normal in the way you feel, and you definetly dont need to go to the docs about it.

Big hugs to you Im thinking of you

Hope things work out well for you and in the way that you are both happy

lots of love

lilybxx

Posted: 22 March 2006 at 5:05pm | IP Logged

I have no intention of forcing Keith to do anything, he is a foot taller than me and far more stubborn so that would be pointless.

Yes that is exactly the problem or at least that compounds the desire.

Have seen the gp today, it's not a hormonal problem it's a primal instinct.  Hormone therapy can not help the way you feel.  It's a natural instinct in all humans including men for survival of the species.

I do have 3 children which makes no difference to how I am feeling.  Talking about it is causing no problems it's wanting a child that is causing me the heartache no one else.

I will be just as upset as I get now no more or no less.  I never planned to go back to work.  I was meant to stay at home, then Keith became unwell and I was left with no choice.

I asked the doctor if stopping breastfeeding would make a difference (also something I do not want to do) and he said no as it is not a hormonal issue so whether I breastfeed or not is niether here nor there.

As I have already explained I am not willing to put my health or a babies at risk so don't wish to become pregnant over the age of 38.

Posted: 22 March 2006 at 5:08pm | IP Logged

We aren't arguing about it.  The pressure will only mount over the next year not get less as I only have a year.

We have been talking about it for the last few weeks I just chose to post it yesterday.

Posted: 22 March 2006 at 5:13pm | IP Logged

I wish I was just feeling broody and it would pass, have felt like this for nearly a year now.

Thank you to everyone that read my thread and replied (thank you for your kind words Jecko)

I have been to the doctors today.  He doesn't consider me to be depressed.  He said that to want another baby is a natural primal instinct in men and women.  Some feel it stronger than others, it is absolutely nothing to do with hormones that is just an old wives tale.  If it was somthing to do with hormones then he would have given his wife a pill for it after their 4th child....

So I have to just live with it I guess and be unhappy.

(I broke down the posts so that no one got too bored with my mad ramblings)

Posted: 22 March 2006 at 5:29pm | IP Logged

I read this post just when you posted it and no feedback was recieved.  I really didn't know what to say as I felt I couldn't do anything or say anything to help you in any way.  I do hope you feel happier soon.  It's interesting humans have that instinct to reproduce.  I really didn't know it would be that strong. 

Thinking of you, x

Posted: 22 March 2006 at 6:45pm | IP Logged

Mumsam I had wanted another lo but Lee really dont want anymore . I do understand how you are feeling but am not good at giving advise, all I can say is I hope you get what you really do want one way or another If that makes sence, And as for sleeping in wet patch  I had to think about that one. hehe

HelenC (not so helpfull)