Health Forums

Posted: 01 September 2006 at 6:24pm | IP Logged

Some of you know the personal problems I've been having lately so there's no wonder that I'm feeling low.  I'm fine during the day, (well, sometimes I have a little sob when I'm on my own), but the nights are the worse. That's when I think and analyse where we went wrong with our marriage, how am I going to cope with two los under the age of 3 on my own etc.  It gets so repetitive that I even have nightmares and wake up about 3 or 4 times during the night.

Depression does run in my family, but those of you who know me personally will vouch that I really am not a miserable so and so.  I'm normally bubbly, happy go lucky and ready to take everyone else's problems on.  I'm finding it hard to express verbally how I feel to those around me because I feel like I have to be strong or at least appear to.

I look a mess.  I can't be bothered with make-up, my skin has dried out from constant crying and bags are forming under my eyes.

Now I'm having a hard time trying to imagine that I actually have depression.  I know little about it and know nothing about treatment.  I've always thought of myself as a strong person but now I have my doubts.  I'm wondering do I need to see a doctor?  Or will I be wasting both our time?  I don't want to take medication, but would like advice on how to get a good night's sleep naturally.  Not sure what I think...I'll shut up rambling-lol.

Posted: 01 September 2006 at 7:19pm | IP Logged

Right then you - this is a 2 fold answer.

Part 1 - Sleep. There are many things that you can do to help the way you sleep naturally.

• Make sure you wind down in the evening before bed. Even if its 10 mins reading a book or doing some breathing excersizes.
• Cut out caffeine after 6pm.
• Don't eat a heavy meal too late in the evening.
• Have a milky drink at bed time (hot choc is good!)
• Have a bath before bed to unwind
• If you wake in the night and can't get back to sleep, get up and go to the loo - even if you don't need to go. Its just enough so that when you go back to bed, you are going back to sleep.
• There are herbal supplements that aid sleep. Valerian Root is one - you can get it in chemists and some supermarkets. Pasiflora is another.
• Herbal Nytol is herbal (as the name suggests!) and doesn't leave you feeling woozy in the morning
• Burn a little lavender oil in your room before bed, or buy a lavender spray.

Thats just a few top tips. Another one which sounds bonkers but has worked wonders for me is to make your bedroom as relaxing as possible. Don't watch TV in bed, clear away clutter from the floor, and try and keep the room slightly cooler than the rest of the house. You can also buy relaxation CD's - I have one of a thunderstorm that is brilliant. I play it when I'm going to sleep and when I wake in the night.

Part 2 - Depression. Just because you feel that you are normally a strong person, doesn't mean that you're not at the moment. You are going through one hell of an experience and everything around you is changing. Even someone with iron in their body instead of bones would be feeling rotten. Talking to your doctor won't hurt and you won't be wasting his or her time. You may or may not be depressed, but at least he or she may be able to give you some advice on the sleeping if nothing else.  As for medication, I know thats a tough one as I felt the same to start off with - but why? You don't have to answer this, but have a think about why you feel you wouldn't want to take medication. If you are depressed, then its an illness just as a chest infection is an illness. Its not your fault, and if you need something to help you get better then whats the shame in that? Anti depressants have had a lot of bad press with horror stories of addiction and side effects but in a lot of that is based on the historic early versions of Prozac, which has been improved massively today. Please don't take this the wrong way - I'm saying this with every good intention but please don't rule anything out. There are a lot of girls on here with experience of anti depressants and I don't think there's a single one of us who regrets taking them. You might not need them, all I'm asking is please don't rule anything out.

OK this is an essay now. Sorry! Hang in there Zoe. No one is expecting you to dust yourself off and carry on with life as if nothing has changed. Sleep deprivation is a horrible thing in itself without anything else going on.

Posted: 01 September 2006 at 7:32pm | IP Logged

Not an essay at all.

I've taken alot of what you've said on board especially about the sleeping solutions-very helpful.  I'm thinking once I have a decent night's sleep things won't seem so bad.  Hopefully, everything will fall back into place in time and I will start to feel like my normal self again.

I hate feeling sorry for myself.

Thanks alot for the advice, Dizie.

Posted: 01 September 2006 at 7:44pm | IP Logged

havent kept up to date with things on here

you sound sad and under the weather so i dont see why a trip to the docs isnt called for

tc

jo

Posted: 01 September 2006 at 7:50pm | IP Logged

Hi Zoe, I know we have never been the best of friends but I really feel for you.  I know what divorce is like and how devastating it is, I have been there.  Now don't take this the wrong way and feel like it's going to take forever to feel better but it took me a good year to feel anywhere normal again after I seperated from my husband.  When you seperate from someone who has been so close to you in your life you grieve for that person, for that life, for yourself and who you were.  You can and you will come through this the other side and rebuild your life again but it takes time and a lot of it.

For you it's still very early days.  You have a lot of unanswered questions and a lot of insecurity at the moment.  What I discovered is that I was the only person that could make myself feel better.  I bought a few self help books some of them were mad but they did have a few bits of good advice in them so might be worth a try.  Don't sweat the small stuff is a good book and also you are what you think was another one I read.

Things are going to hurt for a while to come yet, be kind to yourself and don't expect too much of yourself.  If you are having a bad day then do at least one positive thing in that day even if it's only going to the shop to buy some chocolate.

One thing I found when I was going through it is I got board about talking about it all, going over the same ground time and time again.  When you feel like this try and do something normal like wathc Corrie or go for a walk.  Try and give yourself a break from thinking about it all by just telling the people closest to you that you don't want to speak about it today if that's ok, they will understand.

Focus on your boys, do silly things like have a water fight or go and feed the ducks.  Children are a great tonic for taking your mind off your problems and also helping you to feel stronger and more positive about life.  Your boys will get you through this because you know you have to get through it for them as well as yourself.

Ok I am rambling now.....

If you want to speak to a dr then go and do that.  If you need some tablets to help for a bit then do that too.  Maybe your dr could reccomend a counselor to speak to, someone impartial that can help teach you coping techniques.

Good luck and we are all here for you, your not on your own.

Posted: 01 September 2006 at 8:00pm | IP Logged

If you dont want to burn stuff in your room because of safety or spray stuff (that gets on my chest) i rub a little lavender oil on the light bulbs in my room.  As the bulb gets hotter it releases the scent.

Love Trudi.  xx

Posted: 01 September 2006 at 8:32pm | IP Logged

Hey mate, I thought the world was swallowing me up when I went through it. All be it that a huge weight had been lifted once i'd done it.  It didnt take long for me to be swallowed up by a giant black hole.  I was hanging on by my fingertips and then after a while i was in the bottom of said hole looking up at daylight with no way of reaching it.  My boss in the end told me to go see the doc, or rather ordered me to..so off I went, furious that i had no choice, but once i sat down it all poured out.  He put me on magic happy pills..said hed see me in a month and that was it.  I felt like such a cop out and then i found out just how many others were on them and didnt feel so bad.  I was on them for about 8 months, 3 months of that was when they reduced the dosage and just let my body take over. 

It wont hurt to go see a doc, he may be able to give u some advice.  You could always give your hv a ring etc, they are there for you as well as the boys.

You know you can do this...or i'll go and dig out those letters!!!!

Posted: 04 September 2006 at 9:19am | IP Logged

Got an appt for today at 1 o'clock. Quite nervous about it.

Posted: 04 September 2006 at 9:34am | IP Logged

Oh no I missed this post!

Firstly you wont be wasting anyones time getting an appt. I know its difficult to understand but depression is an illness, like having the flu, so you need to see a doc. Its a big step, I remember the first time I went to the gp about depression I felt like a failure. I had watched family and friends go through it and I was always the strong one so it was difficult to admit I had it. I have since done lots of reading into it and realise it has nothing to do with being weak and infact asking for help is a sign of how strong a person is.

I cannot relate to your situation but it must be so upsetting and draining. Depending on your gp they will deal with it different ways but I would think about asking for advice sleeping/coping. Maybe councelling to help you understand and in time move on from these events in your life. And anti d's. I know you dont want to talk them, noone does, but they really help and it doesnt have to be a long term thing but may help lift you up while things are so raw.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. We're all here for you Zo! Sending Hugs! and a slobbery kiss from Eddie!

Posted: 04 September 2006 at 9:34am | IP Logged

You'll be just fine hun

You are doing the right thing by going

Will be thinking of you

Hugs and kisses

xxxxxxxxxx