Health Forums

Posted: 20 September 2006 at 5:35pm | IP Logged

Sorry to hear that things are tough for you.

If you don't mind me asking how have you been with your current Dp ? May-be its time you ahd a chat with him. Tell him how you are feeling and tell him that he needs to be of more help to you when he stays over.

I live 40 miles away from my mum and I have a wonderful partner but there are times I really need my mum or just some one to help out. john works full time and we have brought a new house so he is painting or getting the new house ready most evenings after work.

Can you ex help out a bit with the cash flow ?

I know what you mean when you say you just want to be a teeneger but for that you may want to sit down and have a really good think about moving Whales with your parents.

I am 29 this year and i can tell you that having a baby has changed my life in more ways I could possible imagine.

Have a talk with your dp and have a good think about going to whales, you can't go on skipping meals, its not good for you.

I really hope that things get better soon for you.

Sending you a big Irish hug.

Posted: 20 September 2006 at 5:42pm | IP Logged

Dont worry about having a moan, we're all here for you, and the support is there as and when u need it.

Living alone is tough, i know im married, but dh is hardly ever here..so im more or less a single parent..although married.  If your dp is round at yours all the time, he needs to be contributing to the 'pot'.  Its not fair that you are shouldering all the finances when hes eating you out of house and home.  Does your ex pay maintenance, if he does then billy bonus, if he doesnt then thats something you need to sort out.  It is hard being far away from family as well as being unable to drive but that will come in time.  Contact is down to you where ur ex is concerned so dont stress overly much about that if u do go and see your parents.  There are loads of things you can do that doesnt cost money..going for walks, going to the park..having a bimble about things like that.  Im on a v. tight budget but my pair seem to get more out of going out for a walk than their friends do by going to all the big costafortune places.  As for a messy house, sod it, welcome to the world of kids, dp needs to pull his finger out though to give you a hand.  Joe learnt the hard way..when i was poorly for a week and now i dont get the 'ill do it later' routine.  Chin up chicken, youll be fine

Posted: 20 September 2006 at 6:27pm | IP Logged

Petal, have you contacted your local Citizen's Advice Bureau re: your financial situation?  When DH and I split up I found them an invaluable wealth of information.  They also have solicitor's working for them and/or their contact details to hand, can advise you on how to budget your income and inform you on your rights.

It's ok to have a cry and feel down.  My advice is don't try to take on too much.  I don't have time to blitz the house in one day so a room a day is fine.  It is bloody hard doing it all on your own and you seem to be doing a good job.  I'm living with my mum, but I still struggle at times to grab some time for myself. 

I feel lonely as well, but only in the sense that I feel guilty that the children don't have their father permanently living with them like before, is that how you feel?  I wouldn't have him back, and this break-up is final, but there is still alot to contend with.  Parenthood as a couple was hard, but being a sole parent can be bloody draining and lonely at times.

Anyway, back to the financial bit: the CSA try and take 20% of the father's income.  If you and ex dp can come to some sort of financial agreement between the two of you on your own that may be better than going through the system.

At the end of the day you need to look after yourself in order to look after Euan.  Please eat properly and seek advice about your finances.  I know there is alot of help out there if you look for it, it's just knowing where to look.  SureStart have solicitors that offer free advice and the Government have a New Deal scheme for Lone Parents that offers single parents financial advsie from Personal Advisors, but you have to show that you're looking for a job to qualify.

Have you ever had depression before?  If not, a trip to the doctors may be what you need.  I was diagnosed depressed recently, a huge shock as I never thought I would have it being the kind of person that I am.  But apparently it had been building up for a long time and splitting up from DH just brought it all out in the open.

If I come across any other info I'll let you know.  You can always pm me if you want a shoulder to cry on.  I do know what it's like.

Take care, lovey.

Zo xxxx

Posted: 20 September 2006 at 7:27pm | IP Logged

Petal, If both you and your ex ran up bills together before you split then no matter whether he is at uni or not, he should be contributing to the bills, but more importantly for Euan.  He's lucky he can go to uni, whilst you raise your son, so I'd definitely contact someone over your financial situation.

As for your current dp, (I think and sorry if I speak out of turn) that he seems to be taking you a little for granted, not wanting to move in , but come round for meals, stay for the night but not clear up his mess, and then go...Im sorry but looking after an lo and trying to manage a home all by yourself is hard going as is it, without extra work.

My mum lives about 200+ miles away, and we don't see each other that much, we talk everyday and I send her tonnes of pics of the boys, but i can sympathize as its not the same.

Everyone is allowed to feel 'down' do you go to any mum and tot's groups because thats a way of making friends etc..so you can get out and about.

Take care x

Posted: 20 September 2006 at 8:05pm | IP Logged

hi petal

sorry youre out of sorts

ex sounds annoying, current sounds a waste of space-does he ever buy food ?

you just sound like you need a break

can u treat ur mum moving away as a weekend retreat? would they collect you once a month so u get a change of scene?

do they realise how u feel about their move?

thinking of u

catsinhatsarereallyrats

jo x  

Posted: 20 September 2006 at 8:38pm | IP Logged

Hi Petal, I remember how really hard it was having a baby when I was 19.  My daughter is now 17 and when I look at her I really can't imagine her with a baby in 2yrs time.  It's tough being a teenage mum and I can only imagine it must be doubly tough being a single teenage mum, I was married at the time.  It's sometimes good to just be able to write on the net how you are feeling even if there are no answers to your situation or if just by writing it down you get the answer you needed.  I wish you lived in England you could pop around for a cuppa and some lunch.  If you can't afford to eat properly are you entitled to free vitamins on the nhs?  It might be worth asking a hv or a dr.  You could maybe look at buying things like pasta if you like them a large bag of pasta is about 30p and would last you at least a week and fill you up a bit.

I can't remember if you are still a student too, but that makes it even worse for you if you are as there is so little help for students.  If you are a student you could ask at college if there is an access fund that you would be entitled to.

I hope things get better for you soon, keep us up to date with how things are going.