Terrible Teens Forum

Posted: 13 December 2006 at 9:57pm | IP Logged

Hi hun and welcome.

MUMTOMAXTOM - Where abouts do you work?  I work for Lincoln YOT!

I really hope you can work this out hun. 

Becknlouby x

6wks(ih)

Posted: 13 December 2006 at 10:30pm | IP Logged

Oh, do you?  How funny is that!  Well, you'll know more about this malarky than me then-lolo.

I'll email you the details.

lololololo

Posted: 13 December 2006 at 10:33pm | IP Logged

Gawd, I did for a moment, didn't I!

Hey, don't worry I won't let it happen again miss!

Posted: 14 December 2006 at 12:34am | IP Logged

Hi and welcome to madmums hun.

I understad your concerns re social services.........but they maybe able to help........do they have a family intervention team who can support you n your daughter? or offer at least anger managment?...

Posted: 14 December 2006 at 9:43am | IP Logged

Hi, sorry to hear you are having trouble with your daughter at the moment.  I have a 17yr old daughter and whilst she has never been physically violent she sure has her moments of stropiness.

I can understand your reaction to her violent out bursts and they certainly need to be controlled in some way.  I think it might well be worth going to your gp and having a chat, after that if your daughter would also go to the gp on her own or with you that might be a good idea too.  It sounds like it could be hormone related getting her to recognise and sort out her emotions is a step in the right direction.  One of the things I did with my daughters is made them signs to put on their bedroom door.  Sounds a bit too simple but it does work or at least give me some indication to how they are feeling.  Basically the signs say "I am happy", "I am sad", "I hate you", etc that sort of thing and they pin them to their bedroom door when they get up in the morning.  It means when they wake up in a grump I don't even have to ask them how they are as that can be all the ignition they need to blow.

As for commiting to things like cadets and other groups would be great if she did get involved in something but don't be surprised at the lack of commitment shown that's very normal.

Is she still at school full time or college?  If so might also be worth getting in touch with the school a lot of the time they have councillors at the schools now.  One of my daughters had a problem with crying and she took herself to the councillor without prompting and it really helped her sort out her feelings.

I certainly wouldn't wish to be a teenager again, all those mixed up emotions, hormones and not knowing how to deal with it all.  Please try to keep contact with your daughter as hard as it is she will want you one day.

Maybe meet on nutral ground not at home and just go out for a coffee.  Don't expect too much and you won't be disapointed.

As for the knives yes lieing is wrong and it's an annoying incodent but I would leave it now.  She may feel embarrased about it and it gets to a point that even though she may well in her head know what she has done is wrong she now can't admit it as she feels to guilty or embarrassed.  Don't see this as a defeat just as a battle not worth fighting for now.

Good luck and let us know how you go.

Posted: 14 December 2006 at 12:18pm | IP Logged

Thaks again everyone. One of my main fears was my youngest getting caught up in the violence and becoming hurt, but after a conversation last night with her I realise that has already happened. The little one brought up in conversation how she was scared of the elder sometimes and when she hits her. I said to her, but you always tell mummy don't you and we always sort it out. I asked if there had been any incidents that she hadn't told me about, she started crying and told me she wasn't allowed to tell me. I reassured her that she could tell mummy anything and wouldn't be in trouble, then it all came out. She had apparently fallen while playing upstairs with her sister a few months ago and knocked her 2 bottom teeth out. That was the story I was initially told, but she told me really her older sister had kicked her in the face and knocked the teeth out. She was very upset and so was I, but I just gave her a big hug and told her everything was going to be fine.

I have spoken to social services this morning and I told them about this incident. But to be honest, it didn't sound like they believed a word of it. The social worker stated she was no medical professional but surely if she'd been kicked she would have had bruising. I tried to explain that she had a thick lip and bruising to her inner lips, but it had been put down to the fall.

They went on to tell me they have deemed it unsuitable for her to stay with her dad and she was now staying with her gran. The one that spoils her rotten and more or less praises her for this behaviour. I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall.