Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 2623 Gender: Not Specified
Posted: 24 February 2007 at 9:35pm | IP Logged
Lina, you are not a terrible mother...you are not well - please do take the advice of the lovely ladies on here and get some help from the doctors - the sooner you do this, the sooner you will start to feel better and begin to enjoy the experience of being a mum..it will happen, I know it will - you just need some help from the experts - there is no shame in it..honestly, you WILL feel better, I am very worried about you, please take care, Greedy, xxxx
Joined: 11 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 5919 Gender: Female
Posted: 24 February 2007 at 9:41pm | IP Logged
Lina I breastfed my daughter for 3 years and took antidepressants they won't harm her at all but they will help you through this rough patch. Motherhood is a bloody hard job to learn and most of us think when we get handed our little bundle it will just come naturally that is complete crap it doesn't. My eldest daughter is 18yrs old next month and I am still making mistakes and still doing things wrong. Your not a bad mother your a normal mother. As for people that feel they have a right to critiscise you ignore them it's very easy to feel smug when the baby doesn't cry for them, baby isn't crying for them because it's someone different not because it's not you. Your daughter needs you and your husband needs you. You can and will get through this with a little help.
Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 5855 Gender: Female
Posted: 24 February 2007 at 10:18pm | IP Logged
Lina, please please do talk to your doctor or whoever the health professionals are that look after new mums - I'm sorry, I don't know the ins and outs in America.
You are not on your own I promise you. Statistically between 1 in 5 and 1 in 10 mothers feel like this. If you think Madmums has 1700 members, thats between 170 and 340 of us - which is a hell of a lot of people.
You are NOT a bad mother. No No No No No. Do not believe that at all.
Please Lina, speak to someone very soon. They can and will help you. If you need anti depressents, there are so many available that there will be some that are suitable.
Joined: 23 February 2007 United Kingdom Posts: 81 Gender: Female
Posted: 24 February 2007 at 11:06pm | IP Logged
i know how u feel hun, my baby is 10 weeks old and all he does is cry al day long, and it gets me so down, i have stopped going out with mates, i hate answering the phone, i dont bother with my appaerance anymore and i hardly eat!
im lucky to get alot of help so hunni if ya hubby isnt bein much help and u feel so alone u should go to ya gp !
Joined: 09 December 2006 United Kingdom Posts: 1012 Gender: Female
Posted: 24 February 2007 at 11:18pm | IP Logged
Lina first of all your not a bad mum! A lot of new mums feel this way....labour and being a mum takes a lot out of you and its so easy to feel like a failure and people can be heartless and not think about what they r saying sometimes ya know! Your hubby might be havign a rough time also, adapting and maybe seeing lots of changees in you? Talk to him and go and see your doc/ or who ever is available (health visitor i dunno?) take care hun and chin up, hugsxx
Joined: 19 December 2006 United States Posts: 601 Gender: Female
Posted: 25 February 2007 at 2:12am | IP Logged
A day has gone by now. ive slept all day while she layed in my arms..that was the only way to even get a few minutes of quietness in today. She has now sensed the sun has gone down and its time to play....another sleepless night coming. Thank you all for your support and caring words. i think i should have some chocolates and other natural soothers til then...hmmm warm bubble bath for myself as well...im gonna indulge and give myself a treat and maybe cry some more to let out some more pain..but its all therapeutic....Ill make it through because i see proof of a great happy ending out there.
Joined: 17 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 4943 Gender: Female
Posted: 25 February 2007 at 8:05am | IP Logged
Lina, you are a strong lady and with the right help you'll come out of this the other end smiling.
Dont not let anyone make you feel like your a bad mother, because you are not. Babies pick up on stress easily and they can sense it.
When things used to get really bad with ds1, i'd wrap him up and put him in his pram and take him out, i'd walk around the block for a good hour with him crying before he finally settled and slept!
Sometimes a change in air and atmosphere is good for you both.
Keep that chin up high and remember your doing a fanastic job!
Joined: 11 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 3847 Gender: Female
Posted: 25 February 2007 at 11:46am | IP Logged
Aww hun, there isn't much I can say what others havn't. I've also been there myself, and you need to get help ASAP. Anti d's can help you a lot, it's not shameful to ask for them if you need them. They can take a few weeks to get into your system but believe me you'll feel better. You sound like you're a perfectly good mum who just needs a little help. No one will judge you.
Joined: 11 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 8521 Gender: Female
Posted: 25 February 2007 at 3:31pm | IP Logged
Awww Lina, if you lived nearer I feel we'd be round each others houses all day every day! One of the moms 'reminded' me when I had my 5th that the baby picks up on your stress so if you are stressed the baby will cry more, and he's now 7 months old, and I can tell by him when I'm not coping too well! I'm in agreement with all of the others you are definitely NOT a bad mother, I'm still making whopper mistakes with my eldest and he is nearly 16! I found the way to get through was to pick out one good moment in the day, and that may well have been how cute the baby looked even if he was smiling with wind! At least until you get anti d's and they have started to work. As for now, from your last post it sounds like you have definitely had some good time, even it was only for a short while. Hold on to the positive each time, and it will get better!
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