Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 2618 Gender: Not Specified
Posted: 23 June 2007 at 2:15pm | IP Logged
feel sick and terrified that I'm posting this but here goes..
I feel pants! I am not getting hardly any sleep at all (3-4 hours broken sleep a night sometimes) and I need a LOT of sleep - more than most I think..
I spend most of the day wishing it was bedtime but in the middle of the night, I just want it to be morning again so I don't have to be up numerous more times..I don't feel like I'm coping very well at all - I feel like I'm wading thru mud and I could quite easily just walk away from it all..I clock watch all day and feel anxious about how I'm going to fill the day...I feel like I want hannah to be older so I'll be able to cope better - and then I feel guilty for feeling like this because I really wanted kids and I know a lot of people would give anything for what I've got..and I know she'll only be tiny for such a short time that I should make the most of it..
me and DH are hardly bothering to speak to each other, we are not sharing a bed (Im in with Hannah) and we have no sex life at all, ..in fact quite often I want to punch him because he moans he is soooo tired because Ellie gets up early (he gets up with her)..he will get up with hannah if I ask him to but it's not worth the long face and moaning the next day..
I can get help with the girls and I've had 2 hours break this morning as my sister took them out but when they come back, I feel exactly the same again..
I've just re-read this and I know what the replies are going to be but I was wondering if a lot of it was sleep deprivation as when we have a good night, I do feel a 100% more positive about things? I haven't told a single person how I feel, I am so ashamed of myself..what the hell am I going to do?
Joined: 11 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 5845 Gender: Female
Posted: 23 June 2007 at 3:02pm | IP Logged
It could be either. Having no or little sleep we all know makes you feel awful and tearful and irrational, that's why they use it as a form of torture. Equally you could be depressed. Do you feel like yoiu might feel better if you got sleep because if you do then it may well just be sleep deprevation. How you manage to get more sleep I don't know you just have to find ways to cope. I know myself if Ols has been up in the night and not slept well then I have a hard day at work and feel totally horrid by the time the evening comes and very tearful. I guess the only way you are going to find out for sure is to get someone to have the girls so you can have 8 hours straight sleep. If you feel a lot better then that's your answer if you still feel desperate then you might want to consider you have pnd. Wishing the days away is quite normal when you are stuck at home with children all the time. I used to find in the night I would worry about how I would feel the next day then I couldn't get back to sleep because of that. What I do now is make sure there are no clocks around so I don't know how long I have been awake or how long I have to go until I have to get up.
Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 5852 Gender: Female
Posted: 23 June 2007 at 3:28pm | IP Logged
Honestly, hand on heart I think a hell of a lot of what you're feeling is down to sleep deprevation and although its easy for me to sit here and say this, its absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
Until you're in the situation of having a baby waking you up every 2, 3 or 4 hours to be fed, you can't appreciate the situation and although DH is in the house, he's not in the room with you and so he has no idea what you're going through. You're doing an amazing job, really you are. Hannah is doing so well and thats down to YOU.
Its like we said yesterday, when you look back, this phase didn't last long but when you're in it, it feels like a life time.
If you went to bed now and slept till 8am tomorrow morning, do you think you'd feel the same way? If not, then it sounds like sleep deprevation, if you would feel the same, then maybe there is more to it. Although people joke about the sleepless nights, its not funny by any stretch of the imagination and its still used as a form of torture - and you can see why!
When Ellie is in nursery, do you sleep when Hannah does? Would you give it a go - or at least lie down when she naps? I know that the gut instinct is to get something done like the washing or another housey job, but would you try it for a day or 2 - please?
Would your sister or your Mum do the night feeds for you - and you go in another room away from Hannah so that you could get some decent sleep?
Please please please don't beat yourself up for feeling like this as you are not doing anything wrong. Your girls are both lovely and you are a great mum. You're just very, very, very tired.
OK I'll shut up in a mo, but before I do, would you talk to DH and tell him how you're feeling? I'd put money on him not realising just how tired you are, and maybe you can work something out say where he does some night feeds on a friday night so that you can rest and then you do saturday so that he's not knackered for work?
Hang in there you. You're welcome to come here and lie on my sofa whilst I play with the girls. Massive hugs to you.
Joined: 11 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 5845 Gender: Female
Posted: 23 June 2007 at 5:19pm | IP Logged
I have been thinking about you today Greedy and I remember you getting exhausted with Ellie too. Didn't you purchase a pair of ear plugs so that you could get some sleep and not hear Ellie? Might be worth a try if dh or somebody will look after Hannah for the night.
Joined: 18 April 2007 Canada Posts: 290 Gender: Female
Posted: 23 June 2007 at 7:22pm | IP Logged
I don't know you like MumSam and Dizie do...but I think you should speak to your health visitor or doctor.
It really sounds like you are going through a tough time, and I found that when I was Post Natally depressed, lack of sleep contributed to this. I also put on a very "good social facade". This meaning, on the outside everything looked dandy i.e clean happy healthy children...but on the inside I was exhausted and beat myself up over every little thing. I never felt good enough....I now know that I was depressed. Tiredness took away my coping mechanisms.
So my advice for what it is worth...is air on the side of caution and mention it to your doctor...at the very least you will be able to have a good chat.
Joined: 13 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 8357 Gender: Female
Posted: 23 June 2007 at 7:48pm | IP Logged
It all just comes flooding back when I hear you talk like that. As Dizie said when you look back the sleepless phase hardly lasted long but at the time it was awful. I remember you, dizie and me having a post on here about getting the babies to sleep through.
I stopped night feeds at 8.5months with controlled crying. Looking back I could have done it earlier. However Hannah is still young. Are you still bfing? Will she take a bottle? If so can your mum, sister, friend, anyone take her for a night so she is out of the house and you can sleep.
I think talking it through with DH is really important. Me and dp were the same as you until I explained how tough I was having it, then he helped more and it made it easier. It made it easier just knowing I could bury my head in his chest if I needed to block it all out and he'd understand. You need to make time for each other and a night out (all be it an early one) would do you the world of good. Dont worry about the sex, that'll come back later, but just talk!
A trip to the gp might be a good idea just to have a chat and see what she thinks, they might have an idea you could try.
Also I'm sure you've read it but Dizie wrote an article on sleep deprivation here have a read!
It will get easier Greeds - Just focus on yourself! When it gets tough watch your girls sleeping and how peaceful and beautiful they look and remember that is all down to you!
Joined: 11 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 8479 Gender: Female
Posted: 23 June 2007 at 7:54pm | IP Logged
It's amazing how sleep deprivation can affect you Greedy. Are you one like Dizie who can't sleep during the day? I was just wondering if anyone could come round during the day for you while you catch a few extra hours where possible. My mom came up here and she looked after Fred and Winston, and would bring Winston up at feed times and only feed times just for a couple of days so that I could catch up on whatever rest I needed, and then I was more able to cope with everything. Grabbing a couple of hours may not seem like much but with the moaning dh and sex life(well lack of it) it could well have been me after each of the last 4! Hope you manage to get some rest soon.
Joined: 01 June 2006 Ireland Posts: 1625 Gender: Female
Posted: 24 June 2007 at 12:05am | IP Logged
Didn't you purchase a pair of ear plugs so that you could get some sleep and not hear Ellie? Might be worth a try if dh or somebody will look after Hannah for the night.[/QUOTE]
I did this with Rachel....I had no choice, I needed to get some rest and even if she moaned I would be out of the bed looking in at her, Dh was always in the house when I did this.
I really do hope that it gets easier for you !!
How old is hannah now ?
If you are in any douth go to your Gp because only you know how you relly feel.
I left it and left it and was diagnosed with mild pnd when rachel was 11 months, it was mild but enough to make me feel crap.
I have told dh that if we have another lo that i was an ao-pare (not sure if that is spelled right). would you consider getting one to help out ?
Having two kids is very very work. Good luck and I hope you get loads of sleep.
Joined: 17 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 3687 Gender: Female
Posted: 24 June 2007 at 9:00am | IP Logged
Greeds- I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Having no sleep is sooooooo sooooo awful, will Hannah take a wee dummy to help comfort her a bit during the night? I used to try and feed my 2 every 3-3.5 hours during the day, waking them up for a feed if I had to, as that way they had their one longer spell of not feeding during the night.
Just try and leave things that don't need to be done and get some sleep, or even a rest at every opportunity you can. I'm saying that, but we've all been there, as soon as we get the chance we try and get some order in to the chaos a new baby brings, but this stage won't last forever and the house work will always be there.
I was a bit teary the other day talking to my mum about trying to cope (if all goes well) with my two wee ones as well as new twins. My mum said that before she knew it I was in my 30's, and she wishes she could rewind and remember how I was when I was tiny.
This will pass and you will feel better in time, and if you need to go to the GP to get a wee bit of help then go. Tell everyone how you're feeling too, don't just smile and say you're fine.
As for that hubby of yours, I have one exactly the same. Infact , he at the moment has all the symptoms of twin pregnancy and is so tired and sick. If he doesn't buck his ideas up soon, in the words of Taggart, "There's gonna be a murrrder." I've been up since 6.30 painting the living room- he started it two weeks ago and it's been sitting half done. Men, grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Sorry for the rant, it's just you're not alone with this one, take care and keep us updated,
Joined: 26 June 2007 Australia Posts: 4 Gender: Not Specified
Posted: 26 June 2007 at 1:25pm | IP Logged
Hi there, well this is my first post here and let me say, you're pretty much describing my life too!!!
I've got a 2.5 yr old who still wakes at least once a night and comes into our bed, hubby then goes to the couch. and I have a 9mth old who also wakes at night. it has improved greatly in the last 2 mths, I used to be up ever 2-3 hrs at least.
I've been finding I suffer extreme anxiety and now depression, I'm on Anti depressants and seeing a councellor but still have rough patches. In a big one at the moment.
I would honestly speak to a health professional and get some advice. and also see if you can get more assistance with getting Hannah to sleep. I know it's easier said than done I've been putting it off.
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Topic: is this PND or am I just sleep deprived?
