Health Forums

Posted: 22 September 2005 at 5:03pm | IP Logged

I have decided i am going to make an appointment to see my gp asap.  When i was pregnant with lo i had days when i was really down an didn't no why.  I thought it was down to being stuck indoors in agony with spd as it got very bad.  Since having lo i still can not shake this feeling of being down.  I feel tiered all the time and very snappy with dh.  Most nights i fall asleep after a big cry.  I was unable to breast feed lo and feel like a total failure its a horrible feeling.  I also was in hospital for a week a didn't see lo the whole time i was there and i feel as though i abandened her.  I keep telling my self that i am being stupid but i can't shift.  I feel like i am not myself to everyone i am a bubbly happy person,  When i am on my own i just wanna cry i feel so strange.  I pm dizie after reading her excellent article and i am going to take her advice and speak to my gp.  I am going to talk to dh about it too.  Some days i feel fine but others i hate my self.

Sorry girls but i just feel like i can talk to u all and u wont jusge me

Posted: 22 September 2005 at 5:24pm | IP Logged

aw, youre not the only one, there are lots of mummies feeling like that-its a good idea to go and see your gp and def tell your dp how youre feeling

big hugs xx

Posted: 22 September 2005 at 5:34pm | IP Logged

Stac I know how you feel!

I have suffered from depression on and off since I was 17. I also have watched my mum go through it. I know how lonely it can feel as know one can truely understand what you are going through, especially those who have never had depression before.

My mums depression got to the point where she attempted to take her own life. I found her and saved her life. She was in intensive care for a week before she pulled through and in hospital for another 3 weeks. I started getting flashbacks and was diagnosed with PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder) which developed into depression. I went to uni but had to drop out as I couldnt cope and have gone through stages where I get panic attacks and cant sleep or eat for days (often when dp is away).

I stopped my anti depressents when I fell pregnant and although I was monitored throughout my pregnancy I felt fine. Although I'm not back on anti depressents I do still have bad days. I understand what you mean about lo as I had to have an emergancy c section as I had SPD and needed morphine for the pain, I blame myself that I didnt handle the pain better so Ed could have stayed in til he was ready but I know this is irrational as I suffered in silence for a long time before I was addmitted to hospital. I now cant watch programs where women have natural births as it upsets me that I missed out on that experience. Thankfully I have managed to stay on top of these feeling.

I'm telling you this so you know you are not alone. Noone is going to judge you, depression is an illness, you cant help having it and you cant 'pull yourself together' as some people suggest. See your GP and get some help. Remember you are a fantastic mum with a beautiful little girl!

PM me if you ever want to talk.

Take care hunny and good luck with the GP.

HUGS xxxxx

Posted: 22 September 2005 at 5:39pm | IP Logged

aw greedy glad youre getting help too

big hugs

Posted: 22 September 2005 at 6:38pm | IP Logged

Depression of any sort is really hard to cope with as part of the illness makes you feel alone and isolated.  PND is especially hard as most of the time you are isolated with a little person who is demanding and draining.

No one has anything to feel ashamed or guilty about.  Everyone has done the best they could in the circumstances to support their babies and themselves.

Stac it's good that you have decided to go to the gp and get some help.  Sometimes just to admit that you are feeling really low to another person can feel such a relief.  It's also good to have a cry now and then and let your emotions out.  Try and make sure that you eat and drink to keep your energy up as everything feels worse when you are tired and if you are not eating enough to keep your energy levels up.

Madz you are doing wonderfully and little Eddie is a credit to you.  You cope on your own a lot of the time and I think you should be really chuffed with yourself.  You have had a lot to cope with.

Greedy, glad that you are going to go to the gp as well as you have said you have been feeling a bit down on and off for a while now.  Not a surprise you are feeling down on the little sleep you manage to get.  I know that feeling of panic at 3am in the morning when you have just got up for the 5th time....  I think breastfeeding as well makes you physically tired and takes a lot out of your body so you are doing brilliantly.

So glad Dizie wrote her article and people took the time to read it.

If I was a soppy cow I would do a group hug

Posted: 22 September 2005 at 6:50pm | IP Logged

aww thanx girls i am  sitting here reading all ur posts in tears xxx

I hope u start to feel better soon greedyand let us know how u get on

i just wanna say a big thank u to all u girls ur all great and great mummies xxx

i would be lost without u lot

Posted: 22 September 2005 at 7:20pm | IP Logged

Stac - you're def doing the right thing. The hardest part really is realising that theres a problem.

All through my pregnancy, not one person mentioned PND to me. Not in the antenatal classes or my midwife checks. I found out last week that I was on their "high risk" regisiter cos I have a history of depression and the health visitor just hadn't got round to checking!! Ella's 5 months old!

I promise you, you will start to feel better. I cannot believe how different I feel now! There really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And to be totally honest, this site has been a great support to me. Since having Ella, I've really found out who my friends are and certain so-called mates don't want to know. You lot on here have really lifted me when I've been at my lowest and I genuinely appreciate the suport and concern that you've shown me.

Greedy, big hugs to you - like I said, when our kids sleep, we're going out for a party - MumSam - you come too!!!

Let us know how you get on.

Come on Sam - group hugs!!!!!

Posted: 22 September 2005 at 10:58pm | IP Logged

I have also suffered different spates of depression over the past 7 years..I have highs and lows I do find it hard to talk about, but I understand it has to be sorted.

I'm getting there but this week seemed a bit of a blow especialy after Monday. But i keep telling myself it not that bad.

HelenC