Health Forums

Posted: 03 February 2007 at 6:53am | IP Logged

It's been a week since i have delivered my daughter. She is so precious i know in my heart but i cant feel the joy that i should having her here, but yet i cant see my life without her here. i have been waiting almost nine months for her arrival. I feel so aweful. For the short times when she smiles, i smile, but all other times, i feel as if there was no other purpose that i lie in bed with pain within my body.

I think i realized that im getting depressed the very first day that i returned home from delivering my baby. I was overwhelmed with all the people that made visits with their opinions on what i should and shouldnt do...i started to cry and couldnt stop crying, even during my sleep that night. From that time til today, I still cry throughout the day but can feel suddenly fine the next minute. Ive been depressed on and off to different degrees since i was 12. My husband doesnt feel its necessary to seek medications since i would get over it, he says. But i do feel he is making the time pass by more quickly while im at home.

Today, i have hit the wall. I have rejected everyone to come in to see me. I have rejected my parents without control. I feel an aweful feeling that it is my fault but i couldnt stop myself from crying and saying the words i regret. Im troubled now. i hope this will wear off eventually.

Posted: 03 February 2007 at 8:32am | IP Logged

Lina, huge hugs to you and my heart goes out to you hunny.  Your hormones are still all over the place, but I do, as many other madmums do too, understand what you are going through.  I had PND and just hoped it would go away, but I realised that it wasnt that simple and went and sought help.

There has always been a debate on whether this is just 'baby blues' or in fact the start of PND.  Either way, you need to speak to someone, whether it is your midwife or your doctor, that is if the midwife still visits - I dont know how that works in the US.

I know that most of us arent here when you are, which is really really annoying, but if you need to talk to someone please just grab one of us - we are happy to help, or drop us a pm.  One thing, Lina - you are not alone here, we all care hunny. xxxxxxxx  Hope you feel better soon xxxxxxxxx

Posted: 03 February 2007 at 9:39am | IP Logged

Lina, firstly I just want to say well done for being able to say how you are feeling. Many many mothers feel like this and yet not everyone will admit it.

I promise you that you are not on your own here. The baby blues affects nearly every mother to some degree, and in between 1 in 5 and 1 in 10 mothers then go on to experience post natal depression. I can totally relate to how you are feeling and just want to tell you that this is nothing that you have done wrong.

Like Funchick has said, the 1st step is to speak to someone, your doctor, midwife etc. It may be baby blues or it may be the begining of PND but either way, don't suffer in silence.

Without blowing my own trumpet, I wrote an article on here about PND - click HERE to read it. It gives the symptoms and a bit about my experience and diagnosis.

Here is another link to the Association for Post Natal Illness. This particular page gives some advice for partners and carers. My DH didn't understand what was going on with me and this page was really useful for him.

Practically, try and have sometime for yourself, DH and Kaitlyn. With the best will in the world, everyone else can wait. You have gone through the most life changing experience imagninable and you need to recover both physically and mentally and you need time to get to know each other. Sometimes you have to be hard on relatives and friends and they'll just have to wait. Your recovery is whats important.

Take care, please please do let us know how you're doing and if you want to PM me for a rant or whatever, please please do.

Massive hugs 

Posted: 03 February 2007 at 10:13am | IP Logged

Lina first let me send you huge hugs!!!

Then I want to assure you you are not alone!!!

I remember when Edward was a couple of days old and I was still in hospital  loads of people had come to see me and I went to the loo and a midwife stopped me and asked if I was ok and I just burst into tears. From then I limited visiters and downright turned people away if I wasnt up to it. DP helped explain I wasnt up to visiters, my prioirty was bonding with my baby.

Going home is hard because no amount of preperation prepares you for having total responsibility for a newborn. My biggest piece of advice is to ignore other peoples advice and critisims. You are Kaitlyns mum and you will do the best for her!

I too have suffered from depression most of my adult life so I was expecting PND but it didnt happen. I think because of the support I had. But you need to speak to your gp or midwife so they are aware how you are feeling. PND, more than any other depression, is due to chemical imbalances in the brain so medication can really help.

Give your body chance to recover, you had a difficult pregnancy and childbirth is a huge strain for your body. Rest as much as possible (your health is more important than the housework!), get help where you can, and spend time bonding with your beautiful girl. Breastfeeding will help with the bonding process.

We;re all here for you lina! TC and huge hugs! xxx

Posted: 03 February 2007 at 11:05am | IP Logged

  huge (((hugs))) to you lina,

like the girls said you should seek advice from your gp, midwife or hv,

i remember having chester and everyone coming to visit i use to give her to someone to hold so they could give her her feed then once everyone had gone i remember saying to myself what am i suppose to do with this thing,

i cried non stop for 4 months after having her but that is only when i was alone i put a brave face on to the rest of the world,

this is the first time i have told anyone about how i felt.

if there is anything i can do or you need someone to talk to you can pm me.

luv bev

Posted: 03 February 2007 at 11:09am | IP Logged

Oh Lina I know what you are going through. You are able to speak about it which is a good thing. When I had my last baby Jaden I had an awful labour only to find out afterwards that he was deaf in one ear and a malformed ear. This was a total shock and I didn't get over this and it made me so depressed. I even stayed away from madmums for months (I wish I didn't do that I needed the support really). To make matters worse I didn't want to tell anyone cos I felt ashamed to be depressed even though I had a healthy baby. I know now that I should have seeked help and I will do that if it happens again this time.

Lots of mothers are down after the birth cos of drop in hormaones and the huge responsibilty that you suddenly have. We are all here to listen to you and help you as best we can. Just remember you are not alone (even though it feels like it sometimes), seek help from GP definitely.

crys xxx

Posted: 03 February 2007 at 1:11pm | IP Logged

AWwww Lina, you aren't alone in feeling like this sweetheart. You should go and speak to someone as soon as you can because it wont get better bottling it all up.

Please don't feel guilty in your feelings just now, you are a wonderful mummy and you will get through this.

Posted: 03 February 2007 at 1:43pm | IP Logged

Lina, I hope that all these comments have made you realise that you are not a bad person for feeling this way!

Nothing, but nothing, can prepare you for the shock of having a baby. No matter how much you want a baby, and how excited you are when they arrive, it is a huge physical, emotional and practical shock. Your body has been through the biggest change, and your hormones are all over the place. It's perfectly possible to be besotted with your baby, but still sleep deprived, hormonal, and low.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I'm certain that your parents will recognise that you're in a tough time at the moment, your mum will probably remember it herself from when you were born, because it really, truly, does happen to almost everyone.

I was so awful after my eldest was born, that my husband actually asked me if I wanted him to leave, as I took it all out on him. Whether it is the baby blues, or if you are becoming depressed, you must believe that you have done nothing wrong, and you will get over this. But you must talk to your health visitor, midwife or doctor and get yourself some support.

Big hugs Lina, from us all.

Posted: 03 February 2007 at 3:58pm | IP Logged

Aw Lina, hunni - we are all here for you and as you can see from the threads that have been posted, how you are feeling is not so unusual.. Not everyone gets to live the 'fantasy' and has a perfect pregnancy followed by the perfect birth, perfect baby and perfect life..

What you have gone through really is the most life changing experience imaginable and your hormones are still all over the place!! and they will be for a while! The most important thing for you just now is that you take time for you, baby Kaitlyn and dh - they are your priorities (and you are theirs) - not your parents, friends, housework etc etc - they can all wait!

It is so good that you have recognised the problem and you are talking about it, well done!! I didn't pluck up the courage until my little one was 6months old as I kept thinking that it'll 'just go away'.. It didn't, and had I saught help earlier, I might have been well on the road to recovery instead of taking the first tentative steps!

You really need to speak to someone, either your doctor, health vistior (I don't know what support services you get over there after having a baby) midwife, whoever - in fact, they might have recognised it already and they really will understand, like I said earlier (and as the posts on here show) it's really not that unusual - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! (Especially not while we're all here!!).. 

As far as vistors are concerned, I know they mean well, but can you just get DH to explain that you are tired just now and you need time together as a family? I know they are all really keen to see the little one so you could maybe set up a website showing up to date photos etc and that might help keep them at bay while you get used to this new (& challenging) period of your life.. I would also suggest that you keep a diary and try to be as honest as you can in it, sometimes just writing down your innermost thoughts & feelings really can help, and you might even start to see a pattern..

Huge, huge hugs honey - you will get through this, and we will hold your hand every step of the way!

Posted: 03 February 2007 at 4:35pm | IP Logged

aw Lina, like everyone else has said, you are not alone!  You mustn't bottle all this up inside..it's only been a week, that is no time at all to get to grips with the massive change that's just been made to your life!

When we brought Ellie home 4 days after I had her, my DH made me some tea but I just sat and cried and cried on the sofa..I kept doing this for a few days on and off..I found it all so overwhelming, I even asked the mw if I could stay in hospital an extra night when she told me I could go home..and I was only half-joking!  I didn't end up with PND (I don't think) but there were times when I felt very low and isolated..I would go to the local shopping mall for a walk round with the pram just to get out of the house and then I would feel very guilty for counting the hours until my husband got home because I thought I would be feeling full of joy at being home with my baby when in fact I felt scared and bored quite a lot of the time..

We're all here for you, do take care of yourself and talk to someone about it if you can..Greedy, xx