Health Forums

Posted: 25 June 2008 at 1:07pm | IP Logged

tell her she has to go to the police,the repercussions will be nothing compared to the opain she will go through for the rest of her life if she does nothing,the police will offer protection for her and do all they can to help,if you know what this couple are like the chances are so will many others,she will have support.

the longer she leaves it the harder it will be and the more his chances of getting away with it increase....

pls let us know what happens xxx

Posted: 25 June 2008 at 1:56pm | IP Logged

she really does need to go to police, make an appointment at the docs as well, she could ask for counselling and they  may be able to reassure her. If the marks are still there they will be evidence against this person.

She could try phoning a rape crisis helpline, i agree the longer sh leaves it the harder it will be...

please let us know how you get on x

X x

Posted: 25 June 2008 at 2:42pm | IP Logged

The telephone number for Refuge and Women's Aid Hotline is 0808 2000 247

If she cannot phone the police phone these.

It is important the crime is reported. Trust me I worry that an ex of mine got off scott free because I did not have the confidence to report it at the time. I did report it when I had the confidence to leave the relationship but that took 6 years and my current partner who was then just a close friend.

Posted: 25 June 2008 at 5:24pm | IP Logged

I know the area, and can completely understand her concerns about the reprocusions. It is important that she reports it though, maybe contact Victim Support (across the road from Bury Grammer, next to solicitors) she does also need to see a doctor. She needs to check there is no damage, and no infection passed. Ideally she'd be able to go to the police, although Victim Support will help with that, and the council may also consider emergancy rehousing. Try to explain to her that there are special officers for this type of crime and she will be dealt with discretely and with dignity. The longer she leaves it the harder it is to get evidence. Hopefully its not too late, but also tell her not to wash her clothing that she was wearing.

Posted: 25 June 2008 at 5:32pm | IP Logged

No other advice. If she is too scared  to  report the incident to the police...could she at least go to ( as M2J said) to a Victims support. At the very least the incident will be recorded/ she will be medically checked out and she will be given the support that she needs.

Can I also add...that I think it is very nice of you to help and care as much as you do. Best of luck  to both of you

Posted: 25 June 2008 at 8:00pm | IP Logged

Mate its a tough one.

End of the day...sounds like she was drugged with the date rape stuff.  Unfortunately that stuff is hard to trace as its out your system within hours. 

NOBODY should be made to go to the police, if they cant face it.  There isnt a lot that you can say.  All you can do, is sit, listen and hold her when necessary. 

She may be able to face the police in a few days, but right now its probably to harsh to even bear.  If you can get her to take photos of herself, get her to do it.  So at least then, when she is strong enough to go to the police she has something to show, rather than her word against his.

Rape is never an easy thing to deal with as a supportive friend, or as someone going through it.  I would say, if she cant face the police...to maybe go see the gp and have relevent tests done...theres a lot nastier things out there than rape.

At the moment her world is crumbled round her, the wall she had built up, that we all have to protect ourselves is completely knocked down, she needs to build a little lean-to before she can recover enough to do what she will choose to do in t end. 

If she does decide to go to the police, they will be fantastic with her.  They wont judge, they have fully trained officers that know their stuff.  They will help her in all the ways that they can...but mentally itll take a long time to recover.

Posted: 25 June 2008 at 8:43pm | IP Logged

There are organisations that can help her:

• Rape Crisis
• Victim Support
• Police - there are dedicated Officers trained to deal with sexual offences
• Doctors/GP
• Samaritans
• Local Counselling Services

How awful for the lady.  I hope she gets the help she needs.

I kind of see why she wouldn't report it but then again it angers me that this man has free rein to do it again.

Even if there isn't enough evidence to prosecute it could still save a potential other victim from being raped or possibly murdered.  Just food for thought.

Zo xx