Health Forums

Posted: 18 May 2007 at 11:58am | IP Logged

as the topic has suggested..i want out, i dont want this life anymore. its not worth it.

today i received a letter telling me that my benefits are stopping, and i will have to pay my rent and CT as i am "able to look for work" truth is, and i have social services backing, i am probably the worst person to get a job right now, the problems i have make me tired all the time, i ache all over and my shoulders burn all day everyday

just so you know what i live with, put your arm across your body and put four fingerson your shoulder close to your neck, and squeeze with your thumb at the front, quite hard until it hurts slightly. that is what i live with every day of my life.

i will have no money, i cant get a job let alone keep one. and daniel is coming out soon, i just never thought life would be so hard and im not ready for it all.

my kids deserve better than this, and i mean a lot better, who wants a mum who cant work, cant even run about with them, what good am i to anyone?

i hate myself i have failed my family, i have failed my kids and i cant live with that.

Posted: 18 May 2007 at 12:11pm | IP Logged

SAM YOU HAVE NOT FAILED!

Your children have a mummy who loves them so much she hurts to see them without the best. But they have the best because they have parents who love them. That is so much more than many children. Both your children and amazing, clever and bright and happy and bouncy. Thats because of you!

Now make an appt with your GP first and discuss how you are feeling. Are you on Anti ds? If so you need them increased. You need to contact SS and tell them it isnt possible for you to work and you need benifits. You need to write to your local papers and MP telling them about Daniel and how much you have had to go through. Dont stop til you get heard!

I wish I could take this away from you. Its so hard to watch you go through it. You need to battle this until you win. It will get better I promise!

I wish I could say more! HUGS!

Posted: 18 May 2007 at 1:12pm | IP Logged

sam,i just dont know what to say other than it upsets me so much to hear you talking like that,you may not realise it but you are such a valued member of this site,you have helped me and so many others with your kind words and advice,i always notice when your not around etc ,you mean so much to all ov us on here so i can only begin to imagine what you are worth to your children and family,you are a fab mum. dont blame yourself for the downfalls of the benefits system,it does all seem tough right now but i promise you they cant just let you live off nothing,shout and scream till someone listens to you hunny!!

pls dont give up,thinking about you xxxx

Posted: 18 May 2007 at 1:26pm | IP Logged

Sam hunni, you're anything but a failure!!

The most important things to all kids is that they have parents who love them, and yours have that in abundance... All the extra 'things' in life are nice but they're by no means essential!!

The first thing I'd do, is take a deep breath and have a cuppa - cry if you want to, in fact I'll cry with you hun . 

It's horrible when life isn't how we want it, especially when our healths a major factor and we feel totally inadequate as a result, but like I said, we love our kids and we're here for them and that's what truly important. 

You need to get onto the DSS and find out what the heck they're talking about!!!  It's probably a standard letter that "the computer did on it's own" (I meant no-one operates it do they??) and it's aim is to get the scroungers off their lazy a***es and into work.. unfortunately, they don't take into account how upsetting and stressful they can be to someone who's genuinely unable to work and who's already struggling..  Join one of those advisory centres too, either the walk-in ones or theres a really good one online at: http://www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/.  They will help with what you are due etc etc.  Have you ever claimed DLA hun? you might even be due that, again this website will help, I found them fantastic for information and tips and I get DLA at the high rate for mobility and care.. and it's now an 'indefinite' awrd so I don;t have to keep applying.  If you get awarded anything, it will help with Income Support (it has disability element) tax credits (again it has a disability 'bonus') etc etc.. They'll keep you right though hun and if you need any help with the forms etc I'm more than willing to help..

You can get through this hun, one small at a time and we'll all be here to hold your hand every step of the way.. sod the social!!!

Like Madx said too, I'd go to see your GP and talk things through with him/her.. You might need anti-d's (or need them changed or increased) but,, if nothing else, it will certainly help your case with the DSS, especially as you can get DLA on mental health grounds (ie: depression.  Admittedly, it harder to get on MH grounds but again that website will help there)..

Going back to work will not help you or your situation hun, if anything it will only make it worse and your health will suffer even more as a result.. you need this time to get better and deal with all the other things going on in your life so please get the help you need, and if need be - SHOUT!! 

Posted: 18 May 2007 at 1:42pm | IP Logged

I put my claim for DLA in a few days ago after being refused first time, it will take ages they have to write to my gp and specialists. i noted my MH on there and all my many meds...i was told i cant have a higher dose of anti d as they will certainly clash with the meds that keep me goin. They did that before and it turned out it was extremely dangerous and put me in a very very dangerous situation with BP that was close to stroke range, not to mention the perma-stoned effect it had on me, the gp couldnt get a clear word out of me.

I was on income support, and thats what they have stopped, which has stopped my Housin benefit and CT benefit, im now in arrears with both, and as we have already got a notice for seeking posession on the house, it wont take much to give us the heave ho...and andy has already been took to court over the council tax arrears, next step...prison...

I had to have a loan off my bank, it was to pay off my CC and overdraft as they were out of control, that went in yesterday so i have £70 to my name now, but how am i meant to make repayments? I have no income, beside the child tax credits and child benefit.

its all gone wrong, they have officially ruined my life. The CAB are useless, they made andy apply to become bankrupt which i regret deeply..and they didnt know where we stood on benefits last time we went there.

I just feel that the whole world wants me gone, and i want to help them now.

All i've done is cry today, and i cant get hold of my psychiatrist, my gp is full for today, and my rheumatologist office is closed til monday. I know my head is at a really bad place right now, and i know i can do it, i would be better off being the one locked away for CT arrears, at least then i wont have to face the world...

Thank you all for the kind words

Posted: 18 May 2007 at 2:14pm | IP Logged

I rarely read threads on the site believe it or not, but seeing the topic title and the fact it was in the Mental Health and Depression Forum got me worried and I came to look.

Sam I am really sorry to see you in this situation and as it has already been said you are an asset to Madmums, if there is anything at all you can think of that Madmums can do as a group/organisation, then please say.

Posted: 18 May 2007 at 2:56pm | IP Logged

Bug, I don't really know what to say but didn't want to ignore this thread...

you love your kids and so they are very lucky to have you for a mum so please don't think that you are useless..and you have a lot of friends on this site and so you do mean a lot to a lot of people..!

I hope you manage to get sorted out with your benefits soon, Greedy, xx