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Posted: 17 July 2007 at 8:55am | IP Logged

I don't know what's been wrong with me the last view days and today is really bad. I don't think it's PND I'm sure it's the pill I'm taking (I can't take the one I would usually take because I'm bf).

I'm am really really tense and have very little patience at the moment. I have just put Cerys into her bedroom for a few minutes because (and I feel really bad for saying this) but she has been winding me up all morning and it's only 9.30. She has hit that age where she ignores me and seems to be going out of her way to cause mayhem. I have put her in her room after her throwing fish food over the floor, which was out of her reach until she discovered this morning that she could stand on one of the dining room chairs and reach it, (dining room chair is about 1 foot away from the shelf the fish food it on) whilst I was making her breakfast. She then decided to just pull things off shelves etc and the final straw was that she went upstairs grabbed a small box that was the landing with a plastic trophy in which I had asked DH to put into the attic for me. I had followed her up the stairs and she was just opening the box, I asked her to put it down and she threw it at me. It's my own fault though it shouldn't have been where she could get it. She threw stuff at me yesterday and I sat her on the naughty step for two minutes, which had been working. She did cry when I first put her in her room but she is now playing quietly.

The dog is also annoying me as he is trying to pick up Seren's toys to take out into the garden, something he hasn't done since he was a tiny pup with CJ's toys.

I'm sure that things are worse because they are picking up on my tension (hence the reason I have put CJ in her room so I can try to calm down and start the day a fresh).

What hasn't helped and I am feeling really really really guilty about this and I don't know why I did it but DH has left some cigarettes here and so I had one. I am really angry with  myself because it has been ages since I had a ciggy and I'm bf Seren. She had been fed just before I had one so at least I won't have to feed her straight away, not that it makes much difference . What are the dangers of smoking and BF as I'm feeling really really bad about this.

I know that it isn't helping that my step daughter arrives on Friday and I always get a little tense before she arrives because the first few days are very difficult and then things get easier and we have a great time. However, if DH has trouble with the first few days he just goes out for a couple of hours somewhere, usually with the excuse that he has been called into work for something, but that is a whole different story.

The pill I'm taking is called Cerazette (or something similar to that) it's the only mini pill that has a 12 hour window. I noticed about 10 days ago I was starting to get a little bit wound up about little things (which is normal for me just before my period). I then had all the symptoms of a period but no bleeding. The Dr has told me that this pill can stop periods altogether but not to worry about it as it shows that it's being effective. The problem is the tension isn't passing but seeming to get worse (as explained above) and the last time I had something similar to this was when I had the injection years ago and as I was due for th second one I became very snappy and I hated myself. I'm going to speak to DH about staying off the pill for about a month and see if it makes any difference, although he won't be happy about it as he refuses to use condoms (sorry tmi) and I'm going to be really scared about getting pg as I can't afford to so soon after everything that happened during the birth with Seren.

Sorry this is so long. Right I'm going to take a deep breath now and go upstairs and start again with Cerys.

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 9:05am | IP Logged

Hey,

Sorry to hear you're stressed.  Kiddies love to wind Mummys up.  It's better you put her in her room to give her a little time to think and a little time to regain strength.  Don't feel guilty about it.

I hope your day continues to get better.  Why not suggest to Cerys if she's a good girl, after lunchtime you'll do something special together like play with a ball or paint?  Bribary!  hehe

I was on Cerazette too after having Travis, but I'm not sure if things changed with my emotions, I put everything down to having a new baby lol.  Take care and if you get like this when dhs in express milk, go for a drive and have a rest like he does!

Take care , x

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 9:20am | IP Logged

hiya hun...

dont feel bad at all stuff like that gets to people at times,we cant have the patience of saints 24/7 can we,life and kids take there tolls on you and it is hard,i was the same as you have described on my injection and am now on the new patch which has been the best thing ive ever tried,even going through a seperation i feel great,lol

you clearly know that your out of character right now and are not happy with your behaviour so i would deff suggest talking to your gp about your contraception options....if you feel staying off the pill for a while will help you then you should deff do it,if it is effecting your body and not right for you right now then you have to,if dp is not happy about this then he'l have to just go without sex wont he for a while,why should it just have to be you feeling crap on the pill in order for him to be happy having sex,wearing a condom will hardly effect his daily life will it,lol

hope yr feeling better soon chick....

xxxx

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 9:35am | IP Logged

Don't feel bad - you are doing the hardest job there is - only natural that things can sometimes get on top of you. You did the best thing putting her in her room - gives you both time to calm down! Don't beat yourself up about the cigarette either.

I'm on Cerazette too - and usually go about 3 months without a period, then (annoyingly) bleed on and off for about a month! The 3 months are great without, so at moment I'm suffering the 3 or 4 weeks of spotting etc, but am considering another form of contraception instead. I haven't found it affects my moods particularly - it agrees with me more than comb. pill as this used to give me migraines - but definitely speak to your GP if you aren't happy on it.

Hope your day gets better.xxx

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 9:52am | IP Logged

sorry to hear you're not feeling great..if it helps any I'm not either..had a v bad afternoon yest and really shouted at ellie for something silly and felt guilty all night long..cj sounds exactly like ellie too!  I'm worried I've got pnd - something's not right anyway - so am seeing doc tomorrow..

I would def see the doc about your pill, maybe there is another one you can take?   your dh should think himself lucky, making yourself feel like *e just because he won't wear a little piece of rubber!!  and that he's even getting any jiggy, where do you get your energy?!

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 10:26am | IP Logged

Thank you for your messages.  I have calmed down now. I did a search on the internet about smoking and breastfeeding and I feel a bit better about it because they do say that if you smoke you can still breastfeed and as I've only had one I can't see it's going to do any harm... I'll have to feed her in a minute so it will have been about 2 hours since I won't be doing it again though I will remember that guilt for a long time so at least that's one thing.

In the meantime CJ ended up in her room longer than planned because the dog threw up all over the carpet. When I went to to CJ again she had stripped her bed totally all her toys were all over the floor etc although that doesn't bother me because it's a contained mess if that makes sense and won't take long to clear up. However, she is being potty trained at the moment but I had put a pull up on her just to give me a few minutes as she hadn't been yet this morning and the pull up leaked all over her mattress so I have just cleaned that up as well. She's now sitting on her potty watching TV, so all my plans so far this morning have gone to pot but that's just part and parcel today I think. 

Seren is supposed to have her second injection today so I will make an appointment with the dr for me tomorrow I think which will give me a chance to talk to DH tonight as well. And on the way back from the Dr's think I will stop at the shop and stock up on Chocolate.

The only calm member of this house this morning has been Seren she has just sat in the bouncy chair either asleep or with a great big smile on her face, it's when you see a beaming baby face like that that it reminds you why we do all of this in the first place :-)

I have decided one thing though, I'm going to get a trampoline this week and say that although it's very early it's part of Sian, CJ and Seren's christmas present - although Seren won't be able to go on it until next summer realistically. At least then if the weather is lovely and CJ needs to burn off the energy I can sit in the garden and let her bounce it out - as she did on the bed this morning. DH has been on about it for months and I have always said no but we won't see Sian this Christmas so we might as well do something... better search for the credit card LOL.

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 2:07pm | IP Logged

Its no wonder you're feeling bad! What a busy house! Hope you get something sorted with gp soon.

lol mamma re: condom or no sex. true!

Greeds: at least you have the excuse of new baby for no sex! My dh is lucky if he gets it once a month and our ds is nearly 3!

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 3:37pm | IP Logged

condom or no sex....cripes thats my only choice lol.  If he doesnt like it, then he doesnt get it...simple really lol.

If the pill isnt working for you go back and see your gp, there are other ones you can take while you are still bfding chica.

Chin up and eat chocolate lol

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 4:39pm | IP Logged

Thanks. I didn't get to make my appointment in the end so will have a chat to DH tonight and try and get an appointment this week.

The reason I didn't get to my appointment is because before I left for Seren's jab she was sick and I phoned to speak to the nurse to decide whether or not I should give her the jab. It was decided that I should just turn up for the appointment  and speak to them there. So I gave Seren a feed and put her into the carseat, which she then threw up all over. I phoned and cancelled the appointment and made an appointment with the nurse for this afternoon which ended up in with the dr's.

Seren had suddenly become very pale and wasn't keeping a single feed down (nothing to do with the cigarette as it happened before I fed her and I spoke to the dr briefly about it as I was worried I had caused it). Apparantly there is a lot going round at the moment and it's possible she has got one of these bugs, she just didn't seem with it at all. They have given me some diarolite (sp sorry) for her and she has kept that down but I have refused to feed her until... well it was going to be now but she has gone off to sleep so will wait until she wakes.

CJ missed her nap today because we were at the drs and I must admit I thought she would be even more of nightmare because of it this afternoon as she usually is but she hasn't been too bad, possibly because DH has been here as well.

To top is all DH came home with me as the med centre is opposite where he works, we walked into the front door and Charlie had been sick all over the kitchen floor and won't touch his food - we have given him chicken and rice tonight. For Charlie to be off his food must mean he is not well, he has never skipped a meal. I will keep an eye on him tonight and if necessary take him to the vets tomorrow.

I'm shattered but don't think I'll sleep very well tonight because of Seren.

Posted: 17 July 2007 at 6:57pm | IP Logged

has the dog eaten a toy?

sorry youre feeling so *****  nicki!

the trampledown (lilys name for them) sounds a splendid idea

i was thinking about going back on the pill-but quite frankly i cant be bothered and dont let dh near me anyway!

has your step daughter improved cos i know you have had a few difficulties

you need to have a pamper day-dh can have them all for the day/weekend/week!!