Joined: 24 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 2671 Gender: Female
Posted: 18 August 2007 at 8:00pm | IP Logged
Right then, umm dont really know how to start this - all I know is that Im having yet another wobble, but this time its a biggie. I always bounce back and say 'Im fine, yes course I will cope', but now Im wondering if I ever will.
Kev does all of the housework in here, looks after Lewis and basically does everything for me. I am currently in the process of losing the use of my right leg - Im going to the hospital on Monday, hopefully they can do something- and Im having more bad days than good.
Im so drugged up atm with the morphine and other painkillers that all I want to do is sleep or lie down. I have attempted to go out, but can only get a few paces and the pain is unbearable, I feel like Im virtually housebound.
Im soo lucky that I have a very caring husband and a lovley little boy and help and support around me, however, I still feel inadequate and want to do things, but the frustrating thing is that I cant do them. And sex - well - we've not had sex for months.
I just feel its all getting a bit much and however much I try to rectify it, its never enough. Im sorry for whinging, but I had to get this out.
Joined: 14 October 2006 United Kingdom Posts: 447 Gender: Female
Posted: 18 August 2007 at 8:13pm | IP Logged
Aw hun no wonder you're struggling, you've got so much on your plate at the mo, give yourself a break... If you don't me asking, what's wrong with your leg? (I've been away a while, sorry!) and what painkillers are they giving you?
As you know, I've got DSP and I really struggle at times too as I'm generally housebound so I know what you're going through hun. I found that I had to balance the painkillers with my quality of life as I found that the more I took (and especially the Fentanyl patches) the less I could do because I was so spaced out.. When I thought about it, the difference they actually made to the pain wasn't much so I gradually reduced them which allowed me to participate with the family more. I 'borrowed' an electric wheelchair from the local hospital too which allowed me to go to the park and things with the kids (which obviously got me out of the damned house!!!).. Maybe you could phone around and see if you could get a hold of either an electric or a manual one (if you could turn the wheels yourself that is) as it really did make a difference to me. What about crutches for inside the house?
I'm really sorry you feel like this hun, and you're not whingeing (and if you were, you'd be perfectly entitled), honestly!
Like I said earlier hun, I know exactly what you are going through (especially with hubby etc) so please contact me anytime you want, I'm here to listen..
Joined: 27 October 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 1628 Gender: Female
Posted: 18 August 2007 at 9:04pm | IP Logged
Nikki, you are perfectly entitled to have a moan in your situation. I really wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and I really hope the hospital can help you. Lots of hugs Love Nicky xxxx
Joined: 07 June 2006 United Kingdom Posts: 4141 Gender: Female
Posted: 18 August 2007 at 9:26pm | IP Logged
Mate you fill your boots and whinge and moan all you like...cos im still going to cook your waaaabbbiiiit.
Your doing fine, in constant agony yet still manage to get on with it. We all have wobbles, its part and parcel birdy. It cant be easy and I can only imagine.
Your drugged up to the eyeballs on this that and the other and trying to carry on. Mate you are doing the best you can, nd have great support at home and THE best panini thief ive ever known!!
Keep your chin up chica and am about as and when birdy.
Joined: 17 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 3771 Gender: Female
Posted: 18 August 2007 at 10:55pm | IP Logged
I can't imagine what you're going through, it must be so awful to be in so much pain and having to take all those painkillers. Just want to send you wee gentle hugs and loads of hope that things will get better.
Joined: 11 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 5990 Gender: Female
Posted: 18 August 2007 at 11:04pm | IP Logged
Morphine is a horrible drug to have to be taking it's a depressant, the occasions where I have had to take it all I can do is sleep or cry so you are doing brilliantly. I hope they help you at the hospital on monday, keep smiling. Incedently sex releases endorphins so if you can manage a little fumble it might make you feel better
Joined: 24 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 2671 Gender: Female
Posted: 19 August 2007 at 7:14am | IP Logged
Thank you everyone, having you all makes things easier to cope with, I just want you all to know that your support is really really appreciated.
Been up since stupid o'clock with Lewis, stupidly thought he would watch cbeebies in his room for some reason - wrong! Sooo hes now running up and down the stairs - with supervision - hoping he will burn himself out soon so I can go back to bed. DH is still in bed having swapped the bedrooms round yesterday - dont want to disturb him cos he does enough - bless him.
Gonna try my best to get to the shops today - thats my goal. Jenny, I have a trapped nerve in my back due to the oestearthritis of the spine, which is linked to my right leg. Once DH gets up Im gonna have a shower and then when Im ready, try my best to get to the bus stop and go to the shops!
Thank you everyone for listening, I will let you all know how I get on later xxxx
Joined: 13 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 8620 Gender: Female
Posted: 19 August 2007 at 9:48am | IP Logged
Nikki I'm so sorry I missed this last night.
Firstly - don't apologise for posting about this - we all have moans on here about far far less than you are going through.
I really hope the hossie can help this time. I think its about time they looked at corrective treatment rather than just giving you lots of pills. There must be something they havent tried!
I agree with Sam about the sex - As you know with my hip problems sex can be near impossible - but even just a little play (sorry) can make a big difference. It boosts you sense of wellbeing, releases endorphins which act as a painkiller, and really boosts your self esteem.
When I'm bad I set myself small goals each day. I have it up as a document on the computer and tick things off as I do them. I list all the things I want to do: Put wash on, cook dinner, play puzzles with eds, phone gp, phone mum. At the end of the day I can see just how much I have done - it really helps me.
I'm so glad Kev is so supportive for you. Don't feel bad - he does it because he loves you and because he obviously can see you are in so much pain! You're a lucky lady, but he's a lucky bloke - your a top lass!
As for the wheelchair - contact your local red cross. I hired one whilst I was pregnant and it made getting out the house so much more bearable!
The other thing you need to do is book a babysitter and get out for the evening just the two of you. It will give you something to look forward to and something to enjoy. You both deserve the break!
Sending huge gentle pain free hugs! I'm always here if you want to chat babe!
Joined: 24 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 2671 Gender: Female
Posted: 19 August 2007 at 4:23pm | IP Logged
Well I did it!! Had a shower, went to the shops and even made a chicken dinner!!! Completely shattered now, but satisfied that I have at least, managed to do something today!! Lets hope it continues xxxx
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Topic: When it all gets too much
