Joined: 02 August 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 1069 Gender: Female
Posted: 03 October 2007 at 9:27pm | IP Logged
ok, i am fed up pretending everything in my life is fine when it's
actually not.
i can't pretend when people ask me how i am. I normally reply "
great thanks, life is wonderful"
i met with my HV a few weeks back, i told her how i was feeling,
couldn't cope, sick, couldn't eat, made no effort with myself at all,
crying all the time, anxious, worried, paranoid etc.
she asked me to fill in the pnd questionaire thing they do and she
said answer it as honestly as possible, which i did, i scored 18/30
(anything over 9 is reffered to GP)
so went to the gp - was decribed Anti D's (happy pills as i call them)
i have been taking them for about 6 weeks and they do help, i don't
feel as anxious as i did before and i do feel happier.
i was supposed to be starting a councilling group tomorrow but
discovered today that there is no creche facility, thomas is at nursery
but i'll have roisin with me. they recommended a childminder to me
but she charges £15 per session (the meetings are from 10-12 once
a week)
so i can't go as i have nobody else to help me out
i am gutted but nothing i can do about it.
my problem is with thomas, i would like to use the excuse that he
has been like this since roisin came along but he has always been the
way he is.
he is so demanding, attention seeking, he doesn't listen or do as i
ask him, he wrecks the house and is disruptive and distructive
Stephen thinks that thomas doesn't respect me and that's why he is
the way he is, that's his nature.
he plays up all the time, i had to leave my friends house last night
after he started hitting her wee boy with a wooden drum sick across
the head, he stratched me and made my chin bleed when i gave him
a telling of this morning, he is like this quite often.he hits, kicks and
punches me when i ignore his silly behaviour
he is fine when stephen is about but when stephen is not here he
turns into this horrible creature.
i just can't cope
he goes to nursery for one half day and 2 full days and i call them
my respite days.
like i say, he was like this before roisin came along but now i don't
have the time or patience to deal with it.
roisin is an easy/textbook baby but i am just exhausted with thomas
sorry for the rant but i thought writing things down might help
thanks for listening
Joined: 24 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 2831 Gender: Female
Posted: 03 October 2007 at 9:37pm | IP Logged
Hi Rhona
First off - Im giving you a huge warm cyberhug cos its not easy to relay your problems to the world.
Lewis has the same behavioural problems that you have with Thomas. Starting at the beginning of the week we cut out all of the crisps, sweets and chocolate - banished them from the house. Lewis has been like a different child. There is a strong history of ADHD in the family so there is a strong possibility that he has it too.
Isnt it funny how our kids act up for their mummies, but are perfectly well- behaved for their daddies and other relatives? Same happens here too. You have every right to feel fed up hunny. I know you have been on the anti-d's for 6 week, but they might need a wee touch longer before you fully feel the benefit.
You rant away, if it helps you then thats brilliant. Here if you need us hunny.
Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 5857 Gender: Female
Posted: 03 October 2007 at 10:24pm | IP Logged
Rhona I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling like this. I've been sat reading and rereading your post trying to think of something to say.
With the councilling group, is this a specific PND type group? The reason I ask is because there is 1 near me which started up a bit late for me, called Mothers in Mind and they didn't mind you taking the babies with you. Its not ideal, but it at least meant that women could go without the childcare worry. They did put an age limit on of 1 year, would it be worth asking if Roisin could come too?
Have you spoken to your doctor of HV about Thomas - just to see if they have any ideas or suggestions? Would it work to make a deal with him whereby if he is a good boy for a set period of time, he gets a small treat with Daddy at the weekend, say a trip to the park just the 2 of them, or something like that? Do you have any time where its just you and Thomas, could you have a trip out just the 2 of you whilst Stephen watches Roisin?
I'm sorry, I'm not much use am I. With true sincerity, hang in there you and do feel free to let out whatever you need to let out.
Joined: 17 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 3870 Gender: Female
Posted: 03 October 2007 at 10:31pm | IP Logged
Sorry Rhona, I had no idea. You are putting such a brave face on it, you look amazing and seem so calm. But, it's good though to face up to your feelings and be honest with yourself, it's the first wee step back to normality.
It must be hard, you hardly get a break and Stephen works really long hours. The councilling is supposed to be really good, one of my friends you know too went through it and said it was brilliant. I'll be off in a couple of weeks, can you delay the start till then and I'll watch the kids? It'd be no bother, Emilie is really missing Alex now he's at school all day so it'd give her company. She loves watching babies too- I've started a mother and toddler group with her on a Monday and she thinks she's a wee mum to the babies there! (long may that continue!)
Don't be too hard on yourself with Thomas' behaviour. You have to sort yourself out first. He has the capacity to be well behaved as he shows with others, but the way you're feeling at the moment it's tough to face up to the challenges he's throwing your way. When you feel better and stronger you'll be able to cope much better there. We're having a really challenging time with Emilie at the moment and there's two of us in the house in good health. It's hard and tiring to be consistent and calmly show who's the boss. We had a full-blown tantrum for well over an hour tonight and we had to take it in turns to try to be calm and quiet and put her back in her bed when she kept on jumping out screaming her head off.
I could have ran a mile, but my bump won't let me.
Please try and get a wee couple of hours away one night away and we'll go somewhere for a cuppa and cake. (Especially if papa was at the footie tonight- you are entitled to one! (Tomorrow????? call me!))
Joined: 02 August 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 1069 Gender: Female
Posted: 03 October 2007 at 10:33pm | IP Logged
thanks
i did ask about taking roisin but it's a kiddi free session. it sounded
good to, it's caled "life after birth"
i'll ask my HV if there is one somewhere else i can go to.
i did speak to the HV, she came round to the house when thomas
was here. she gave me all the usual chat, be consistant etc.
we used to punish him by taking all his football strips away (his
prized possesion) but the novelty of the strips has worn of so that
punishment would mean nothing now.
i thought about getting a lock for his playrooom door and as
punishment he doesn't get in but i don't know - does that seem a bit
much
the HV gave me the toddler taming book which i haven't had time to
read yet but will get round to it soon - see if it has any suggestions.
we both try to spend as much valuable time with thomas where the
other one takes roisin and the time we each spend with him, he is
great but then he is back to his usual soon after
he is a lovable wee boy and is great fun but he is just so much more
hard work than i could have imagined.
i feel like such a failure, i am a nursery nurse and work with kids who
are reffered by HV, GP, social work etc and who have some sad,
awful stories but i can't deal with my own son.
thanks for your support
x
Joined: 12 June 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 5857 Gender: Female
Posted: 03 October 2007 at 10:40pm | IP Logged
Noooooo no no no no. You are NOT a failure under any circumstances whatsoever... so no, you're not. so there. ner....
Toddler Taming is very good, I have it and there are some really useful ideas about using time out - but as in full on away time out. Its good cos you don't have to read the whole book, you can pick bits out as and when.
And honestly, I don't think banning the playroom is too much. If you have an escalation say starting with time out, then if it doesn't stop then no play room until he's calmed down, apologised or whatever, no I don't think its too much at all.
Joined: 02 August 2005 United Kingdom Posts: 1069 Gender: Female
Posted: 03 October 2007 at 10:52pm | IP Logged
the one up above ?
edit - hadn't finished what i was typing !
i did read it, was about to pm when i saw you shouting !
i'll have a proper chat to you tomorrow night. i have managed to hide it.
but i am at the point now where i can't hide it anymore.
stephen is helpful enough but i am sure he thinks PND is what you have
when you need put in a padded room !
i do need to get myself sorted 1st and foremost. i do feel the benefits of
my happy pills already and it's helped tip tapping away on here
xx
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Topic: Having such a rubbish time
