Parenting Forums

Posted: 20 May 2007 at 4:55pm | IP Logged

Well guys thank you so much for your kind words the other week when I posted about biological parents.

I spoke with Justin and offered him a last chance. He asked me to meet him so that he could talk and be completely honest with both me and Joshua. I left all the communication channels open for him, but left it completely up to him to turn up. I told Joshua that his real daddy will be coming to see him and to talk to him! Joshua was excited (it killed me because I knew in my heart he would let us down.. but I needed Joshua to see this). I had to pop to near where he lived in the week he was meant to be arranging to meet us, so I even offered him alife line and told him id be in the area collecting something should he want to meet there. I heard nothing, went got what I needed and returned home, no waiting around (one time I would have waited all day incase).

The week he wanted to meet came and went, as I thought it would. Joshua got upset and asked me where his daddy Justin was. I told Joshua that this daddy always does this, he makes a promise and doesnt keep it (joshua knows about keeping promises) Joshua got upset, asked why did daddy Justin not want to keep his promise, I tried to explain that he didnt want to be a daddy. Joshus said that he would like a real daddy not a daddy in a photo, and he said daddy Justin was not a real daddy because he broke a promise. Joshua went off and I cried.. but at least Joshua had got the message.

Justin made contact a few days later, said that he had tried to reach me but couldnt. He didnt try very hard, he logged on msn saw I was off line and that was it. He convieniantly said he had planned to see me that very day but hadnt been able to get hold of me, I told him to come there and then and he said he didnt have time now. I drew a lone in the sand.

I know that I always go back and give him another chance to be a dad (he never had a second chance with me once we split I never went back to him) but this is it. Even Joshua tells me he doesnt want a daddy Justin any more, and he hasnt asked to look at the photo's or anything in over a week.. he even drew me a picture yesterday just mummy and Joshua playing (usually a daddy Justin is in there). I have sent Justin a HUGE email telling him to stay away from us. The email goes into quite a lot of detail of things that went wrong, all the chances I gave him and how he threw it back in my face. Ive told him he knows where i am but I have not kept any of his contact details. Ive also said if when Joshua is 18 he chooses to look for him, I will help him. But until then i want Justin to stay out of our lives, and no more going back.

I am going to get some legal advice, about parental rights, and I am going to make sure he has none. I am also going to legally draw up a will in the event of my death Justin is to have no legal rights over Joshua, and I am going to contest he gets custody. I am going to make everything legal and binding, and he has blown every second chance I gave him. I thought id be upset or scared, but even if Joshua hates me for this, he will see it was the right thing to do. It wasnt fair on Joshua him being in the back ground free to show up when he pleased. Letting him down would have hurt Joshua.. but not being there was hurting him more.. now we can move on and I will tell Joshua justin doesnt want to be his daddy, and that is the truth!

Thank you so much for getting me here, I wouldnt have done it without you guys! The only person who is missing out is Justin. Joshua doesnt need him!

Posted: 20 May 2007 at 8:14pm | IP Logged

Hey Christine,

You are totally right.  I think you (and Joshua to an extent) have made the right desision.  You've gave 'daddy' justin all the chances in the world, now you can both move on completely.

Congratulations, (I don't know if that's the right word, but I admire you're beliefs and strength.) xxxxxxx

Posted: 20 May 2007 at 9:12pm | IP Logged

welldone babe. I know how hard this has been for you but you have done the right thing. Joshua will understand. Its not worth having someone if he did decide to have something to do with him let him down all the time anyway. Like you have said you have given him more than enough chances. If he really wanted to be there then he would have been.

You have my number babe if you want to chat.

I'm here anytime. xxxxxxxx

Posted: 21 May 2007 at 10:17am | IP Logged

Well done you. Good luck with everything

x

Posted: 21 May 2007 at 10:37am | IP Logged

I'm really proud of you chris!

You know you've done the right thing! He has had his chance over and over again and blown it. Joshua will know you've done the right thing!

Joshua is a fantastic kid and that is all down to you so well done!

Posted: 21 May 2007 at 4:17pm | IP Logged

I am so proud of you, Chris, you have done everything to ensure that Justin has access to his son.  It's his loss, and what a loss that is. 

I agree that making a will is essential.  My solicitor recently advised me to do exactly the same thing as Brett will automatically as the next of kin receive all my estate.  No ways, ho say!

Google now for good prices and/or approach your local CAB for recommendations.  You may be entitled to legal aid (but get there quick as a reform is due to take place).

Love and hugs,  Zo xxx

PS are you coming over this Saturday?