Parenting Forums

Posted: 14 October 2007 at 10:07am | IP Logged

I fell out with my mum a good few months ago.  I'm not going to go into detail because it'll take forever.  I just got the the point where i was sick of her lies and let downs and the trouble she was causing not to mention all the friction between my siblings.  My eldest sister and brother dont speak to her they haven't done for years.  She has never met my brothers two sons and she hasn't seen my niece and nephew since my nephew was 18months he's just had his 7th birthday.

Anyway, she hasn't seen the boys since the end of March.  Not because i haven't let her but because she has other so called important things and because she lives down south and im up north.

However she has been mithering me by text recently none of which i have replied to but she has since got dfs number and rang him to see if she can have the boys.

My first reply was no, Louis probably wont remember who she is anyway and harry hasn't mentioned nothing of her.

Am i being selfish not allowing her to see them?  i dont want her to manipulate them and i know she'll ask harry loads of questions as that's what she's like.

Posted: 14 October 2007 at 11:30am | IP Logged

Hmm yes this is a difficult one, and I agree with Lynie about the family meet, rather than them on their own, but then again, do you want to see your mum?  But then again if she's too busy to see the boys then its her own fault, no-one elses and I would stick to my guns if I were in your position.  But at the end of the day its you who has the decision to make, no one else.

No, I don't think you are selfish at all - and your mum must respect that xx

Posted: 14 October 2007 at 12:09pm | IP Logged

I would suggest the same.. a few home visits from her first would probably be easier for the boys to get to know her again, and maybe give you an insight into her reasons for contact with you all now!
I deffinately wouldn't agree to her having the boys straight off like that either at all.
If she really does want to get to know your boys, then she wont mind taking it slowly and coming back into your lives gradually... rather than throwing the boys in at the deep end.

I do belive that people deserve a fresh start and second chances and all that... but any more than 2 mistakes especially where children are comcerned, then i personally wouldnt bother with the hassle it could cause.
x-x-x

Posted: 14 October 2007 at 5:40pm | IP Logged

I wounld'nt be able to stand being in the same room as her, and i know she'd worm her way in to dfs soft side.

harry knows who she is, as one of my other nieces talks of her regularly.  She is currently staying with my gran where she has been for the last few weeks.  She has 10 soon to be 11 grandchildren and out of the present 10 she only sees 4.

In the last 8 years she has had chance after chance.  But Lynie like you said are the boys missing out?

Grr I hate her for putting me in this position.  This is what she's best at

Posted: 14 October 2007 at 8:19pm | IP Logged

It's a hard decision to make. I agree with the other advice given, although if it was me in your position I'd be asking myself if the kids seeing her will benefit them at all. If you think it could cause them any upset, then I'd seriously consider not allowing it - and certainly not allowing her to have them herself, without you being present.

I don't envy you having to make this decision at all - I hope you manage to come to some arrangement that you and the kids are happy with.

xxx

Posted: 14 October 2007 at 8:22pm | IP Logged

Hun i wouldn't stnad for it, if she can't be bothered then no way.... If the kids don't know her well it's her tough luck expecially with all the technology about it's so easy to keep in touch... she has no excuse.

I would just say that legally she has no rights for visitation or anything else so do what's going to make you and your family happy.

I have friends up north and they offered to sit for my boys and i refused on account that they do forget people and 4 mths is too long let alone so no way to the sleep over, i wouldn't let anyone have my 2 if i wasn't 100% happy.

Just ignore her hun and tell her to go forth and multiply and do what's best for you and your family.