Parenting Forums

Posted: 22 November 2007 at 12:50pm | IP Logged

I need some advice on how honest to be with children about death. I always try to be honest but Edward is now at an age where he is absorbing a lot more and I'm worried I might upset him without meaning too.

A few months ago my cat died. She lived at my parents but Eds adored her. I told him she had gone away for a very long sleep and he accepted that, although missed her alot.

This week my neighbour died. I'd told Eds she was in hospital as we were going to make a card for her. Now he's asked if she is still there. I'm not sure how much detail to go into. He's only 2 and half.

How do you explain death to such a young child? Have you had to talk to your children about it? How did you go about it and how did they deal with it?

Posted: 22 November 2007 at 2:58pm | IP Logged

Lily had just turned 2 when Duncs papa passed away (day after in fact ) so she was still really young and didn't really understand.  His nana had died just 6 months before and although she didn't really get it when we went to their house she was running around looking for them.

We just explained that they had gone to the angels and she accepted that - she was very young though so it was easier

Ellis on the other hand was 5 when they passed and was very very close to both of them so explaining it to her was quite hard and very distressing for her.

With her nana  - we had a week or so of her being in hospital so Ellis knew that she was very very ill and we tried to explain to her that she wasn't in pain etc anymore and was looking down etc and could "chat" to her nana anytime she wanted - which she still does occassionally.

Her papa was sightly harder as he had been at ours the day before and Ellis had seen him and then unfortunately the day after he chose to end his life as he could not bear to live without his wife (nana) so it was pretty hard to explain that one - but we said that nana and papa were together again and were both very happy etc

They are so innocent at that age and after initially being upset she chose to see it in a positive way and I just wished we all had her way of thinking really

Sorry for the mammoth post there

Hope some of my ramblings help

I think the way you have explained the cat is a good way for them to understand so would go down the same route hun

xx

Posted: 22 November 2007 at 5:21pm | IP Logged

When my DD was just over 2 her Great Grandma died we tried to explain it to her, she came to the funeral although didn't really understand.

What made me cry though was when we went for the funeral buffet at a pub close to where she'd lived in all of her life. The pub though was v.rural setting with fields & a wood but very little else.  My DD said "Great Grandma Doris gone here" looking across the fields.

We'd done our best to explain that her Great Grandma had gone to a nice place but none of us would see her. We also told her Great Grandma would meet her Auntie & Grandma (on my DP's side) who died in a RTA 28 years ago.) as we had mentioned these two people to her  few times)

Posted: 22 November 2007 at 7:22pm | IP Logged

Hun

I've told kieran before that they had an accident/became poorly (don't know what with) and the doctors have tried to make them better but sadly it didn't work and they have now moved to heaven. They are in no pain and are up there having fun watching all the mischief you get upto.....

now he's asking all about graves and differnet sizes etc!

Posted: 22 November 2007 at 11:45pm | IP Logged

When I lost my grandad last year, Cameron didn't really say much about it - just asked where he was a couple of times, then never really asked again. It's only recently that he has started talking about him again, and asking if he has died, where has he gone, when will he be back etc. I just keep saying that he has gone to heaven, it's a lovely place (he asked if it's got a nice garden), and no, he won't ever be coming back. The last bit always stops him for a moment in whatever he's doing, then he goes back to whatever he was doing beforehand.

We haven't had any pets, as Cameron is allergic, so grandad has been his first experience of death. I think it's best to answer any questions honestly, and healthy to let them see that it is normal to grieve.

xxx